Thursday, December 4

Ten Things That Make For a Healthier Relationship. What's Happening With The Innkeeper........ ................. 12/4/14

  What have I learned lately?  How about this:

1.  Speak truth.  But, do so gently.  "The mouth of the wise commends knowledge. But from the mouth of the fool gushes folly." Proverbs 15:2
2.  Be present.  Share what is alive within me, graciously.  This means not being triggered or motivated by fear.  Presence is possible when we are
relaxed, comfortable in our own skin.
3.  If immersed in issue filled with nettles, disengage, and get perspective.  However, being an adult means seeing conflicts as normal, not catastrophes. We are no longer seven or nine years old.
4.  Time out, when something troubles me, when with another. Say what I feel and want. Then find out the response of the other person.  Help them discuss their feelings and needs, too.
5.  Compassion means listening to understand, not reply.
6.  New legacies can overrule default modes of being controlling, critical, negative or guilt inducers. It requires consciousness, to create improvements in how we respond when angry or disappointed.  It also requires a mindset of doing what is in the best interest of everyone, not just ourselves.
7.  The slogan, "Let It Begin With Me" is important.  Be the change we desire to see in relationships. One life showing the way is better than ten tongues trying to describe it.
8.  Relate with others to discover the outcome, not to manipulate in order to get the one I want.
9.  Mutuality, sensitivity, compassion and emotional safety are key for any relationship to thrive.
10. Translate the need that lies beneath the criticism or judgment of an other. Initially this is hard to do. It is easy becoming defensive, when new to nonviolent communication and getting real with others.


       Wow!  Triple wow.  Amazing.  Stunned.  Happy.  Enchanted.  I'm at a loss for words, expressing myself.  I'm exploring thrilling, new ground.  Really.  All because I used the principles listed above.

     My greatest dreams realized.  I think.  Greater clarity shall appear soon.  Still,  I am delighted, chuffed to bits (British slang).  Indeed.

     I love my life, I love my work, I love my family, I love my friends.  Thrilled, I am with the shape and course of my life.

     Today, the greatest news was received at 2:20 p.m.---beyond spectacular.  My patience is being tested, all for the good.  I can't wait for the wonderful gifts God has in store.  Differ-ent than ever imagined as a lad.  Could I have gotten better information?  Impossible.  A happy dance my heart did this afternoon.  There hasn't been a day like this since January 30th, this year, at 11:30 a.m.

       I love the rate my soul is maturing.  Compared to previous similar moments, I have moved from Nean-derthal to urbane the past two years.  For good reason, too.

    What was at stake was more valuable than anything I have known.  What was God's strategy?
 He had me busy, doing what I thought was the next right thing. This was to distract me while He was putting things in order, way better than I could ever dream.

      I was blown away this afternoon.  For a while, not thinking straight, I was be-sides myself. Not common---but this time is was a moment of  luxuriating in all the good happening in my life!

How About You? 
What is some good news you have recently received? 


Thumper said...

Dear Pablo,

Recently, I was being tested once again to stand in my power. I realize that this is for my own good, part of my growth and learning. I am being given opportunities to practice what I have spent the past two years learning. In all honesty, I dread it! This time though, surprisingly, it was easier to be present and respond instead of getting triggered. My handling of the situation was not perfect, but it was 80% better than usual! Progress not perfection, right? Kudos to me!

Pablo said...

Dear Thumper,

What is key is realizing power struggles are normal. As a child of 7 or 9, it's understandable, being scared when confronted by an adult who has leverage over us, just with their age and size. It's even more daunting as a child when confronted by an authority figure, like a parent or teacher. We can't buck them.

However, as adults we can see conflicts as normal, a part of life. Which means we do not catastrophize. We disagree calmly----softly speaking our truth with love apples in our cheeks.

When we panic, we are not present. We usually accommodate the bully, not even thinking about our needs. Being present is letting the other person know what our feelings and wants are in that circumstance, giving the other person feedback. We let them know what actions we will take, if they continue their unacceptable behavior or comments. Being real is standing in our power, recovery and integrity. We enjoy the Grand Prix, as shared in this link.

Dear Thumper, the more we exercise/apply principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality, the stronger we become characterologically. It gets easier. As with everything, as you stated, we look for progress, not perfection. We are satisfied with 1% improvement a day.

Last but not least, yes, kudos to you for your courage, standing up for your values. We get what we tolerate. You are letting others know they need to respect you and principles!

Depression will diminish and your self-esteem increases when you exercise your voice. I am proud having you as a guest of this inn. Thank you, for sharing your successes, here!

Anonymous said...

Dear Pablo,

I did it! I actually did it!
I like the Bible quote at the beginning of your post.As I read it and take it in I'm surprised how it moves my heart.I realize that I have lost hope. That's exactly whats wrong with heart is sick....oops I gotta go...I'll finish later.

Jane G. Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Jane G. Yorkshire,

Yes, you did it. What can you do to find the hope you lost? Do you know where you might have dropped it?

Hey, you are pulling a me. I look forward to your future visits---and three more comments. :-) You are getting good at writing them. I like the discipline you applied to write as much as you do.

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.