Courage Faces Fear and Thereby Masters It............ 3/5/20

       Awake at this late hour, work-ing, completing a project.  I missed meeting with friends tonight in the lovely island town of Alameda, because of the task before me.

      I haven't strayed from this event in years.

A Spiritual Practice: Exercising Grace While Communicating 5/22/13

        I went to an Al-Anon Family Group (AFG) meeting.  This is not Alcoholics Anonymous.  Check the provided link for more information and greater clarity about AFG.

        AFG serves friends and family members of alcoholics.  At its gatherings, a person finds support and principles for the struggles encountered when relating with a problemed drinker. Members learn how to take care of themselves.  They discover the skill of detaching with love from drama.   It is an emotional and mental life saver.

Staying In the Solution
        The organization is not a place for dumping and running----pouring out our problems on attendees. That is not working the Al-Anon program.  Take a listen to this passage from One Day at A Time:

When I started in Al-Anon, I thought of meetings only as a place where I could unburden myself of my troubles.  But I soon learned that complaining about our oppressions and indignities only makes them loom larger and more disturbing.  

This became clear to me when I heard other members monopolize the  time and the attention of the group with indignant, woeful recitals of the alcoholic's misbehavior.  I see this was not "working the Al-Anon program." [emphasis, mine] I am learning to put the shortcomings of others out of my mind and think constructively about putting [recovery] ideas to work in my life. 

I [grow in my personal recovery] to get rid of self-pity and resentment, not to increase their power to destroy me. I go to learn how others have dealt with their problems, so I can apply this wisdom to my own life.   

"I ask God to keep me from magnifying my troubles by harping on them continually." 

Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters Inc, One Day At Time In Al-Anon, Virginia Beach, 2000, 75

       This passage was written by Ann B., co-founder of Al-Anon Family Groups.  It reflects the nature of this program.  Unfortunately, harping occurred tonight, by someone new to this meeting.

Focusing On Principles, Not Other Programs

         On top of that, another person mentioned stuff that Al-Anon does not allow.  She talked about her therapy.  That's not helpful.

         This is not sharing our Al-Anon story.  When attending AFG, we speak Al-Anon.

The relatives [and friends]when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation (italics mine).  The only require-ment for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.                                                 Tradition Three of Al-Anon Family Groups

This tradition helps us to guard against the confu-sion that results when we allow our program to be diluted. Al-Anon's Twelve Steps and Traditions, (New York: Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, Inc., 1981) 99

Tradition Three explains two ways in which my Al-Anon Friends and I can "keep it simple."  One is to avoid being diverted from our program by others and two, is to welcome into Al-Anon Family Groups, anyone who is suffering from the effects of another's alcoholism.  Both are perfectly clear.  They give me an answer to those who think it would help if the group were to concentrate on problems which are not related to alcoholism, or, mistakenly feel a new-comer should be rejected when, actually, he or she does meet the condition for membership.                     Al-Anon's Twelve Steps and Traditions, 101. 

      After the meeting, I spoke with the person who discussed her therapy.  My concerns were expressed respectfully.  Gently, I shared.

      I requested adherence to Tradition Three.  "I understand," she said.  I'm thankful.

      Her response allows the group to maintain integrity with basic Al-Anon principles.  I'm grateful for the open communication and understanding we shared.  I expressed my needs.

      Her reaction was not my focus.  If it was, I would have been manipulative.  Instead, I shared what was alive in me, what troubled me.

      I'm grateful she understood what troubled me. (Courage to Change, p. 310)

Life Is Our Spiritual Practice
      I see attending tonight's meeting was a spiritual practice.  Even though weary---physically from my all-day adventure cycling in Yosemite yesterday, and my lack of sleep, operating on four hours of sleep, for two days in a row---I practiced patience. .

      Many times, during a conflict I could act out and be petulant.  I could rationalize it is my right when offended.  However, it would not be in my best interests.  While it might feel good for the few seconds,  the results are typically disastrous in the long term.

      I'm thankful for placing principles above my personality, and the positive results derived when I govern my feelings. 

Dealing With an Emotional Bully, Part V. Equanimity Through Expressing Boundaries & Accepting Characterological Warts ....................11/14/12

My Gratitudes:
1.  Today, I studied, wrote, prayed and meditated.  Ya ay!  Investing in

The Dance Between Grace & Truth..............11/11/11

Each one of us came to earth on a personal mission to be loved or to give love. We are to learn the value and price of love.
Other parts of our mission include learning patience, humility, self-discipline, and other virtues. These attributes are parts
of love. (Betty Eade)        Image: "Autumn Lake" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Copyrighted, used by permission.

       I'll talk about today's topic in a minute. But first,  I'm speechless, a happy innkeeper.  Three comments by guests in less than a week. Gosh. I had to pick myself off the floor today.

       My dear friend Phyllis wrote last Saturday. Today, Paul wrote a comment in the previous post and Lowry did so an hour ago. Thank you, times three. I invest emotional equity, when working as the innkeeper. I'm paid, by the truckload, when I hear from you..

     Silent Readers, those who drop by without posting, may I ask you to express your gratitudes or add to what's written here? Go ahead, give it a try.

      I believe everyone has insight that would contribute to improving this cozy place in cyberspace.  I ask those who hail from beyond the U.S. to reply in your language. We'll be able to translate your posts. Doing so would add to the community we share here. 

        Today,  Lowry wrote a comment for a post written on July 11th. I'll reply here. It's easy to have comments buried within this inn's archives. Somehow, because I cut and pasted Lowry's comment here, the formatting turned his comments into one paragraph. 

He said... 

 

Greetings Innkeeper – 

I really appreciate the pace and caring lexicon used in your blog. It promotes a peaceful and thoughtful atmosphere to contemplate challenges and options to address them .

It always helps to be reminded that we are Children of God - being humble, grateful, loving, yet firm regarding ourselves and our boundaries is so helpful.

I respect and appreciate your discipline to keep the ideas flowing in such graceful and grateful language.

Thank you,

Lowry                    

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ************************************    

       Lowry,                                                                                                                                                       

 I appreciate your kind words. They make me blush, which is hard for me to do. :->   I'm glad to see you back.                                                                                                                                                                        

       Life is about balance. I prefer mine having a combination of love and truth. Seeing the truth, without love, can easily bring judgment. Honesty alone is often harsh. Knowing love, without it being balanced by truth, often prevents me from taking an accurate look, being discerning and seeing reality with clarity.

      However, together, they perform a fine dance.       I grow when I view reality (truth). I become aware of areas where I want to improve. It's tempered, however, when observed through the gentle lens of grace (love). Enjoying unconditional love from special friends (my Balcony People) and family is transforming.  Their support makes it easier to love myself. The grace I receive from them enables me to be more patient with self, and by extension, others.                                                                                                                                                    

      Thanks for your comments, they mean much to me.         

                                                                

      Wishing you the best and a grateful day.

             

Opportunities for Spiritual Weight Lifting Part III Expressing Our Voice 6/23/11

        Good afternoon!

Welcome to all who drop by this inn of thanksgiving. Don't you like the pictures on the walls?  They are the work of the Englishman, Tim Blessed, a gifted photographer. Sprucing up this place in cyberspace is fun.

     A marvelous week, this was.  Seeing myself getting stronger, characterologically, nurtures my optimism. Emotional dust storms happened this week, when relating with others. That's when the fun began.  I'm  not saying this because I like drama.  Far from it.

     As we grow in our relationships with others, difficulties become opportunities for spiritual weight lifting.  We learn how to exercise strength----applying healthy principles---even with those who are hurtful.  What a deal!

Handling Conflict with Grace and Some Questions for YOU 6/12/11

      Hey, let me know what you think of this video link from psychologist John Townsend. He's an author I respect. To see it, click here.

Questions I have for you: 

1. What do you do, to resolve conflict?

Responding Not Reacting, Part II ( An Opportunity for Growth, Spiritual Weightlifting) ...................5/30/11

Emotionally Charged Conversations

       When disagree-ing with someone, awareness that we have limited knowl-edge, helps.

       We don't know what's right in every situation.  During such times, the acronym THINK helps.  We want to ask, "Are my comments and behavior Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind?"

Expressing Feelings Part II 5/20/11

        It great when we express our feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills helps if they are to become a regular part of our life.  We want to be mindful that:

      1. Often what we think of as expressing our feelings is really a judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful."   That's more a statement of what we believe

Staying in the Solution: Much Better Than Assigning Blame 5/13/11

    It's great being in the saddle again. Yesterday, from one p.m. on, I was unable to post in this inn; the Blogger system was down, even after midnight, Left Coast time.

.   How are each of you doing?  Today was a crazy day. I'm pooped. Over five miles I hiked today. I got several errands done.

My gratitudes for Friday:

1. I'm tending to Alexander, a cat that's dying. He's 15 and a half years old. I love the guy. The feeling is mutual. Soon, he'll be gone. It tugs at my heart when this formerly aloof cat climbs out of his death bed, to see me, whenever I drop by. When I'm not around, he doesn't do that; he just lays on top of his cat pillow that's warmed with a vet-approved electric blanket made for house pets.Except for this story.  I enjoy the love and fellowship we share.
2. I got additional funding recently. I'm thankful for the additional resources. More importantly, I'm grateful for habits and principles that allow me to maximize and do a better job as a steward of God's provision. 
3.  I'm happy I'll see a friend tomorrow. It's been a long time since we visited---since February. This friend I've known since 1997. I'm thankful for the stability I enjoy with long-established friends. Tomorrow, we'll take in lunch and views of the San Francisco Bay.
4. Last night I slept for eight hours. That's exceptional for me. It feels terrific to get rest. I needed it----today was a doozy. I was in three different towns and got plenty of exercise. 
5.  This morning, I wrote in a newspaper for a city that's about sixty miles from my home. I took a stand against negativity and criticism against a writer that I like. I stated that it's better to say what we want, than to complain about what we don't have. Here's an excerpt:

"It amazes me how quickly we judge a person if that

individual doesn’t do what we want. We assign blame to 

them; frequently, we consider them as bad, or some other

negative interpretation of their character. In this case, 

many who’ve written above vented their frustrations due 

to [the writer in question not covering a subject they want

covered, in the newspaper].

It’s usually better staying in the solution. Complaining 

about what troubles us only makes the things that bother

us loom larger and more disturbing.

I grew up in San Jose, near Campbell; I’ve been a life-

long Bay Area resident. I think it’s better if we appreciate

the uniqueness offered by each part of the San Francisco

Bay Area, rather than denigrating one region, because we

live in another. I find contentment doesn’t require much. 

I find the following quote gives me perspective that contrib-

utes to more joy in my life.

'All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot
be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads
people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining
leads people to becoming unhappy.'

I don’t ask anyone to agree with me. Take what you like and leave the rest."

by Pablo Fuentes

*********************************************

       After I submitted this response in the Press Democrat, which covers the Santa Rosa area of the the North Bay, the complaints stopped.   There were over 20 complaints before I added my two cents.

       I'm thankful for taking a stand in a world that considers it sophisticated to whine, complain, be sarcastic, or cynical. As David Foster Wallace said:

Irony and negativity can critique but it can’t nourish or redeem.

6. I'm grateful for having a different opinion and the strength to express it. I used non-violent communication (NVC, for more about this, please click here.): I expressed my observations, feelings about them, my needs and my requests regarding them without using the five forms of life-alienating communication: blame, shame, fear, guilt or judgment. 

     Please let me know what you thoughts, even if you read this months from now. Your responses add life to this place and your insights I value: I can always grow by seeing your point of view. Mine is limited.

Suffering Loss (and staying in our power & integrity when others manipulate, using anger or shame) 5/2/11

      I had a bad experience Friday night. One of my worst nightmares came true. A few days I needed, to process my grief and shock.  Friday, I spoke. That went well. A friend drove me to the event; we had dinner before hand, catching up with each other's life.  I had with me a case that held books I use. Often, when speaking, I refer to them.

     After the event was over, my friend needed to put water in his radiator, the result of a recent accident, where he hit another car with the front end of his. I left the case on the trunk of his car while I went to talk with others. You guessed it. We took off with the luggage bag on top of the trunk. It fell off