Parading the Elephant: Expressing What Bothers Us, Revisited (Doing so with kindness is a source of relief from stress and anger.) .............................5/11/12

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

(Answer at the end of today's post.)

   How are you?

Today, the weather was fantastic.  I love where I live.  I met with clients and with someone I mentor.  Afterwards, I was
exhausted. 

    Once at home, I took care of myself by napping.  Tonight, I cooked.  I also geared up for the weekend by staying home.  Tomorrow, I'll visit friends, have lunch with them and later cycle with a friend.  I'm excited that we'll take a new trail along the shore.  I didn't have time to pursue it Wednesday.  Then, again, I rode 20 miles that day. 

*******************************

     This evening, someone tried communicating with me.  His approach was passive and manipulative.  That approach doesn't work with me. 

     It's not my job reading the minds of others.  I let him know his method was irritating and ineffective.  I know, that's rather blunt. 

     He didn't know how to respond.  That's okay.  It reminds of something I posted on today's anniversary. May it be as helpful for you, as it is for me. 

    Using the principles quoted below reduces frustration.  I've learned to say what concerns me and leave it at that.  I'm not interested in changing others.  I try keeping the focus on me. Let me know your thoughts on the following.

Written last May: 

      It's been a tough week.  I didn't think it would be, but it is.  There's been lots of exhaling on my part.  I'm letting out stress, along with each breath.  Encountering tension is not fun.  The following link is helpful if you want to know if you're dealing with an emotional bully, which is my case.  Click here. 

       I've been an elephant walker, and driver, this week.  The elephant in the living room of a troubled relationship has been paraded by yours truly.  Sometimes I've taken the elephant with me as I went on this week's errands.

       It was a tight fit in the car, but my floppy-eared friend and I visited with a dear friend or two.  Thankfully, these friends helped me to wash this beast----get some of the crud off of this unwieldy pachyderm.  I'm thankful for perspective wrought from wise friends.

      As a result, I can see the Jumbo-sized situation for what it is.  It's an opportunity for exercising principles and living by them----firmly, but graciously----regardless of the resistance encountered.  Naming the elephant, discussing my concerns, doesn't guarantee that circumstances will improve.  In fact, it sometimes intimidates or flummoxes the other person.  In times like these, I find the following helpful:

Life doesn't always go smoothly or peacefully, even though I might wish it would.  In the past when something bothered me, I’d say nothing rather than face an argument.  It seemed better for me to be upset than to risk upsetting someone else. The results were usually disastrous.  I would become irritable and unreasonable as I let resentment fester. 

Today I suspect that adversity has value I hadn’t previously recognized.  When I face adversity and deal with my problems or express my feelings, things have a chance to improve. 

[If I don’t mention my concerns there is no chance of it improving.] Even if they don’t, I release some of the pressure I  feel.  I’m new at this, and I don’t do it very gracefully yet; sometimes it’s scary and sometimes my words are not exactly welcomed. Nevertheless, I feel better when I realize that I have finally begun living life on life’s terms. 

 Looking back, I see how much I’ve grown.  I wouldn’t have chosen any of the crises in my life, but since [I’ve been applying healthy principles in my life], I’ve learned that every problem can help me to change for the better, deepen my faith and add to my self-esteem.

The Chinese word for crisis is written with two characters. The first stands for danger, and the second for opportunity. I'll look for the good hidden within everything I encounter.

 ‘There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.’

'll be happy when my elephant becomes this size----don't laugh,

I've seen it happen with several other elephants in my life!

How About You?

1.  How are you at expressing your needs? I've learned to say what I mean, mean what I say, but not say it meanly.
2. Is there an elephant that you've been walking with this week, an issue that need addressing?

The answer to the question in the caption of the first picture: the grape did not say anything---it gave a little wine.