A Tremendous Antidote for Despair.................. 1/30/21

 

Two are better than one, for they have a rich reward
for their labor.  If one falls, he has another to lift him
up.  But woe to him that is alone when he falls, for
he has not another to lift him up.  

       Receiving ama-zing---beyond belief---support from others infuses us with dynamic energy.  Oxytocin created by the strong bonds shared with others feels fab-ulous, a naturally produced tonic.  It provides a sense of peace, balance, and well-being. 

       Connecting with emotionally healthy others undergirds us when we are rattled.  Bonding authentically with others helps us overcome the weariness encountered as we cope with the insatiable demands of urban living. 

        Exercising discipline---placing principles above our personality---cages the fox of our negative, passive default modes.  This vermin, if unchecked, disturbs the vineyard and serenity of our emotional well-being.  Using recovery, these pests are released to their natural habi-tat---preying upon codependent people. 

        While we live with recovery---speaking our truth calmly, without fear--- we enjoy sanity, serenity, and emotional safety.  We also bask in the fulfillment of enjoying authentic relationships. 

        No longer are we disturbed by the vulpine terror of insecurity.  This queasy state occurs when we base our self-worth on what we do or what others think of us. 

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and neces-sary for us to feel satisfied, we have given them power over us." 

                     Courage to Change, p. 9

The Antidote for Despair 

      What has been the antidote, you ask? It's loving let-ters from friends, receiving encoura-ging phone calls, getting empathy, not judgment, from our supportive net-work. We feel better, not worse, after spending time with dear ones.

 

       When needed, those in our suppor-tive network will drop everything to help us.  Those in the circle of our lives create a bridge of hope, allowing us to cross a chasm of des-pair we often face.

       Not operating alone reveals moving forward in our personal recovery.  Confronting the day's dra-ma, one day at a time (sometimes fifteen minutes at a time), can be our lot.  Our Balcony People are there for us. 

       Knowing community creates a profound source of gratitude.  This group lifts us up from the floor after we've been sucker-punched by the vicissitudes of life and untrustworthy people or those who want to con-trol us.  

       Community, not isolation, is the answer. "He who separates him-self seeks his own desire. He goes against all sound wisdom."  Proverbs 18:1
   

      Learning from the exper-ience, strength, and hope of our supportive community and prodded by their smiles, wisdom, and compassion pro-vides the support required for any semblance of serenity.  Our Balcony People, carrying us when we cannot take another step.  With the arms of their support holding us upright, we place one stumbling foot in front of the other. 

      Sharing their experience, strength, and hope is a dawn star, and it guides us through the dark night moments of our souls.  You can read here for more information about this source of support.

My Gratitudes: 
1. I am fortunate to have Balcony People.
2. I'm thankful for meeting with two men early this morning.  Laughter filled our time, along with tears of connection, where we bonded over the difficulties we faced. 
3. Connecting with others who love me is an ointment that heals the emotional bruises I've accumulated the past few weeks.
Baby Steps

4. This week, I faced an unpleasant task I've been avoiding.

      That is a baby step.  Who am I kidding?  That was a gigantic step. I've learned I need to give myself proper credit when tackling a difficult task.

       While addressing daunt-ing issues, I've taken care of one of the most influential persons in my life---me.  During this emotionally perilous time, I took the necessary steps to treat myself with compassion.

        This meant having my Quiet Time, eating healthy meals, exerci-sing, and sleeping well.  Listening to my favorite music, being with friends, and making time for fun (even if I don't feel like it) were the order of the day.  

        Such action is vital when facing unpleasant circumstances.
5.  I visited with a friend. 

Preventing Disappointment: 
Using Character Discernment
   

     I recently got clarity regard-ing someone I thought was a friend.  I was wrong.   

    My character discern-ment remains healthy.  My Pablo piper people picker works.  Am I glad.

     I'm aware of defensive hope, and it wastes time, creates misery and frustration in re-lationships.  What I learned about this almost friend helps me make better use of time.  Reciprocity is one thing I look for in and count on in my relationships, and it wasn't there with him.

      I've stated this before, one sign of an abusive relationship is a lack of mutuality, equality, and reciprocity.  If a relationship does not have these qualities, we are being used, folks.

6.  I'm thankful for healthy relationships, the result of placing princi-ples before my attachment with anyone.

Making Amends

       Today, I acknowledged areas where I offended someone.  The harm I caused wasn't deliberate, and I was misunderstood.  Nonetheless, making amends is a prac-tical way to restore a damaged relation-ship.  I want to be sensitive to his percep-tion of reality, and empathy does not mean agreement.

       How the offended person responds to my amends is not the issue, and I make them not for his sake but for mine.  They prevent the relationship from being weighed down by tension and hurt feelings.

       I learned plenty about unpleasantness growing up, and I don't care to experience more of it in this relationship. I especially want to keep my life as emotionally clean as possible while going through stress.
How About You? 
1. How have you received support this week?
2. Has there been an area in your life where you are experiencing more clarity?
3. Are there any amends you need to make?