roses. Each flower a memento of profound gratitude.
The night before our last time together, I asked if she could get twenty-four long stemmed flowers.
Our time together was gentle. Heartfelt tears of love and gratitude flowed. Our amazing relationship was never better, causing the poignancy of the visit.
I went first. I shared my gratitude for the laughter we shared, the books we read together, for the poetry we wrote for each other. Three. For each source of thankfulness I placed either a pink or red rose in a vase. She followed, sharing three things making her heart sing about us, or me, placing her roses in her vase.
We alternated eight times. When done, we each had a bouquet of twenty-four flowers, one rose for each month of our relationship. We each actually had two bouquets of gratitudes. The one held in our hands, the other, in our hearts. The scent of both bouquets a reminder of special memories shared.
Receiving loving gazes from her bolstered my courage as we waded into unfamiliar waters. Our visit lasted ten hours. The time seemed as minutes. I am still reeling from this conversation that almost knocks me off of the precipice of an optimistic and happy life. The time shared with her was a balance between gracious love and reality. Never have I known a better, more transparent relationship.
Gratitudes:
1. For intimacy. This word comes from two words. "In," which means in and "timao," which in Greek means to revere or fear. With the person I was with, we swam within one another's fears, fearlessly. There was only acceptance. Judgment was absent.
2. For celebrating life. That happened Sunday. This was an ebbing moment of life for both of us.
3. For the joy of being with someone at the beginning of the week who understands me well and loves me.
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2 comments:
Dear Innkeeper,
A very touching post.How you were able to do what you did here is hard for me to comprehend... I would not want to endure such pain...consciously that is! And you did it with beautiful red and pink roses! You have an amazing positive mind, that even when faced with such incredible heartache you always have your 'love apples' as your shield.
Jane G. Yorkshire
Dear Jane,
My actions are the result of more than twenty years working on my own recovery from codependency and abuse, especially psychological.
Learning to reframe our challenges helps us to grow in spite of them. When we can see the benefits for whatever circumstances we face, we move from considering ourselves as victims.
"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny." And, if we feel like a doormat, we need to get off the floor."
Lastly, this quote from Winston Churchill helps me to keep perspective: "The optimist sees the opportunity in every problem, the pessimist sees the problem in every opportunity." I would add, it is the optimist who will fly and it is the pessimist who will try clipping his wings, to prevent him from soaring.
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