Seeing Reality, Going With Life's Flow................ 2/13/14

      Nearly two years ago, I was getting to know someone.
   
       Intelligent was she and gifted.  The time spent was good, most of the time.  Relating with her reminded me of a story in Courage to Change.

       The story spoke of
a person forcing a zipper to zip.  Trying harder, the two sides were not lining up. Taking time, she noticed she was trying to force the zipper to the outside of the coat to zip with the inside zipper for the removable inner lining.

       Such is life.  I'm happy for the equanimity enjoyed when going with life's flow, not making things happen that shouldn't.

       With this woman, there was lots of drama.  She suffered from anxiety, depression, and co-dependency.  We corresponded much.
     

       Indeed, like 7,000-word let-ters.  This woman was curious, seeking help. Then it happened.

       I asked for support in a matter. "No can do," said she.  I was happy with her reply.

       Really.  Reciprocity is critical in my relationships, and I get what I tolerate.  I didn't let the vulnerable part of me get drawn into the flames of codependency, thinking only of other people's needs, ignoring mine.

       Having a balanced relationship, having mutuality is what I need.

       I allowed her to wrestle with her issues, taking responsibility for her feelings, and they were hers, not mine, to fix.

       I'm glad when idiot lights flash on my relationship dashboard, and that happens when I allow attachment with anyone to pre-cede my values. In this case, I let her know I was grateful for her non-response.

       It was a response.  This person chose to not respond.  I asked her to do me a favor, not contact me any further.

       I thrive and flourish in healthy relationships; emotional vam-pires have no appeal. I don't let them glomb on to me.  No thanks, I'll pass on those offers.
     
       I am not interested in zipping things where they are not meant to zip, like the photo above.  I know better.  My friendships are organic, flowing with ease.

       They are a cherished part of who I am.  My friendships contribute to my attitude of gratitude.  Our greatest human need is bonding with healthy people. 
     

        I let her know I was in-terested in friendships offering reciprocity.  We get what we tolerate.  Fantasizing about an unhealthy relation-ship, convincing myself that it is better than it is, is defensive hope.

        I prefer reality. What a sanity saver it is.

       Well, I've written all that to say this.  I'm happier than a cat that licked up a bowl of tuna juice.  I'm thrilled with the closeness I enjoy with dear friends.

        I'm relieved, and I no longer wear the cape of codependency.  Externally referenting, rescuing others from their miseries, is a thing of the past.

        I delight in the strength derived when I keep the focus on myself.  I meet my needs, letting others be themselves.  There is only one God, and I am not him.

        Love to each of you.  Tomorrow, Valentine's Day will be the best ever.   Living with gratitude, it will be yours, too.