Character Discernment, Part IV : Freedom from Narcissists:....... 3/3/12

Money will buy a fine dog, but only love will 
makehim wag his tail Image byTim blessed.
"Countryside:Sunlit Canal Path" Copyrighted 
photo. All rights reserved.  

     My grati-tudes are highlighted in purple.

      I'm thank-ful for my in-tuition. While getting to know some-one, the caution flag of discernment prodded my consciousness.

  In younger years, its voice was ignored. During the past two months, I listened to its advice. I did this while getting to know some-one.   

      I have learned the value of cau-tion and pa-tience.  They spare me from getting involved with emotionally unhealthy people.  I'm quicker at respecting this reptilian part of me, the limbic system.  This is the part of us that senses fear and danger. 

       I did not allow my cognitive self overrule common sense.  My more basic, less rational self has a primal wisdom.  Unfortunately, it is often ignored by our rational self.  In the past, not paying attention to it caused distress. 

    This woman I'll call "Barbara" is a kick.  Looking at difficult circumstances with a sense of humor is my preferred response. It is better than being alarmed or disgusted.  Seeing the lighter side to  challenging moments helps me  detach from my foibles.

         Today, Bar-bara was charming, ingratiating. She praised me in front of mutual friends.  

"Faithful are the wounds [or loving correc-tions] of a friend; but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful."    Prov. 27:6

       Her charm was off-putting.  Authenticity is better.  Her smooth words were an attempt to distract me from something I recently discovered.  She betrayed a confidence I had shared with her, to a friend of mine.  He told me. 

       I am wary of honeyed speech.  Barbara spoke this way at a gathering we both at-tended.  The way she spoke extended my antennae of caution.  My skin crawled.   Ex-pressing herself this way was  like fingernails screeching on a chalkboard. Yeech. 

       

    Yet, I was happy hear-ing the screech.  It revealed I was matur-ing.  I was present, not misled.  Discernment helped me focus on her character, not seduced by her wiles. 

       It's terrific saying how I want to be treated.  It means I know my worth as a person.

        It is empowering, taking responsibili-ty for my thoughts,  words, emotions and actions.  Former but-tons no longer trigger me.  I now stay in my power.  I maintain in-tegrity with my values.

       Sometimes I feel I'm critical.  That I am being too cautious when keeping distance with Barbara-like people.  In reality, I'm getting characterologically strong-er. 

      No longer accepting narcissists or unac-ceptable behavior provides the serenity I need to thrive.  My emotional safety is more secure.  I need mutuality and reciprocity when con-necting with others.  My needs and feelings need to be  considered, too.  

      This is what it is to live with recovery.  We become internally referented. 

     I have much to be grateful for.  It is the re-sult of working on my personal growth.  Long standing unhealthy family and generational legacies are being replaced. 

      I now enjoy healthier relationships, ones that don't exploit me.