Monday, April 20

The Value of Anger ........ 4/20/15

      I'm processing confusion, loss, not certain where the waves of the future will lay me down.  I am talking about one area of life.  Gradually, it is dawning that I may have been
misled or unalert.  Not happy about this emotionally painful probability.  But, being precipitous, I am avoiding.

       I am sitting with my feelings, letting them speak, not understanding what they are declaring. Deciphering their message requires being still, while they shriek their warning. The bundled tension of life is being juxtaposed with the serene calmness that recovery and a relationship with God offers.

      Dealt with an angry client today.  By the end of the session, issues were clarified, he back in his right mind.  Experiencing the anger that dwells within me is happening more frequently. Not rage.  Revealing this negative emotion without violence or put downs, I am.

      I'm recognizing that, for years, I have tolerated too much unfairness.  Lack of balance, abuse and selfishness from others I have endured.  I thought I was being nice, patient.  Instead, I was being unfair to me.  Now, I more deeply understand the value of Anger.

      Expressing the needs underneath this negative feeling is producing terrific results, better than I thought.  I am feeling better, too.  Being present helps my relationships become more authentic. The down side is that emotionally and mentally, I am often spent, afterwards.

1.  For patience. This wasn't my nature, as a young man.  Applying healthy principles above my personality allows me to respond, not react.
2.  I spent time with others yesterday at Fenton's Ice Creamery.  Yum.  While there, Stuart and I had a great time, visiting for three hours.
3.  A concert was had in Alameda, Latin Jazz in nature.  Nice.  It was great, slowing down, letting my body be soothed by music.
4.  I was maligned by an abusive person.  That let's me know I am doing something right.

     That's it,  I am tired. Tomorrow, in the early evening, I'll rework this.  I have more to say about the healing beauty that anger provides, and how we can empty out this often volatile emotion properly, not abusively.  In the meantime, let me hear what is alive within you.  I'd love reading your gratitudes. 


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,
Thank you for your post. You taught me the importance of waiting on my feelings. Wow! That resonated with me. I must admit that I tend to hurry that process. I have suffered much in silence simply because I don't give myself enough time to feel and let my voice be heard. I prayed today. I heard my voice. I heard God, and it felt good. I'm sorry for the distress in your life. I pray that God will bring you more clarity and serenity.

1. Spent time with my mother, who has difficulties walking. I helped her run errands. It slowed me down to appreciate my mother, to appreciate my life.
2. My mom taking my youngest son and I out to lunch. We ate sandwiches next to the Newark Lake. It was the first time just the three of us spent time together.
3. Playing guitar and singing.
4. The little synchronicities of song lyrics and the things going on in my life.
5. Time off from work.
6. Reading a book, v.2 of three volumes, called, "Through the Eyes of Jesus." It brought me more perspective on my own life. The power of prayer. To trust my own intuition. To express myself. To take more risks and have more courage with relationships. To trust God.
7. Catching myself as I began to negatively criticize my appearance in a picture. Displeased with my weight. I told myself, under the circumstances, I am doing the best that I can. It's not my fault. We're all learning here. We're all doing the best we can.
8. God's grace.
9. Watched a play Saturday night. Saw old friends. I was content to see that they were doing well. After the play, I spent time with a caring, wise friend. I am glad that we found his lost keys at the theater. It gave us an opportunity to talk afterwards about our own lives.
10. Exercise. Either walked, jogged, or cycled every morning since Saturday. Opening my heart chakra.
11. For prayer. Giving myself the opportunity to let my voice be heard, without me getting in the way.
12. My youngest son. Helping him with his writing project. I admire him for voicing his needs. I wasn't very good with that as a child. Lovely to see how he flourishes with my undivided attention and gentle guidance.
13. For a sweet breakfast with my wife this morning in Niles. I'm grateful for her serenity and simplicity. I appreciate her presence and support. I love you.


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,
Thank you!

Thumper said...

Dear Pablo,

Your post resonated with me. I, too have tolerated too much unfairness, abuse, and toxicity. I am taking steps to change the situation. I am also using you as a role model in order to get in touch with my anger. I am learning to be present with it, as you are doing in your situation. I am also trying to practice patience when encountering toxic individuals, learning to respond and not react. Applying healthy principles is a daily task for me that is beginning to become second nature thanks to much hard work. Thank you for being such an inspiration in my recovery.


Anger is an emotion that also needs to be processed and put in perspective. You are right not to push it down, but define your rights and needs, as a child of God.

Someone said...

Although a lot of people would say anger is something you don't entirely agree with as an emotion, you can still use this emotion as something to learn from. I know for me its hard to relate to people and not just say what I feel when I'm angry and still be considerate to the other person, but just talking and thinking about it, can help me focus onto more opportunities in my future that have to do with anger and figuring out how to cope with it.

Pablo said...

Dear Clark Kent,

You are welcome. I've missed your presence here. Thank you, for all you do to make this a better world.


Pablo said...

Dear Thumper,

I am sorry hearing the hard times you've endured. There is nothing wrong with anger. It's how we express it that we need to be careful about. Anger is a gift. It lets us know a need is not being met.

I cannot respond, not react, if my connection with God is weak, or if I am not tapping into the supportive power of the Safe People in my life.

I am encouraged hearing how your character is growing. That's a sign of how safe your are. Unsafe People do not grow.

It is an arduous process, but worth it, becoming the person we want to be, living authentic lives that are not triggered by the manipulations of others.

Pablo said...


Thank you for your two cents. We have more dignity, too, when we are true to our values. We also have less depression because we are expressing our voice, not letting our spirit to be surpressed. I appreciate you dropping by and giving your insights.

I enjoy the community we share when you and others post comments.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.