The Source for Peace of Mind During Life's Storms............ 1/31/21

     Today, I rested. 

      Was it needed.  So many things hap-pening that I must make time to look out for my inter-ests. That includes peace of mind, ease,

and tranquility. 

      I am fortunate.  It is fulfilling, helping others in the work I do.  I also like being the innkeeper of this place. 

      I enjoy assisting those mangled by abuse and self-loathing.   They learn how to liberate themselves from false beliefs.  Many of them  created in childhood by their non-cognitive mind---their limbic sys-tem.

      Every month is an opportunity for our characterological growth.  More importantly, recovery lets us nurture the wounded child within us that is awakened each time we are threatened.
     

    During intense negative circumstances, equanimity can be ours, when living with recovery.  What a  change  from the fears that normally torment us when we are troubled.  Equanimity allows us to sail in the stormiest of conditions, undaunted.  

     

       We ride the waves of life's difficulties calmly with clear minds because exe-cutive function-ing replaces fear. 

       Recovery teaches us the loudest voice---the emotions screaming within us---is not necessarily the truest.  That a feeling is just that, an emotion, not a prophecy. 

        We can enjoy peace in areas of life that once were fraught with fear.  This is true when the scabs of traumatic youthful experiences are reopened.  This calmness in the midst of mental storms hap-pens when we place principles above the negative default modes of our personality. 

         Drawing from the love from others---having emotional object constancy--replaces fear and dread.  Standing up for ourselves re-places passivity.  Allowing others to have their anger without being affected by it replaces cowering, being intimidated. 

         We transform from being a fearful mouse to a lion roaring with recovery. 

         Recovery uses boundaries to stand up for our feelings and needs.  Recovery develops our character discernment which in turn keeps emotional vampires at bay. 

         Affirming love received from our healthy supportive community fills the void once occupied by apprehension when we were triggered emotionally. 

        We can have emotional vitality and the ability to respond calmly during difficult times.  These stronger responses are the fruit of   rigorous, disciplined hard work on our character. It is enjoying the harvest of recovery.

       

        We nurture the plant of healthy, invigorating,  relationships, devoid of a controlling nature.  We sprinkle the seeds of boundaries and princi-ples in our exchanges with others. The result is the banquet of emo-tional ease and safety when relating.  

        Recovery principles like "How important is it?" or "Our common welfare comes first when relating" creates closeness and fulfilling authentic relationships.  Living with this attitude, power struggles disappear.  We benefit because of healthy boundaries that strengthen our relationships with others. 

       There are trust and intimacy in our relationships when we stop being controling.  Replacing outworn false beliefs and moving beyond codependency is applying Miracle-Gro to our character discernment.  It vastly improves the quality of our connection with others. 

       These areas of improvement allow for depth and reciprocity in relationships that few enjoy.

       

       These steps are healing for the soul-sickness that was once plagued us before we drew from recovery.  Our emotional belly becomes relaxed, sa-ted. It is a relief, being delivered from the mental and emotional disease of  codependency. 

 Life is enjoyable, when we are free from narcissists  and emotional bullies because the growth of our people picker, also known as char-acter discernment. We are more aware when others are toxic. 

       Emotional maturity is marvelous.  We are happier.  We discover love from a tender, patient God, and from our loving community of family and friends.  

       These are not Facebook quality friends, who are in reality sup-erficial acquaintances, but Balcony People.  They provide emotional stability, serenity, and safety.  The emotional object constancy we have with them strengthens us. 

       The support we get helps us push through arduous, emotionally taxing times.  Something else helps, too.  We take care of our vulner-able self.  We nurture this part of us.

       This is our younger selves who vividly lives within us.  It's tragic the conditional love frequently doled out by parents. "If you jump through hoops---- perform "well"----we'll approve of you."

"When the applause of others becomes the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me."   Courage to Change, p. 9

        Sadly, this is the experience of many, growing up.  It was mine.

        Doing well in school, sports, playing a musical instrument, success---in whatever way a parent considered "well"----was necessary if a child was to be praised.  This mentality is tragically scarring.  Children unconsciously absorb it, carrying unhealthy beliefs into adulthood, conditioned to constantly seek the approval of others.  

       Many are culturally coerced into this form of codependency, trained to be externally referented.  Yes, that is a word.  For more about this subject, please read any of these links.

      Children, and others, should not be treated like little monkeys wearing flat-topped caps who must dance the dance of performance before the organ grinder of life feeds them peanuts of praise.

       We want to create a different legacy.   We want to love simply because of who they are.  That's it.  

        In healthy relationships, if others never accomplish anything---our love for them does not diminish.  This is also true for our family or friends.  We love those in our lives for who they are, frailties, faults, and all.         

      They do not need to perform. 

      Those we love are cherished uncondi-tionally.  The bond we share is our most treasured earthly privilege, along with the relationship we have with a gracious, loving God.

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       Those on a boat, overwhelmed by the severe tossing of a hellacious storm, have two responses---be agitated, distracted, and panic, or keep their cool, and do what's necessary to make it to shore.

        Who do you think is most successful?  You are right, the one keeping his wits. This is the response we want when engulfed by upsetting circumstances. 

        Our mantra during difficult seasons of life can be, "Don't think.  Just put one foot in front of the other."  It works.  We accomplish more than believed possible when we persevere instead of  persev-erating.
     

         This happens when we are patient with our limita-tions.   We are gentle towards ourselves in the charactero-logical areas needing help.  When we are compassionate towards ourselves, challenges are overcome.  

         We can focus on healthy alternatives that let us tran-scend vulnerabilities and negative behaviors that once defeated us.

        Ya ay!

        It feels good, being loved, supported, and undergirded by a loving God and good friends---our  Balcony People (A different link).  It's terrific, finding a safe harbor, moving beyond the rough seas that once tossed and disturbed our serenity and joy.

My Gratitudes for this Lovely Day

1. I did errands that improve my life. Can't beat that.
2. I had fun traveling along beautiful country roads this afternoon, pushing my sportscar through its paces.  It is encouraging to see improvement in my handling of the car. 
3. I rested. I was in HALT and halted. I respected and was gentle towards myself.
4. I wrote this post.  Something I love doing.  Often I don't know what I'm going to say until I put my fingers to the keypad. 

5.  This month four posts were submitted, a step I enjoy seeing.  I'm hoping to write more often. 

6  Today, I'm preparing for times with clients, doing mundane chores essential for the work I do. It enriches me, too.  

    Doing these tasks force me to place discipline above my personality.  I am tired and disciplining myself to "keep calm and carry on." 

7. I heard an inspiring message from an excellent speaker.  What he shared I'm applying to my life.
8. I will get to bed earlier.  I'm more effective when I do. 
9. I love priorities and the order they create.  They help me to focus on the action that will produce the greatest bang for the time I invest.

How About You?
Are you finding yourself at peace with yourself? If so, what helps you to know tranquility?
I'd love hearing from you,