This afternoon, at a park in Alameda, I met with someone I mentor. Our time was intensely good. The subject was "seeking the approval of others." Isn't it amazing, how easily we revert to our childish selves, if we aren't
careful? If we neglect to remove unhealthy patterns established while growing up, we can find ourselves easily falling into a "one-down" relationship with others.
Usually we do so with others we esteem, or think we should surrender to. We yield to boyfriends, girlfriends, bosses, parents, older siblings. (I know all about this, being the fifth of six kids.) Often this results from a lack respect, we have towards ourselves. As I am more comfortable with my own likes, dislikes, dreams, decisions and desires, I'm increasingly able to risk the disapproval of others.
This can be difficult, because we usually encounter resistance. You might want to check out another post I wrote about this subject: "Winning the Grand Prix of Life." I discuss exercising our personal power and maintaining our dignity. you can read this entry here.
We camped on today's topic for an hour and a half. It is such a central issue we revisited it today. Not an issue that can be overcome in a week. Nope, this is about transforming familial---generational---legacies. Something we will need to work on every day, for years, before we can move beyond errant ideals we've absorbed.
I strongly believe that if we deal with our need for approval, we'll lie less, reduce our depression, isolate less often, won't get angry as frequently nor surrender our values to others like we usually do.
I was happy helping someone applies---what she is learning. This person drove 100 miles, from Los Altos to Alameda and back, to work on issues that will enhance her life. She's enjoying fulfillment like never before.
We discussed the futility of pleasing unpleasant others. Most people, without recovery----without working on their issues----are narcissistic. We won't find much approval from those whose primary focus is themselves. They lack empathy.
Seeking God's will is a better approach. I'm not talking about a God with a long, flowing, white beard, who has a clipboard and keeps track of our wrongdoings. That isn't the God I know.
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This evening I met with friends. It was terrific, too. Some of us continued our time by hanging out at Juanita's, a Mexican restaurant, until 11:30 p.m.
My Gratitudes for Wednesday:
1. It's fulfilling, having a phenomenal day. Such was the case today.
2. My two younger sons will be working for me as of next week. I look forward to the time we'll share.
3. I visited with my oldest son today. He's moving forward regarding job opportunities---he just graduated from college. I value working with him--we've been doing a project together. I enjoy supporting him, any way I can.
We also discussed the possibility of him taking a trip to Hawaii with a friend. I want to recognize his academic success and provide him with a change of pace.
4. I love my job and the direction it is going.
5. I love autonomy. Having my own business is challenging, fun and satisfying.
6. I arranged a date with someone--we'll get together next Friday.
7. I'm working with my oldest son tomorrow.
8. I look forward to riding my bike soon, maybe even tomorrow. I'll put it in my car and ride in-between appointments.
9. It was refreshing to laugh and smile, while with friends tonight.
10. I had a terrific conversation with two attractive, intelligent women today. One resulting in # 6 above.
11. I happy hearing from Kelly, who left three gratitudes, too. She posted a comment today, in the inn.
12. I'm grateful that Syd was introduced to this inn via a comment I posted elsewhere. Welcome, Syd. Please feel free to share your experience, strength and hope at this place. I value your insights and wisdom.
13. Someone who screamed at me in December showed up at the event I went to this evening. (Did you notice I listed this under gratitude number 13?) Her demeanor was different. She left early. Progress not perfection, at least she controlled her emotions.
A Special Occasion:
14. This is my 300th post in less than one year. I like milestones. I'm thankful for each of you who drop by this inn. Thanks for improving it with your visits.
I appreciate getting to know many of you and look forward to meeting new guests. I'm glad you find this place helpful and encouraging.
Let me know if you'd like us to cover a particular topic. I aim to please.
How About You?
1. What helps you keep balance in your relationships?
2.What do you think motivates to seek approval from others? How do you combat it?
I'd love hearing your responses.
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