Tuesday, February 25

Not Allowing Others To Define Us or Trigger Our Moods, Revisited 2/25/14

Gratitude is the fairest blossom
 which springs from the soul.
Henry Ward Beecher

       Here I am, again. And, am I glad.
My Gratitudes for Tonight: 
1.  The time had with a client went well.  Helping others make the most out of their lives is a joy.  I like being effective and supporting others at the same time.  Doesn't that sound like a good job?  I thankful for providing
balance, comfort and dignity for those who are vulnerable.
2.  Tonight, I met with someone I mentor.
       We supped, having a lively discussion about the signals of pain in his life.  We looked at the need for great effort, needed to overcome negative generational legacies.
        I look forward to our times together.  I value the authenticity, honesty, closeness and friendship we've developed.
3.   I celebrate the discipline and determination I've applied as the innkeeper.  I like the self-expression this inn provides.
4. I researched today, I love the discovery, growth and learning that happens when I do. I'm trying to forestall dementia.  :->
5. I expressed my voice this week, even though it was uncomfortable when I did. I placed principles above my personality.  More about that in a second.
6. I rode my bike.  I look forward to putting in more miles.  I like the adventure, fun, mental and physical comfort cycling provides.

Someone Tried Intimidating:

      Someone tried telling me what I knew.  "You know the answer!!" this person replied, when asked a question.  It was a subject of which he is familiar.  I am not.

         "No, I don't," I replied.  I enjoy admitting ignorance. There are lots of things I don't know.  Ignorance is not a statement about me.  I quietly asked him not to tell me what I know.  Others do not define who I am, my capabilities or lack of them.  No one knows what goes on inside my head. With a soft voice I said so.

         He growled, "I don't want to argue with you."

        "You are the one arguing,"  I replied. "I simply asked a question."

         He got up, storming away.  I'm thankful I don't react when others try triggering me.  No one can get our goat if we don't let them know where it is tied.

         I value my autonomy, I don't allow others to tell me what I know. Do you know what we call it, when we allow others to define us or determine our moods?


         For more on this subject, please click here.  It probably frustrated him, that I do not surrender my opinions or values when he blusters. I'm internally referented. It provides me with an internal compass that allows me to enjoy life pretty well.

         As I become more comfortable with my likes, needs, wants, dreams and desires, I more willingly face the disapproval of others.
"I ... honor others when they choose to be themselves, whether or not I like what I see. [Because the world does not determine its values by ours---it's a bit bigger than us.] ......
"I am learning to find my place in this world---a place where I can live with dignity and respect."
'I exist as I am, that is enough. If no other in the world be aware, I sit content. And if each and all be aware, I sit content.'   Walt Whitman       Courage to Change, p.217

  7. I'm grateful for having the confidence needed to stand up to emotional bullying.
  8. I opened up with someone today.  I let him know why studying is easy for me, and why my mind races as it does.
How About You? 
What has happened to you this week that causes your soul to smile? What are your gratitudes for today?  You just heard some of mine.
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Optimistic Existentialist said...

Congrats to your son Pablo!! You must be so proud. And congrats to you on your 400th posts. That is a tremendous milestone. Thank you for your always wonderful blog.

Syd said...

It is hard to deal with disagreeable people, but I agree that not letting them define how I feel or what I do is a huge step.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.