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Fenton's has been around since 1894. This photo is an
anomaly. Typically, there is a long line to get in, even at midnight. |
Today's topic follows my grati-tudes. I had a humdinger of a day, but good. I just got in. Before posting, I ate cinnamon peach ice cream I got at Fenton's. Yum!! If you ever saw the animated movie "Up" this ice cream parlor was featured in it.
Gratitudes for Monday:
1. The weather was fabulous. The bay area weather can't be beat. No humidity, weather in the 70's.
2. I met with a several and led a group session. The results were fantastic. I love it when intimacy, authenticity, openness, safety, trust and compassion are expressed in a safe venue.
3. The fruit of the meeting was heartening. We were able to discuss our powerlessness over different issues in our lives.
4. I got acquainted with terrific people. My time with them was deeply satisfying. It met my need for connection, celebration of life and ease.
Not Being Swayed by Intimidators & Those Who Blame
This evening, I had fun. Someone tried confronting me and a few others. I used verbal Aikido (for more about that, please click here). It helps remembering to be responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others.
We can't make anyone happy, sad, angry or any other feeling without them giving us permission to do so. A person wanted to blame me and another for her feelings. Sorry, that's crossing of boundaries. We are responsible for our own feelings. If I bought into her reasoning, I would have agreed to being a codependent.
There was a third person involved in this "dynamic" conversation. After this evening's drama, she told me she appreciated how the situation was handled. Years of experience and personal growth made it possible. Meditation, study and prayer helps me to respond and not react. It's easy to be externally referented---- allowing others to trigger our reactions, if we're not careful, don't stay in the moment and are not centered.
Most of us are trained as kids, by our society, to react to the feelings of others. We accommodate the dramatic person's needs, with little thought to our own feelings, needs and behavior.
If we yield to their angry or imperious demands, we are taking the first steps towards developing an unhealthy relationship, usually with a narcissistic person. We want to be careful to not lose our life of centeredness.
This happens when we allow another person's feelings to determine our own. It also occurs when we yield our values and follow that of others, for the sake of maintaining that relationship.
I appreciate friends who love me unconditionally. I don't surrender my values to have them. The ones who aren't this way, I bless and send on their way. I realize they aren't God's gift for me. Releasing those who love me conditionally provides me with greater serenity and reduces the insanity in my life.
How About You?
1. What do you do, when feel responsible for the feelings of others? 2. What are important boundaries for you?
3. How do you handle emotional bullies?
I'd love hearing your answers.
Posts
2 comments:
I have a hard time not being triggered when it comes to my family and some people at work that don't really like me. The only way I will be able to stay true to who I am and not flip out about what someone says to me, is for me to keep a straightforward mind, and to know about what I'm going for my future, because in the end all that matters is for me to strive with the people that are in my life and me becoming a happy person.
Dear Someone,
I am amazed and happy, reading the multitude of comments you posted today. What a terrific surprise. Thank you!
Boundaries help us to remain calm, when others try to provoke us. I am mindful that no one can make me happy, sad, angry or have any other feeling without me giving them permission to do so.
I agree with you. Having goals helps us to stay on track. You will accomplish much with the attitude you have.
Have a great month of May, it is coming soon.
The Innkeeper
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