Expressing Our Voice, Part IV (Not Going Along WIth the Crowd) ..................6/3/12

Cowardice asks the question - is it safe?
Expediency asks the question - is it politic?
Vanity asks the question - is it popular?
But conscience asks the question - is it right?
And there comes a time when one must
take a position that is neither safe, nor
politic, nor popular; but one must take it
 BECAUSE it is right.
Image: "Countryside: Willow Sunset" by Tim Blessed. 
All rights reserved. used by permission

         Good evening,

How was your weekend?  I wrote someone else recently about the following episode. I decide to share my experience with you, too.

         I'm enjoying life.  Sometimes, I surprise people. Saturday morning was a recent occasion.  I met with a bunch of friends. All of us are involved with the same non-profit organization.
Being Externally Referented
         It's easy, going along with the crowd. I don't, if I disagree, regardless of
peer pressure.  I'm not externally referented. I don't rely upon others to determine my values.  I trust my own feelings, instincts, decisions, boundaries and choices.  I'm not good at complying, if I don't agree.  Saturday was such a time.

         We gathered in the late morning for a business meeting. We needed to make decisions involving the finances of this group. The timidity of those attending struck me.  I voiced an independent opinion, it was voted down. That's okay.  I did my part. Participation is the key to harmony, I've learned, while doing service for this non-profit. 
The Problem With Being Compliant
Our Discernment Suffers Atrophy
         To give in to others, to not exercise our boundaries, is to not exercise discernment.  It suffers atrophy.  We handicap ourselves socially, if we make it a habit to please others, out of fear of hurting the other person's feelings, their anger, or we fear abandonment or separateness, or being shamed.  Such thinking prompts us to say yes to the bad.  Not a good idea.  In fact, it's a bad habit.

"Compliants take on too many responsibilities and set too few boundaries, not by choice, but because they are afraid."

Boundaries. When To Say YES, When to Say NO, To take Control of  Your Life, by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, p. 51. 

         In high school and college I studied the Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen. I like the guy.  In the business meeting, I was prompted by what Ibsen wrote in his preface to "Enemy of the People," a great play.  In it, he wrote about the power of the minority, the vanguard that is ahead of  the majority. 

"Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim."    --Elie Wiesel

         The dynamics in the business meeting was a fascinating.   Many feared to disagree with the few who ruled, although theoretically, we all were equals.  Afterwards, several informed me they felt intense pressure and were uncomfortable. But, they didn't say a word during the meeting. (More about the need to express what bothers us, here. If we don't, we usually become resentful, angry or depressed.)

          I was not intimidated. Gently and  politely, I differed with three individuals who tried making decisions without consulting the rest of the group. I prefer expressing my own opinion, not having others make choices for me, without my say.  I mentioned I was uncomfortable with the few making decisions for the many, without consulting them.  A vote was taken, so that consensus will the basis for decisions. That made me feel better.

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."           Mark Twain

         Anyway, it was a dramatic moment, attending that business meeting.  I expressed my voice. I stood in my power and integrity. I also learned a lot about each person who was there.
How About You?
How do you react to peer pressure, that of your co-workers, family or friends, especially if you disagree with them?

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