It great when we express our feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills helps if they are to become a regular part of our life. We want to be mindful that:
1. Often what we think of as expressing our feelings is really a judgment. Example: " I feel you are disrespectful." That's more a statement of what we believe
that person has done to us, their behavior, than a expression of our feelings. It's also known as a Faux Feeling. The above statement is a judgment. Which leads to another point:
2. Judgments usually make others uncomfortable. Such statements are often heard as criticism. It's preferred expressing the need underneath our feelings. Others will be more inclined to hear them. To continue with the example above:
Example: "I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I"m unable to finish my sentences.and I have a need for open communication and equality: I let you finish whatever you say. Would it be possible for you to let me finish my comments, before replying?"
3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word "feel", we express a thought. Same with the word "that." E.g., "I feel she is kind." Or, "I feel that.life is exciting." In neither case is a feeling expressed; rather, we are stating an opinion, a form of judgment.
Anyway, I love this sort of stuff. For more information about nonviolent communication, I leave three links: here and here, and lastly, here, too.
I'd enjoy hearing your response to today's post, even if it's weeks after I've written this.
Another material you might want to read related to this subject:
Expressing Feelings, Part I click here
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