Relating With the Emotionally Fevered ....6/11/11

     Good evening everyone, a special welcome to the visitor from Germany!

Tonight's topic I'll get to, in just a  minute. But, first, I want to check in.  Alexander's death, I'm accepting, slowly and grudgingly.  Today, I got away from the events of this week by haunting what is fast becoming my favorite places for tea, Abigail Cafe. It faces the bay with the jagged, mountainous  San Francisco Peninsula as the backdrop to this body of water. Little varmints poke their heads up, in the foreground, along the shoreline. Taking in the view, sipping Moroccan tea while chatting with a friend, helped me unwind from the drama
of this week. This afternoon, I immersed myself in study, something I love doing: it relaxes me.

      Last night, my middle son and I bonded for five hours. How great is that??!? Micael and I deviated from our normal routine. We dined, later meeting with friends. The evening capped off  with berry pie, while we hung out with another set of friends. My son and I shared what was going on in our lives. Our time certainly put a satisfying end to an emotionally exhausting, cat losing week.

My Gratitudes for Saturday:

1. Sunday, I'll go for a walk and fly stunt kites with a friend I haven't seen in fifteen months.
2. Tomorrow, I'll visit with others before seeing the friend in gratitude number one, above.
3. I look forward to the discipline I'll exercise this upcoming week. I need to take my driver's license test on Monday, I'll pursue business related opportunities and will look into options that will strengthen my business. Discipline is the operative word for this upcoming week. Discipline with my time, my focus----especially  regarding priorities that fit with my overall vision regarding my life and work.
4. I'm thankful for a conversation I had yesterday with my brother who lives in Hawaii. It's been a long time since we talked. It's wonderful communicating with him; catching up with each other. I enjoy connection we share.
5. I am honored that I'm considered a friend, by my adult sons. I enjoy our time together, like last night. I look forward to Father's Day where we will launch multiple rockets and spend the day together.

Relating With The Emotionally Fevered

       Someone tried shaming me, today. When I asked him what motivated his unkind comments, his reply was, "I'm only telling the truth." I'm glad I addressed the situation without getting irritated or allowing my feelings to be hurt.  However, his justification for his verbal abuse  reminded me, while he was speaking, of the following passage:

 I recently had an argument with someone I care about. He had made, all too publicly, a few remarks to me about my weight.....Later, when I told him that my feeling were hurt, he insisted he had done nothing wrong---that what he had said was true, so I shouldn't take offense.

How often have I justified my unkindness, or my interfering where I had no business, with that very argument?  Too many times, especially during [days when my loved one's behavior was less than desired.]  After all, I claimed, I was right....and it was my duty to say so---again, and again, and  again. 

I am learning to let go of my certainty about what other people should do. We've all heard the saying, we can be right, or we can be happy.  I don't have to make anyone over in my image. With help, I can live and let live. 

I am not an insensitive person, but at times I have justified insensitive behavior by claiming to be right. I can respect another's right to make his or her own choices, even when I strongly disagree.  My relationships will improve if I can love myself enough to let other people be themselves.

'Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are  right, make us easy to live with.' 

          I ask God to allow me to be considerate when I talk. I do not deserve abuse, no one does. But, neither am I to dish it out, either, even when I'm ridiculed. When my sons were children, I would have never disciplined them for having a fever. When someone is abusive, they reveal that they're embroiled in an emotional fever.

         Seeing abusive behavior in that light allows us to not take mistreatment personally. It also helps us if we remember that how another person treats us is not a statement about us. It's a statement about them, the victimizer, their values and worldview. I'm mindful of this passage from a poem:

 Like calls unto like. We are met by the traits we show.  Where love will find a friend, hate will find a foe.                  Edgar Guest

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          May I  hear from you? Your comments and gratitudes make possible the community we enjoy here. Have a great and grateful day. Here's to communicating,