Thursday, September 15

Seeing My Son Soar 9/16/11

A stunt kite. The type I use. On the west end of the
 island where I live, I can fly a kite daily. It has
two strings, making this airborne item controllable
and plenty of fun.  It's one way I decompress. 
       Good evening,
How are you this day?  I know we can easily get enmeshed with others, res-cuing them from their
problems and drama.  Doing so will be exhausting.  When we do, we are crossing boundaries.   It's important to  care about others, but to not care for them, in the sense of doing their duties for them.

       For a better idea about what I mean, I leave the following excerpt from another page in this inn:

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring:
            it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off:
    it is the realization that I can’t control
    another.
To let go is not to enable: but to allow learning 
         from natural consequences.....
To let go is not to care for, but to care about. 
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

For the complete version of this text, please click here

My Gratitudes for Thursday:
1.  I spent several hours with my oldest son.  He's on break from school this week. We walked around town and had an early dinner.  At a Chinese restaurant we ate; it's a favorite style of cooking we both like.
2. We camped at the restaurant for an hour and a half, bonding, catching up on what's happening in our lives.
     I'm not with him much: he has a girlfriend, a large social network, is president of the local chapter of the American Marketing Association, is completing his college education and works as a manager.  Other than that, he's not busy.

      I've let him know that he's my son, not my child.  Of course, he's my biological child.  I didn't mean it that way.  I'm referring to someone you parent, where you have an upper hand and tell them what to do.  In that sense, for a long time, he's not been my child.  He's my adult son; I treat him as my equal.  I learn and grow when I'm in his presence.  It's terrific enjoying him for the fabulous adult he is.

      I value his insights; he helps me grow: he challenges me and provides added perspective. (That's gratitude number three.)  I marvel at the gift of having him as my son. I've always considered raising children as similar to flying kites, with one exception.

      I enjoy flying-two stringed stunt kites, similar to the first featured today.  As a child, I flew  the one stringed version of those contraptions.  In college it was a box kite.  I'd fold it up and kept it in the trunk of my car. I'd let it loose in the wind when I wanted to unwind from the pressures of attending U.C. Berkeley.  Of course it wouldn't hurt that I'd take a female coed with me, and fly the kite at the beach in Santa Cruz or the Berkeley Marina.

     Getting back to parenting.  I see that it's like flying a kite.  Once in flight---gradually---you let out more and more string.  We don't cling unto the kite, hugging it close to our chest, smothering it.  This colorful, tailed object was made to dance, at length, among the clouds. The difference between parenting and kiting is exactly that---at some point, as parents, we heed the quote at the beginning of today's post.

     We let go.

     I'm proud seeing my son untethered, soaring brilliantly.

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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