Five Steps That Slay the Dragon Of Fear ............... 4/16/15

 Resting In the Tension 

       Early yesterday, I was agitated.

       I was besides myself, not thinking clearly.  My morning was ruined.  The specter of facing an unpleasant person hollowed the joy out of me.

      I was overwhelmed.

      I got in touch with my ugly feelings. I confronted the dark emotions that churned within.  The ones that awaken the nine year old in me.  The young boy that surfaces when I am frightened.

      Last night, my healthier self comforted him.  The recovery-filled self faced the dragon of fear. True to form, it appeared tonight at 6:00 p.m.  I was yelled at.  I was having a session with my most dif-ficult client.

      After these sessions are done, I'm drained.  Usually.  Last night, I was more than fine.  I will apply a solution before the next session.  I will keep my peace of mind from now on.  I will tell you more later.

      Five steps were applied before and after battling the monster that showed up last night.  By 8:00 p.m.,  I was fine.   Life doesn't get better than overcoming weakness and fear that once paralyzed me.

     What I did before encountering tonight's battle helped.  I thrived this time while in the emo-tional storm.  I was strong, having the courage to handle the session.

     Last night, I pressed into the storm.  What I did afterwards also bolstered me.My head was cleared.  My outlook was brightened.

    After tonight's session,  I was loved.  I enjoyed humor.  I laugh-ed.  Was it needed. No, I did not go to a carnival.

      I was supported and given hope.  I met with friends at a res-taurant.  They met my needs for acceptance and celebrating life.  Never more needed than after an emotionally bruising encounter.
 
      I am happy.  Thrilled, even.  A frightening time was faced.  I rested in the tension.  I kept my joy. 

•   I deliberately felt the horrible feelings that emerg-ed.
• I embraced the negative reality.  Surfing difficult cir-cumstances makes my resiliency and equanimi-ty grow.
• I  took in the abuse. I rested in it. I was pressed.  My heart pounded rapidly when the screams started.  I noticed what I was feeling, not my thoughts.  Fleeing dis-comfort cheats me of characterological growth.
• I was comfortable with the confusion of my scat-tered mind.  That happened the client yelled at me.

      Because of the confrontation I anticipated, I took the following five steps:

1.  I reached out to a friend of more than 30 years, Stuart.  He listened.  He cared.  He scraped away the sticky feeling of dread. He used the putty knife of humor and practical insight.

     He set  me walking straight again.   Our close relationship I leaned on.

2.  I connected with my Balcony People.  In the morning.  They:
  a. Listened compassionately.
  b. Prayed for me.
  c. Bolstered me with encouragement.
  d. Laughed with me.  We looked at the humor of this time that normally terrified me.

3.  I was honest.  I did not present myself as being together. When I shared my concerns I mentioned my fear.  I was far from having any poise.  I enjoyed the freedom of being truly me, faults  vulnerabilities and all.

     I was accepted for my authentic self.  It is being controlling, ap-pearing more confident than we feel.  It is an inadequate coping method.  It does not help us overcome what troubles us.

     I have no desire to control..  I'd rather discover the outcome while working out issues with another than manipulate one.  Being transparent is better.  I am being me.  Being genuine is being comfortable, letting others know me.  My faults and all.

     What lets me relax when presenting the real me?  Having good friends that accept us. No matter what package we offer.  We can be who we are.

    They touch the secret place 
where I am really I.
To know the pain of lips that
plead and eyes that weep

    Who will not run away when
 they find me in the street,
Alone and lying mangled
 by my quota of defeats. 

                        James Kavanaugh,

Will You Be My Friend?

4.  Felt where I was triggered.  I was in touch with the areas where I was insecure. Then the best part happened.  I discovered the pearl---the needs beneath my agitation.  Learning what they were, with my supportive network, I took the fifth step...

5.  Expressed my needs for:
     a. Patience.  In the morning, while talking to a friend, he rushed me.  I could not keep up with his comments. My thinking was muddled because of the stress I felt.  I stopped him.  I asked him to slow down.

     I asked him to repeat his comments. I told him was not able to keep up with the pace of his thoughts, I was mentally weary.  This was taking care of me. 
     b. Prayer, receiving it, from many.
     c. Perspective.  I got it.  Just enough.  They were sensitive to my feeling frail.  My friends didn't preach. I value their sensitivity.
     d. Comfort from friends. As I wound down this evening from the intensity of emotions that had been tossed around like a loose bunch of wet clothes in the dryer.

      Life is calmer when it is filled with good company.  I am thankful for having emotionally mature friends.  Last night, they restored my sanity.  They were the source God used to surround my heart with love.

    With the help of my sup-portive network, I was pre-pared.  I was ready when facing a fear-inducing dragon last night.  I stood firm while confronting a person who once scrambled my thinking.  This situation has gone on for more than a year.  My Safe People were my breastplate.

      Wearing their support, I endured fearful feelings.  Bet-ter yet, I put the younger, fearful Pablo to bed.  I over-came a negativity that once overwhelmed me.  I stood up to unpleasantness.  I said no to abuse and insensitivity.

      Next week, I will not work with this person.  I do not get paid to be abused.  I will let this client know he will need to find someone else to help him. I no longer accept unacceptable behavior.  I am meet-ing my need for peace of mind.

      Standing for my dignity and emotional safety gives me a tremendous sense of tranquility.  I am already feeling an ease I lacked earlier yesterday and for nearly a year.