Riding, Walking Through Fear. Also, Putting Our Job On Probation ..........5/22/12

To understand the whole work of the Master is not in my power; but to do His will 

as written in my conscience is, and when I do this, then I am at peace. (Leo Tolstoy)

Image: "Elderberry and Swan" by Tim Blessed.
 Copyrighted photo, used by permission.

      Good evening,

Today, all of the conditioning I've gotten from bike riding the past few months was
tested.  In the process, I rode twenty-one miles. This day, I scurried in two different directions, taking care of business.

I rode my bike to the left of the right wall This tube takes you
underneath the San Francisco Bay. It was not a good experience. 

        A new element was added to my cycling experience: overcoming ongoing fear. It seemed like it lasted for hours. It was probably was twenty minutes, twice.

       Rising early, I pedaled furiously. As best I could, I exerted myself while trying not to get my dress clothes wet with sweat. That was a trick in doing, as my appointment took me up Broadway and Piedmont Ave.  The seven mile trek required riding uphill three miles.  Man, my legs are in shape. Effortlessly, I climbed the hills. (Sorry, ladies, no photos of said legs. I don't want you to swoon.)

Inside the Posey. On the right side is someone either walking or riding a bike. This
 sidewalk is wide enough for one person.  When I was inside, the tube was full of
 cars. The roar of the vehicles magnified by the enclosed tunnel. I never experienced
claustrophobia before. On this day I did, for the first time, along with fear. No fun.
************************************************* 

       Before reaching the hills, I threaded my bike through the dark, automobile-exhaust filled, Posey (it would be more aptly named "Poison") Tube. The narrow sidewalk, and I mean narrow---the wall on the right, when I was not careful, pushed on the handlebars, moving my bike towards sliding under the protective horizontal bars, into the traffic.  This part of my journey required every second of my concentration.

       At first, I kept saying, "easy, easy, easy," as I plunged down into the guts of this infernal underground passageway. (It slopes down and then upwards.)  One third of the way through, I had enough of that. I got off my bike. I walked my bike.  My welfare was more important than speed.

       Huge trucks scraped by me, one-foot-away. Their roar was deafening, as was the throaty, low-voiced screams of high-powered motorcycles. Only two horizontal, hollow, metal poles provided protection.

       I was rewarded for enduring this harrowing first-time experience. The meeting was wonderful. The outcome was fantastic, the time was delightful. Helping this organization, and especially Liz, the director I met, I'll enjoy.

       After the appointment, I returned home with apprehension. The specter of going through the tube tested my resolve to overcome freshly created fears. It was worse. Much worse, the second time, as I returned home. (I may write more about that tomorrow, if I update this post.)

      Today's first business journey wiped me out, emotionally---and as a result---I was physically done in, too. It wasn't the miles. Nope. It was the frightful experience of the TUBE.  It goes under the estuary, connecting the island where I live to Oakland. There was no way getting around it.

      An hour and a half after returning home, I raced to another appointment four miles in the opposite direction. That ride was heavenly, in comparison. Shores, birds, the soothing lapping of waves, sand, dirt, trees, and no trucks, filth, or scary moments.

      The outcome of this meeting was not good. I did not like what I saw nor how I was treated. It had nothing to do with me. The lack of professionalism by the person I met soured my interest in helping this organization, even though the journey there was pleasant.
My Gratitudes:
1. I survived the Posey Tube.
2. I survived the Posey Tube.
3. I enjoyed the first meeting. It's wonderful establishing a rapport with another, especially a person who is compassionate, sensitive and intelligent.
4. I'm glad my work speaks for itself.  I look forward to the possibilities that may eventuate as  result of today's meeting.
5. I'm thankful for common sense. It was better for my nerves to walk my bike in the Posey Tube, even though I had to choke back the exhaust fumes.
6. I have a greater appreciation for the scenic bike rides I take. They provide clean, fresh air and a sense of safety that I did not experience today, on my way to Oakland.
How About You? 
1. What is a fear you have recently faced?
2. Have you ever put your job on probation?

      I do that, with any job I've had. I do an assessment after three months. I did that with a job that gave me a 20% raise. I still wasn't happy with it. I found another. The new one paid me even more.

      If I don't like what I feel or see at work, I search for opportunities that are in keeping with my must haves and can't stands, my boundaries.  No job is worth having, if we aren't happy. Staying in such work is underearning, something I'm not interested in doing.  Of course, I find other work before leaving what I have.