Sunday, January 4

Five Things to Do For Emotional Healing........... 1/4/15

       What can we do, when our emotions are roiling?  When our mind is reeling from loss?  The following steps help us overcome emotional shell-shock, after experiencing a devastating time.

1. Feel our
emotions, completely.
    We don't want to hide them by burying ourselves with busyness.
2. We need to grieve our losses.
     a. A stiff upper lip is not the answer.  Feeling the enormity of our feelings is critical
     b.  Keeping good company pays off during moments when our soul goes through the dark night of the soul. We want to talk it out. Asking those dear to us to empathize, not give us advise.  We don't need that, at least initially.
3. Let go of our pain.  Hanging on to them or stuffing them is denial. An acronym for denial is:

     Instead, we want to come to terms with reality.  There are many things we can do:
           a.  Exercise---get the emotions out somatically.
                Cycle, jump rope, hike, go to the beach, row, get in your car,                     roll up your windows and scream are some ways of letting it                    out.
           b.  Do a rock funeral.
       Go to a body of water and throw rock into it, while yelling out what disturbs or angers us.  Examples would be, "I hate how you (whoever is the offender is) treated me!" Another might be, "I cannot stand your judgments!" You get the idea.
           c. Listen to soothing music.
4. See what steps we can take next, to remedy our situation.
    a.  It may be asking someone to move out, or we move out.
    b.  We may need to journal out our pain.
       Most emotionally resilient people write. It produces clarity and it helps us to empty out disturbing emotions that percolate within.
    c.  We may use nonviolent communication, letting the other person know what we want, and feel.
5. Be gentle towards ourself.  As the quote to the left mentions, kicking ourselves does not help.


       Recently, over a period of months, I was misled.  This was painfully clear this weekend.  I was reminded of the steps above as I process having the roots of emotional stability yanked upon---violently shaken---Saturday.  I've spent two days processing the sadness and disappointment that flooded my inner world after experiencing betrayal.  It's tough standing tall when my soul was nearly sucked from me.  That it was by the hand of someone nice and kind, makes the pain sharper.

        Something else hindered my soul from standing erect. The knife of regret stabbed the legs of my soul, making them throb. The damage won't heal soon.  Such is life and its learning curve.


       An amazing conversation last week was a carnival of experiences.  Lovers Lane, the Hall of Horrors, and a disorienting fun house, filled with the distorted mirrors of self-delusion, were visited.  An adrenaline producing ride on the roller coaster of emotions took place, too.  If I told you the length of our visit, you wouldn't believe me.  Okay, it was ten hours.  Non-stop.

       During this carnival of a visit I asserted boundaries. This was my most difficult time, ever, of remaining true to principles.  I was strongly seduced to yield to temptation--overlooking boundaries that maintain my sanity, serenity and confidence.  I tried deceiving myself that happiness would be mine, if I surrendered.  But, my recovery has taught me this happiness would have been a temporary joy that would have trampled my values and long-term well-being.

       I haven't a clue what this new year will bring.  But, I know it will be good.  Each year, for the past thirteen, have been better than the previous.  This year will be the same.

1.  Surviving an assault on my emotional well-being.   I am in shock, but not depressed---that may come later. (I jest, I think.)
2.  I didn't busy myself with activity, after coming to terms with being misled.  That would have prevented me from feeling the enormity of my emotions.
3.  I value the sanity I have because I enjoy balance in my life.
4.  I look forward to asserting myself tomorrow.  There has been a hiccup about some plans I have made.  I need to talk with someone and clear that up.

It is late.  This is all I have for tonight. I'll re-work this later.
How About You?
What do you do, to take care of yourself, when you feel sucker punched, emotionally?


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,

Being a Brit I was raised to believe the most proper, ladylike thing to do,if your emotions have been sucker punched to keep a stiff upper lip!This I did until about 21 months ago,where I had the good fortune to meet a wise and kind counselor.Since that time I have been in the process of recovering from my'stiff upper lip syndrome'! One of my favorite things to do is the rock funeral.I would feel powerful and strong every time I hurled a rock into the water as I screamed out what was bothering me.
Thank you for this post.It helps remind me that I have many other options to choose from
if I'm tempted to...keep that stiff upper lip...up!

Jane G.Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Miss Jane,

Thank you for your visits Would you care for a cup of tea? I am in agreement with you. Expressing our feelings is essential for our mental health. Using nonviolent communicaton can be very satisfying---we are adhering to our values while at the same time being considerate and kind towards the other person. Boundaries help too. If another person's unpleasant behavior doesn't improve, we take the steps needed to meet our needs. We are not powerless.

I hope you continue using rock funerals. I certainly would not like to face your wrath. :->

Stick with your emotionally healthy friends. With them, we can empty out what bothers us. It helps release the steam that can get bottled up within us.

Wishing you a great 2015!

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.