Perspective On The Most Special Day of This Inn ........................11/22/12

       Dear Guests to the Attitude of Gratitude Inn:

 I resonate with the message in today's illustration.  Nonetheless, I appreciate today's focus: gratitude and thanksgiving.  Each home in the United States becomes

The Biggest Day Arrives Tomorrow. Also, Emotional Vampires & The Healing Power of Forgiveness ...11/21/12

      Thank you for dropping by this inn of encouragement and praise.  What thanks have you?   Of all the days of the year, tomorrow will be

Hope for the Past: Restoring the Years the Locust Have Eaten, Part IV 11/14/12

Yes, our past can be restored

         Here's a change.....Good Morning!

Yesterday, I was petered out after rising at 4:00 a.m. and having a busy and hectic day at work.  One session was especially draining. Usually that's

Maintaining Integrity: Freedom From the Pressure of Others. ...............................2/15/12

      Good evening, 
I've lost my BlueTooth. Ugh. I realized today it happened on my bike ride on Sunday. I almost will die without it. 
      In the last couple of days I also lost two books. I've been studying it in depth for the past four months. Darn it. I've put in a lot of

The Benefits of Being Gentle Towards Our Real Self, The Hunchback That Lives Within, Part II ......... ....................2/1/12

         “The six most important words:'I admit I made a mis-

take.' The five most important words: 'You did a good 

job.' The four most important words: 'What is YOUR 

opinion?'  The three most important words: 'If you

 please.'  The two most important words: 'Thank You.' 

The one most important word: 'We.' The least

 important word: 'I.' ”   Author Unknown     

 Image: The California coast: Point Reyes 

       I'll get to the benefits of showing compassion towards ourselves in a moment. I  identify with the idea of showing grace

Maintaining Our Values In Spite of Pressures from Others 6/28/11

     How are you?

I'll talk about the topic of forgiveness at the end of this post.  Thanks for dropping by. Be sure to have a cup of coffee and sit down, before reading this post; it's a bit longer than most.  Please take what you like and leave the rest.
Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries

Disagreeing with Others is Part of Being an Adult

         One of my favorite quotes is on the right.  What's appealing about that quote?  Freedom. It's important maintaining integrity with our values, even if it upsets others.

Expressing Feelings. Life is Our Spiritual Practice 5/3/11

      Once again, welcome to my guests from Germany and Malaysia, thanks for dropping by. I love it when readers share their gratitudes. Doing so meets my need for reciprocity, mutuality and community.
Gratitudes for Today:
1. Delighting in a fantastic lunch with a friend, was one of today's pleasures. It wasn't the food, that was terrific,.it was our conversation. He's a fellow left-handed person; I like his global, non-linear thinking; it refreshes my soul; I enjoy connecting with him; his perspective enlarges my vision of life and possibilities.
2. I'm thankful for the healing I partake in as a result of bonding with dear ones. Relating with friends makes it possible for me to detach from others who aren't healthy for my emotional or mental well-being.
3. I enjoy the posts you leave behind---it helps me to know you better.
4. I got in a three mile walk today. I hiked it to where I met my friend John for lunch. I'm glad I got some additional exercise and was able to catch some rays.

There is much beauty in seemingly simple things, like this wall

5.  Today's weather was fantastic---in the mid seventies. Walking through town provides artistic sights I miss when driving my car. I can be captivated by simple things----brick walls, wild flowers, watching how another person walks. All of life has its unique beauty.
Life is Our Spiritual Practice
       I met with a client yesterday, in the evening. Seeing her progress is one of thing that makes life fulfilling. It's easy for us to slip into black and white, dogmatic thinking. How sad it is when we are trapped within rigid thinking.  We discussed ways we can prevent being that way. 

     We looked at the challenges she has with roommates as her present spiritual practice. We spent time looking at how she express herself, using nonviolent communication, how she relates with her housemates, letting them know her feelings, needs and requests. She's growing more than she was meditating in a cave, somewhere in the desert.  We discussed having serenity and thriving, even in the midst of  chaos.

Yes, it's possible. I know it in my life, even when the squalls of life slap my face with the waves of unpleasantries and intense stressful moments.  It was refreshing see her enthusiasm, after our time was up.

6. I'm thankful for the work I do and humbled that I'm able to help others in their journeys through life.

7. I'll meet with a group of friends at 7:30 p.m. I value the support I experience when we're together.  
     I'll meet a colleague there and we'll talk about prenatal depression, a subject I'm unable to discuss with most people. With two others, I'll process legal challenges I'm facing due to a former unscrupulous employer; these friends have the legal expertise, am I glad.
     I appreciate my friends availability.  It's terrific knowing I'm not dealing with a multitude of issues alone. I'm not superman, nor will I ever be, nor do I want to be. Being vulnerable and not hiding within the coffin of self-protection allows me to laugh all my laughter and cry all my tears.

******************************************

Expressing Feelings
     I made time in the mid-afternoon to study---I invested in myself.  I reviewed material that reminded me how we can express feelings in a way that's constructive, helpful and affirming while still taking care of our needs. Ongoing practice of these skills is necessary if they are to be a regular part of my life. I was reminded:

      1. Often what we think is expressing our feelings is really expressing judgment.  Example: " I feel you are disrespectful." 
        That's more a statement of what we believe that person has done to us, shown us disrespect, than a statement of our feelings, sadness, anger, resentment, etc. The above statement is a judgment. Which leads to another point that's important for us to be mindful of....
      2. Judgments make people uncomfortable. They are heard as criticism. It's much better for us to express the need that is underneath our feelings. To continue with the example above:Example:  "I'm uncomfortable, because whenever I talk, I'm unable to finish my sentences. I value open communication and equality.  Would it be possible for you to hear me completely, before you replying?"                   
      3. Whenever a pronoun follows the word feel, we are expressing a thought. Same with the word "that."
 E.g.,      "I feel she is....,"  "I feel that...."
         Whatever follows will not be the expression of our feelings. Anyway, I love this sort of stuff. For more information about nonviolent communication, click here and here,
and lastly,  here too
Antidotes for Bitterness
      I met with a dear friend yesterday. We discussed how we can overcome, bitterness. Bitterness, it has been said, is a poison pill we swallow, hoping it will kill the person that we're upset with. It's good to remember that....

"We can't hold a person down without staying down with him." 

                                                                Booker T. Washington.

      The antidote is a combination of  exercising forgiveness and using boundaries. Forgiveness is the bolt cutter that frees us from the handcuffs that bitterness creates, that attach us to the source of that vexes us.

     We reduce the likelihood of bitterness, when we take care of ourselves, doing things that nurture us, when we are in difficult straits that can overwhelm us with bitterness or despair.

      There are steps which can alleviate stress and strengthen us as we go through life's crucible moments. Paradoxically, when under pressure, we often neglect the need for extra sleep, relating with friends, or eating healthy food. We don't make time to exercise regularly. It's during time like these that we it's great to halt,  pray, meditate and have Quiet Time---spending time alone with God.

               Here's to having a great and grateful Wednesday,

Grace: The Antidote to Bitterness Towards Others and Self Loathing ......................4/12/11

           A feature in this inn of support will be that, from time-to-time, I'll bring out a post from the past, will go down memory lane.  Grace has been key for my serenity, mental and emotional health. Many tell us to have acceptance when facing difficulties.  Usually, we interpret this as acceptance with resignation.  Like, "okay, I guess I have to accept my circumstances, there's nothing more I can do."

          It's better having acceptance with grace towards self and others. What good does it do, beating ourselves?  That's right, none.  When I'm gentle towards myself in areas needing improvement, it's more likely I'll experience success in those doggone areas.

          Kicking myself doesn't work.  Having grace towards annoying others also benefits me.  It  prevents being shackled to them with the chain of resentment.  Forgiveness is the bolt cutter that cuts the links that has me attached to them.  It has been said, "Forgiveness is not forgetting, it's letting go of the hurt." (Courage to Change, p 178)

          Now, I can wear cowboy boots. Yep, those pointed boots that Roy Rogers and John Wayne--wore in movies.  Back in my teens, twenties and thirties, I couldn't wear western footwear.  If I did, I'd have dimples all over me from kicking myself.  Not so, today:  I thankful I'm patient----towards me!

Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of  life nor has it helped me to love myself more. Courage, p 19.

           It is one thing knowing this fact in my head.  It's another to experience it resonating in my heart.

"It is never too late to start doing what is right."  Charles Swindoll

         Isn't it great knowing that if we slip, it's okay?  It's one thing if our behavior is a snap shot.  It's another if our vices are a video.  Now, I'm gentle towards myself.  How about you?  Wearing cowboy boots without self-imposed bruises, a pretty good deal.

         We help ourselves when using God's support, healthy alternatives and the assistance of friends.  This is living in a way that is healthy for us, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  Remember, we were meant to live in relationship with others, staying-in-the-solution others, those who encourage us, our Balcony People.

         If lacking such a network, we can grow them.  Enjoying a community of friends take work; requiring an investment of time, needing character discernment.  But it's way worth the trouble.  

My Gratitudes for Today:

The Healing Power Of Grace.  

     I'm grateful for grace. No, I'm not talking about a woman with that name.  Grace helps me love myself.  It comes from God.

     It's not something I can manufacture by gritting my teeth, by dint of will. No, it's the result of recognizing my spiritual poverty----realizing that my best thinking and behavior has not been enough for me to become the person I want to be.  When I receive grace from others, it's because He's breathing through them.
1.  I appreciate the love and comfort available when connecting with the God of my understanding.
2.  I'm happy knowing God's forgiveness.  I'm in a loved position with God.  Knowing His forgiveness enables me to be gracious towards others and myself.  I can't give what I haven't received.
3.  I'm encouraged knowing that life is about enjoying and staying in the present moment.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn't here.  The only thing I can focus on is "right now" and the gifts of love, joy and peace that I experience today, when living by healthy principles and I'm undergirded by my loving supportive network.
4. I'm thankful for the gifts and treasures life bestows on me.  I'm grateful for the thoughtful, kind deeds I experience from others----I consider them as kisses from God that remind me that God sees me as valuable and lovable. 

A Spiritual Awakening, Part I. Appreciating Life's Gifts, Staying in the Moment, Not Distracted by Fear, Sadness or Resentment 4/10/11

"The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness." William
Blake. "Forgiveness is freedom. Tony Dailo.   "To forgive is
 God-like, & one of the greatest uses of free will."  Anonymous
"Forgiveness is man's deepest need and highest achievement."
 Horace Bushnell    "The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is
 the attribute of the strong."  Mahatma Gandhi. "Unforgiveness is
 the burning of the bridge we must cross ourselves." Tim Blessed
   "Forgiveness is the price of Happiness."  M. Pilbeam

   It's easy, letting the briars of life distract us.  It is during these times we want to select the burrs of good-ness embedded in whatever blanket life tosses our way.

     It is easy, losing touch with the joys each day offers.  May the following passage awaken our desire to celebrate life more than we already do.

     It offers nuggets of riches.  This is true in spite of the bleak pro-nouncements of the news.  Here's the excerpt:

  Life has many treasures if I'm willing to accept them, but none can do more for me than learning really to live in the pre-sent.  That means being more aware of myself and of small happy things that often dramatize themselves into importance as I observe them with enjoyment. [For more about what it's like, being in this state, please read here.] 

        No matter how grim the situation may be that troubles my waking thoughts,  there are shining nuggets of pleasantness all around me to distract my mind from its cares. But I must be on the lookout for them  so they will not be lost to me!  

        Aldous Huxley said it this way: 'For every man, the world is as fresh as it was the first day, and as full of untold novelties for him who has the eyes to see them.'  This is a constructive and rewarding way of achieving the detachment necessary from the urgent but unimportant demands of life. 

"God make me receptive and aware; restore to me my ca-pacity for wonder.

       

     The upcoming week pro-vides many opportunities to celebrate life.  Yes, it does.  During whatever season, we do ourselves a favor when making time to delight in life's beauty. 

         In the winter, it may be nature draped with snow or the rare sun-ny moment.  We can behold the austere loveliness of barren winter trees. 

          In spring, there are many wonders: the crack of a baseball mak-ing contact with a bat or playing cricket.  We can take in birdsongs or visually inhale the blooming of flowers.  
       

       It can be the buzz of lawnmowers sprucing up neighbor-hood yards.  A breathtaking mo-ment can be the roar of a rain-swollen river accompanying a hike in nature.  

        Fall offers de-lightful moments: sitting in a warm living room,  curled up with a good book.  It can be the cool, crisp air while out on a country walk.  Kind deeds nurture, any time of the year, whether we perform or receive them. 

         Being aware of these moments is staying present, increasing our joy. 

         Looking for the many mini-vacations the day provides is celebrating life, savoring its richness.  

         Today, appreciate lovely clouds.  Luxuriate in the purr of a cat.  Delight in the zen-like day-dreaminess that pop up during "mindless" moments.  

         These are the small gifts life provides.  They happen while giving detailed attention to the frosting a cake.  Or while pulling weeds, sewing, nailing a board or doing dishes.

         Inhale these moments.  We are inhaling life riches when we do.  The process of living is fulfilling in itself.  Frequently it is more rewarding than any task performed.  

        What does it cost?  Perhaps five minutes.  Sometimes these beautiful moments are briefer than that.  They are tiny vacations available throughout the day.  

        The value of gratitude is that it nurtures our souls, increasing our capacity for wonder.  

         We allow songs of thanks to reverberate within our hearts.  We're seizing gifts God offers each day.  We're are cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude.

 

        Please share how you capture wonder.  I love hearing your gratitudes.  Doing so meets the vision of this inn. 

 Image: "Cumbria: Mountain River"  by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission