Boundaries, Expressing Our Voice and Dealing With Disappointment

Proverbs 25:12. See the first quote below, in purple.

       I love the commentary I'm reading from you, the guests to this inn. I delight in your honest answers.  I'm also enjoying is the theme of personal growth and awareness that I'm picking up from your comments. On top of that, all of you have been so

positive.  I think this "gratitude" focus is working.

        In the over 800 comments posted, only one was negative----a woman expected more information from something I wrote. One post cannot cover everything.  As you can see, in the inndexes, topic library and the sidebar, there are many topics covered. There are series of posts that, when read together, give us a more comprehensive view.

        By the way, at the bottom of this inn there's an additional topic library. You might want to take a look. It coalesces the posts by the tags I applied to them.  This is a hidden library within this inn.

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        I spoke up today, when with friends this evening.  I expressed joy in finding my voice and in not accepting unacceptable behavior. With several friends and loved ones,  I had a troubling time a month ago.  One individual made a special day fraught with conflict.

        I believe courtesy is essential in our interactions with others. "The highest form of wisdom is kindness," the Talmud declares.  I agree.  It is usually best expressing our views in a way that motivates others to want to  hear us.

"As an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's reproof to a listening ear."    Proverbs 25:12

       We are more likely to draw others to consider our point of view by how we live our lives, than by emotional or verbal coercion, or wit.

"One life showing the way is better than ten tongues trying to explain it." 

        I grow weary when others demand their rights, at the expense of the feelings of others.  I'm for a person's need for self-expression. However, when we communicate, it's best relating with kindness.  It's also important selecting the right moment, using sensitivity.

        That did not happen last month.  A special day was ruined. I was simultaneously sad and angry when the tragic moment occurred. You see, it happened at my birthday party.  Yep, that was a bummer.

        It took three weeks to process what transpired.  This is when I wrote the four page, single-spaced outline. For more about my response to what happened on that day, click here.  When I finally shared what disturbed me, with the person who spoiled my special day, his response was to attack and ridicule. (For more about my response to his, click here.)

        This was an opportunity for spiritual weightlifting. I practiced patience, grace and discernment while with this person. Last night he did not understand why I'm reluctant to relate with him. He sent me a text that woke me, late at night.  Darn, I forgot to turn off my phone. I usually do.

        I wrote him an e-mail letter last night, requesting no more texts.  I don't believe issues are resolved in 140 character snippets.  I also find texts can often be invasive and intrusive. If he wants to communicate, I asked for an e-mail or mail the old-fashioned way, with stamp, envelope and mailman. (See footnote.)  

       Certain action, I requested he take. He doesn't have to, I told him. But, I informed him that if he doesn't, I will not be able to relate with him; I expressed my boundaries. 

       We have choices, options.  We do not express our boundaries for others to abide by them. We express them so that we adhere to them.  Boundaries allow us to hold in the good and keep out the bad, just like the door to our home.

This is me, reading the newspaper, while being
codependent. What's missing is my cup of coffee. 

"If we feel like a doormat we need to get up off the floor." Courage to Change, 361. 
      This is where boundaries help. As you've heard me say many times:
"We get what we tolerate."
"We train people how to treat us."

       I look forward to his response to the letter. Either way, the results will be good.  I prefer seeing circumstances for what they really are.

        In last night's letter, I expressed what troubled me. I'm happy I got it out, I lanced the boil of this unpleasant mishap.  This person left a voice mail Sunday, telling me that I should not to let "arrogance or pride get in the way," that we should resume our relationship. Wow.
My Gratitudes for Wednesday:
1.  I had a delightful time with friends this evening.
2.  I'm thankful for expressing my voice:  I say what concerns me.  I do so with courtesy and kindness while adhering to my values (boundaries).
3.  I've learned it's my job to deal with disappointment, not the person who caused it. I don't surrender my happiness to someone who may not have the consciousness or ability to resolve what disturbs me.
4.  I'm deeply grateful for all the kind people who show up to keep the innkeeper company.  I love hearing from you. You are amazingly kind and supportive. I enjoy hearing your victories and your positive perspective.
5. I appreciate the joy that fills my soul. "The world did not give it to me and the world cannot take it away."
6. I'm thrilled for growing discernment. It's the result of working on my own personal growth, my own recovery from codependency.
7.  I love the braided relationships I have with several wonderful friends. We talk openly, lovingly---even when we are honest with each other.
8. A dear friend I've known since I was knee high to a grasshopper (since I was 12)---Alan Ichikawa----is dropping by my place Sunday.  We are going to a Giants baseball game on Sunday!!! Ya ay!  And, Double ya ay!

     Thanks for dropping by. You don't know how much I appreciate your visits.
How About You? 
How do you handle disappointment? What do you do, to overcome it?

Footnote: 

       I am not available---on call---for phone calls or texts at all hours, every day. E-mails are inobtrusive---I get to them when it works with my schedule. I value my tranquility too much to allow  the urgent to dominate my life.

       My phone is off when I work, write, research, I am with a friend or read.  Serenity in the midst of what could be frenetic urban living is more important.  The person I'm with is more important than taking a call. Besides, I can always get back to the caller, the one who sends a text message.

       I do not allow the urgent, but unimportant---chatting, texting---to interfere with the important.  I have learned to respect the not urgent, quieter, priorities of life. I'm thankful for freedom from the tyranny of the urgent.