Tuesday, December 30

Roses for Ashes 12/30/14

        A bittersweet time was had Sun-day.  I let go of a relationship, sweetly.  Love accompanied sorrow, connection partnered with sepa-ation.  The visit had laughter and tears stirred together.  Ashes of loss birthed four bouquets of
roses.  Each flower a memento of profound gratitude.

     I spent time with this person, whom I  cherish.  Our relationship is transitioning.  She is not ready for a serious relationship, though she loves me more than any other fellow she's known.  "My heart is not agreement with what I am doing,' she said.  "The hardest part is knowing I'm the one killing my own heart and taking a dearly loved person's heart down with me.  I have to stab mine, with logic," she said.

      The night before our last time together, I asked if she could get twenty-four long stemmed flowers.
      Our time together was gentle.  Heartfelt tears of love and gratitude flowed.  Our amazing relationship was never better, causing the poignancy of the visit.

      I went first.  I shared my gratitude for the laughter we shared, the books we read together, for the poetry we wrote for each other.  Three.  For each source of thankfulness I placed either a pink or red rose in a vase. She followed, sharing three things making her heart sing about us, or me, placing her roses in her vase.

      We alternated eight times. When done, we each had a bouquet of twenty-four flowers, one rose for each month of our relationship.  We each actually had two bouquets of gratitudes.  The one held in our hands, the other, in our hearts.  The scent of both bouquets a reminder of special memories shared.

      Receiving loving gazes from her bolstered my courage as we waded into unfamiliar waters.  Our visit lasted ten hours.  The time seemed as minutes.  I am still reeling from this conversation that almost knocks me off of the precipice of an optimistic and happy life.  The time shared with her was a balance between gracious love and reality.  Never have I known a better, more transparent relationship.

1.  For intimacy.  This word comes from two words.  "In," which means in and "timao," which in Greek means to revere or fear.  With the person I was with, we swam within one another's fears, fearlessly.  There was only acceptance.  Judgment was absent.
2.  For celebrating life.  That happened Sunday.  This was an ebbing moment of life for both of us.
3.  For the joy of being with someone at the beginning of the week who understands me well and loves me. 


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,

A very touching post.How you were able to do what you did here is hard for me to comprehend... I would not want to endure such pain...consciously that is! And you did it with beautiful red and pink roses! You have an amazing positive mind, that even when faced with such incredible heartache you always have your 'love apples' as your shield.

Jane G. Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Jane,

My actions are the result of more than twenty years working on my own recovery from codependency and abuse, especially psychological.

Learning to reframe our challenges helps us to grow in spite of them. When we can see the benefits for whatever circumstances we face, we move from considering ourselves as victims.

"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny." And, if we feel like a doormat, we need to get off the floor."

Lastly, this quote from Winston Churchill helps me to keep perspective: "The optimist sees the opportunity in every problem, the pessimist sees the problem in every opportunity." I would add, it is the optimist who will fly and it is the pessimist who will try clipping his wings, to prevent him from soaring.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.