Saturday, December 20

Expressing Feelings and Values, Not Acting Like The Codependent Person I Was Groomed to Be ....................12/20/14

           I visited a blog Friday night.  Appal-led.  No emotions expressed. What was written was theore-tical, giving the semblance of thoughts of an unim-aginative college student writing a college paper.  As tasty as distilled water.  Honesty, vulnerability or transparency were
not expressed.  No inspiration.

Childhood Emotional Coercion
Trained for Codependency---Ignoring Our Feelings and Needs

        I am thankful I express my feelings.  Often.  As a child I couldn't have them.  As a child I could not mention them, especially the dark ones.  Of course, I had vocal chords.  But I might as well not have.  I was labelled a trouble-maker if I mentioned what troubled me.  I was upsetting the classroom, disturbing the catechism class or those of us sitting at the kitchen table for dinner if I was vulnerable or vocal.


         Despite the intensity of my emotions, I was to ignore a vital part of who I was. If I didn't, I was ridiculed or physically punished. Asserting my boundaries was unacceptable, because I was a child. Please everyone, but not  myself, was the order of the day.
          Some day it made.

         This was how I was trained by school, church and family.  Ignoring my needs, disregarding my opinions, not expressing my voice made me a good boy.  Compliance was best.


Gratitudes for Friday
1.  I napped tonight.  It balanced an intense week, including an in-depth conversation on Wednesday.  My head is no longer hazy.
2.  I may be
sick.  We'll see.  If I am, it will slow me down, a good thing, forcing rest upon me.
3. I have been charting the past few days---working on client files.  I like the clarity it provides as I review my workload.
4.  I am glad I am not involved with Facebook. I visit my page three times a year. I don't even know why I do.  I prefer the connecting and intimacy that face-to-face relating provides.
5.  I am teaching a class in January.  I thrive when I do.  It spurs my creativity and allows self-expression---I feel more alive.
6.  I am taking steps that furthers my professional growth.  It will take me out of town early next week.  I enjoy getting better at what I do.  I love discovering new material that adds wholeness to my life, keeping me fresh.

Your Turn: 
What are your gratitudes for today? 


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,
I'm grateful the Inn is open, even though you may be' under the weather '.Hopefully you will rest with the help of that inviting hammock, I see!
My gratitudes are:
1.I got out of the'dog house' with a dear friend.Such a relief!
2.I continue to be healthy,even though my manager at work,showed up on Thursday looking like a 'Zombie'.Totally sick...high temperature and all!
3.Feeling competent because I managed to mail my Christmas cards,to my family in England...on time this year.
4.I played my guitar yesterday,to help chase away the 'blues'.It helped fulfill my need for self-care.A new skill I'm in the process of learning.

Jane G. Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Jane G.,

Thank you, for your visits, it makes it not so lonely, here, at the inn. Kudos to you, for taking care of yourself in several ways! I'm sure using H.A.L.T. also helps you, too.

I appreciate you sharing four gratitudes, when I only ask for three. The more the merrier.

You have my prayers for greater inner strength, competence and consistent use of your boundaries. Don't let anyone trample over them!

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.