Our Ideal Self Isn't, Revisited. No More Painful, Self-Imposed Dimples On My Soul ................................6/21/12

Our past, released by forgiveness and gratitude, frees our present to be all it could be.
Image: "Field and Country: Spring Shine by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. Used by
 permission. The caption is his and fits this post well. 

      I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this a year ago, last June.  Let me know your response.  I've re-worked it.  It's an example of second-day lasagna.  One year's perspective makes a difference.

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My Gratitudes for 6/21/12:
1.  I'm working out, making exercise a priority.  I feel good when I take care of
me.
2.  I love myself when I stay in the moment, learn from mistakes and delight in the wonders of the day. 

3. I'm thankful for the recovery I've known the past 8 years.  It has largely eliminated perseverating: obsessive and compulsive thinking of the negative kind.
4.  I'm appreciate that I allow others to have their space.  I focus on my options and what I can do to make my life more manageable.
5.  I enjoy serenity.  It's the result of letting others be who they are, even if I disagree.
6.  I celebrate that we care for ourselves when we don't base our worth on what we do or what other people think of us.

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Our Ideal Self Isn’t: 

        I'm thankful self-compassion is possible.  I've grown, as I've worked on my vulnerabilities.  I'm thankful for an insightful, patient, gracious mentor and healthy loving principles.  They help me see that much of what I held as ideal is errant, less than perfect.

         As a result, this once demanding part of me, my ideal self, has transformed.  It is no longer the terrifying specter that once haunted me, when younger.  It no longer condemns or beat me up.  Imagine that.  Instead, it now loves me. Amazing. Gosh, even.

         I'm grateful for the maturing and healing my soul knows.

         My ideal self once judged the vulnerable parts of me---those areas needing growth.  Because of caring, supportive mentors, friends and family members---my Balcony People (especially the last half of that article)----the image of my ideal self changed.  From their example, I've learned to apply compassion, gentleness and grace, towards me, particularly towards the less than best parts of me.

        The love I receive from others enables me to tell myself, "that's okay sweetie," as I haltingly take steps that help me to get characterologically stronger.  I no longer kick myself with the pointed boots of self-judgement, because of our past mistakes.  I no longer wound myself with self-imposed, painful dimples on my soul.

         My ideal self, now transformed, supports the weaker portions of me.  When the real, vulnerable parts of myself are loved, they emerge from hiding----they experience healing and transformation.

        If my "real self" feels condemned, this roguish part of me runs away, donning a psychological fig-leaf, attempting to avoid shame. There's no good outcome, when I find myself there. The following helps me:

"I cannot be perfect.  I cannot make others perfect. Yet I am worthy of love, respect, and joy.  Let me remind myself each day that I am the child of God.  That, in itself, commands respect---my respect--- for the miraculous "self" I have been given.  When I hold this at the forefront of my mind, I will not give up my 'self' in the course of any endeavor.  

"Today, when faced with choices, I will opt for the path that enhances my self-esteem. I am learning to live a full life, on in which I like and care for the person I am."

       As we focus on improving areas our character, I'm struck that doing so allows us to start life over again.  We experience growth.  That's a pretty good deal.
How About You?
1. How are you taking care of yourself?
2. What helps you to enjoy serenity?
3. What inaccurate image of your "ideal self' have you removed? I.e., being personally perfect, needing success in order to be valued, a certain body image, having perfect children or having a perfect relationship, etc.
4. In what way are you loving yourself more and being less harsh towards yourself?