Friday, May 20

Expressing Feelings Part II 5/20/11

        It great when we express our feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills helps if they are to become a regular part of our life.  We want to be mindful that:

      1. Often what we think of as expressing our feelings is really a judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful."   That's more a statement of what we believe
 that person has done to us, their behavior, than a expression of our feelings. It's also known as a Faux Feeling.  The above statement is a judgment. Which leads to another point:

     2. Judgments usually make others uncomfortable. Such statements are often heard as criticism. It's preferred expressing the need underneath our feelings. Others will be more inclined to hear them.  To continue with the example above:

       Example:  "I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I"m unable to finish my sentences.and I have a  need for open communication and equality: I let you finish whatever you say. Would it be possible for you to let me finish my comments, before replying?"

    3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word "feel", we express a thought. Same with the word "that." E.g.,    "I feel she is kind."  Or, "I feel is exciting."  In neither case is a feeling expressed; rather, we are stating an opinion, a form of judgment.

     Anyway, I love this sort of stuff. For more information about nonviolent communication, I leave three links: here and here, and lastly,  here, too.

     I'd enjoy hearing your response to today's post, even if it's weeks after I've written this. 

Another material you might want to read related to this subject: 

Expressing Feelings, Part I click here

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.