Wednesday, October 16

Applying Grace and Principles Above My Personality 10/16/13

Yorkshire countryside. Lovely. Doris, you were fortunate. 
     Good evening.  The day was hot and so were several people who spoke tonight, when I met with friends.

My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1.  Tonight, I heard two women vent.

     They presented themselves as victims, expressing their feelings.  Actually, what was voiced were not feelings but judgments.  See here for more about that.  It was fascinating and saddening at the same time to behold this happening among a group of friends.

      I was glad to hear their complaints.  It allowed me to know their character, and note growth in mine.  Their comments revealed their worldview and values.  I'm not in agreement with them.  Their litany of accusations prompted discretion, patience, grace, causing me to place character above the vulnerable parts of my personality, including anger.

     After the meeting, two different women---a mother and her adult daughter---approached me. They addressed me because they felt I was the safest person to discuss their concerns about what they heard.  That was a wonderful respite from the toxicity that was poured out by the two disgruntled women.
2.  I'm exhausted.  I'm tired because of long hours I'm putting in, working, seeing plenty of people.  It's a good problem, especially in today's rough economy.  I'm thankful for the abundance. However, I'm striving for balance, which means, sleep, rest, time for myself, study, prayer and then more sleep.
3.  I'm glad I don't accept unacceptable behavior.  Nowadays, there's confusion as to what are acceptable values.  I'm glad I'm clear about mine.

      Others don't have to agree with mine, at all.  But I will remain true to standards that I hold dear: consistency, nonviolence, consideration, mutuality, sensitivity, integrity, responding, not reacting, cooperation and affirming the gift of life and those I know.

      I show empathy, even with those I disagree---like at this evening's meeting----because I know that empathy does not mean agreement.  It simply indicates I'm connecting with the feelings and needs of the person with whom I'm relating, be he friend or foe.

Related Post: 
Maintaining Emotional Sobriety. 


Optimistic Existentialist said...

I am very glad that they have you to listen to them Pablo. I know you're a kind soul who cares and they recognize that.

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

Beautifully spoken! I can feel the energy, mood, and your heart behind every word, as though I was there... At the end of the day, heaven surely vindicates the righteous. And, a wise man once said..."The truth is like a lion. If you turn it loose, it will defend itself!" I'm sure that most in the room of friends knew who "brought the lion to the meeting!"

On this Thursday night, as I prepare to embark on my first transcontinental journey (to NYC) in some time, I am grateful for...

1. The new-to-us, cleverly designed, light yet sturdy, Samsonite carry-on roller bag that swallowed-up all my weekend clothing somehow.

2. The clear thinking that inspired my early departure from the North Bay wine country, to that much needed retreat to the gym; pool, jacuzzi and steam.

3. I will be able to visit with my old friend of nearly 40 years, and catch up on our respective lives; city mouse and urban mouse...

Pablo said...

Dear Keith,

I appreciate the unceasing positivity of your comments. You won't believe it. One of the two women who vented toxicity, read this post and tried using it against me. Wow, and humorous.

This where the acronym for the word "detach" helps: Don't Even Think About Changing Him/Her.

I love my life and so value those dear to me. They offer the positive emotional constancy I, and all of us need.

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

Thank you, for your support. It's great having you back. Perhaps you can share additional positive moments that you had, while with your friend, Frank.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.