Speaking Truth, Using Gentleness. Also, Please Check In With Your Highs and Lows .............................1/19/13

When the last drop of rain has fallen, and the final note has drifted away,
When the Earth ceases to turn and the last fire is burned,
When the wind stops its ceaseless blowing and the last wave has come into shore,
When the sun’s called it a day and the stars have all floated away,
When time is no longer ticking and the hour glass runs out of sand;
His love remains, like an endless flame burning, God's love remains!
(Avalon song ‘Love Remains’)

   How are you?

I'm ill again.  Oh darn.  Thanks for taking a break this weekend and trekking over to the inn.  I'm beat.  Along with a headache, I'm physically challenged.

    It's terrific connecting with
you.  Please remember to share your high and low points for the past week.  In the previous post I shared mine.

    I had the pleasure of having a young assistant innkeeper help me yesterday.  She helped me arrange the right sidebar.  She thought I was silly.

    I told her that is what happens when you have grey hair.  She gave me a playful smirk. That's fine with me: I enjoy being carefree.  Joy does that to me.  When I'm not busy serving others through the work I do, I enjoy being playful.

    I'm letting my dear guests know that yesterday may be a red letter day. Time will tell. After this post I'll hit the sack. I'm worn out. The nature of my work takes a lot out of me.  I'm invest in my welfare when I slow down.  For more about that read here.

    The following post is being bumped up.  Don't let the context fool you. It's about having our voice, but exercising it with dignity.  I wrote this last year, during the football season.  May it encourage and inspire us to express our truth with gentleness----that we can say our no to unfairness as gently as our yes.  
                          A weakened but happy Innkeeper.
...........

Here's the post:

           A few weeks ago, I went to an indoor sports arena that has a sports bar and restaurant, it's the Bladium, in the city of Alameda.  It has rinks for hockey and lacrosse, basketball and volleyball courts and provides indoor rock climbing.  I went there because I don't own a TV.

          I don't miss the contraption, usually.  But, seeing my team play football is a sacred event. You know where I live.  

          Your guess correctly if you think I root for the team that represents the City by the Bay, that has cable cars running halfway to the stars.  You can probably hear Tony Bennett singing in the background.

             I settled down, watching the game at the closest table facing the huge screen TV.  Others were there, taking in the contest.  My team competed against an other that was undefeated, Detroit Lions.

          A thrilling game it was, not decided until the last seven minutes.  In the last quarter, our quarterback threw a clutch touchdown pass.  The receiver barely flopped across goal line, adding to their lead.  The score was challenged by the opposing team. The instant replay revealed the call was accurate.  With minutes remaining in the game, the restaurant owner changed the channel!  He put on the Oakland Raiders game.  This is his team.

                 Here's where it got interesting.  Not long ago, say, seven years ago,  I would have accepted his action. I would have given a half-hearted, feeble protest.  I would reason it was his business, he could do whatever he wanted.

         Keep in mind, I had been watching the game for two and a half hours, actively involved.  None in the room watching the game were asked, when the owner changed channels.  I went to his wife who worked behind the bar.  I inquired about the change of games.

         She didn't know anything about it. "My husband is in the back, cooking," she said.  To be honest, I was a little hot, indignant.  However, I made sure to take slow, deep breaths and talk in a measured voice when I spoke with Mrs. Restaurant Owner. 

         I placed my palms down, releasing my anger (see this to better understand) and frustration as I spoke.  I waited for the proprietor to appear.

                Mr. Restaurant Owner emerged. The missus spoke to him in Spanish.  They didn't know I understand that language, among others.  I looked around as they communicated, not indicating I understood.  She spoke as my advocate.  Finally he said to me, "The TV is for customers."

                  Only a soda had I bought. He knew that. The cook-owner added, "I don't like the Niners."

            I pointed over to the tabled area, where the TV sat. "Nobody is watching the Oakland game. There were other people there, before," I said.  Calmly, I looked into his eyes.  Clint Eastwood would have been proud.  I spoke in the most even voice I could muster, without a .44 Magnum.  I also did not ask him, "do you feel lucky, punk?" even though I felt like it.

         Abruptly, he jerkily strode across the room, towards the TV. He changed the channel to the Niners game.  I sat down, thankful that I've learned to say what I mean, mean what I say but not to say it meanly.

                 Within minutes, there was a crowd where I was, intently watching the game, boisterously yelling as the San Francisco team earned their win.  When the channel was switched, they left. Included in the returning group of men were young uniformed soldiers, rooting for our team.  They knew the rigors of combat but did not confront the owner.

                  A guy at the table behind me, witnessed my conversation with the Mr. Proprietor.  He had returned to see the final  minutes played out. He called out, "See what you did?  You made a lot of people happy by talking with that guy." 

Reflections Continued in Today's Gratitudes:
1.   I'm thankful that as a grown man, I'm still developing, characterologically.  Petulance is not necessary when circumstances aren't as I'd like.  As adults, we can disagree with others, agreeably.
2.  I'm thankful for staying present when the TV station was changed.  I took deep breaths.  I released my anger to God.  He can handle it.  No, I didn't get mad at God.  I turned over my feelings to Him, into his loving care.
3.  I'm grateful I was considerate towards Mrs. Business Owner. She influenced her hubby.
4.  I celebrate that when I made my request to the restaurant owner, I was careful to not offend his pride.

        Gently, I approached him, while still holding firmly to my values. There's no need for harshness, when we differ with others. When correcting someone, the truth in itself is hard enough to take.

        Adding discomfort, emphatically twisting the knife of my perception----that I am right----within the person I'm disagree with, is neither necessary nor effective.  It does not meet the emotional safety, courtesy and harmony I enjoy having, when relating with others. 

        I appreciate St. Augustine's perspective:

"The truth is like a lion. You do not have to defend it. Let it lose. it will defend itself."

      The truth has teeth and is often uncomfortable, as it is. I honor another person's dignity when I'm courteous and kind while still keeping to what I hold dear. 

5. I'm thankful that when I watched my team play a week later, at the Bladium, I bought a complete meal. I gave a 25% tip and got along superbly with Mr.and Mrs. Business Owner. 
            And my team won its sixth game in a row.
            Oh yeah---the TV was turned on to the San Francisco Forty Niner  football game, when I walked in.

How About You?
Is it easy for you to express what troubles you?  If not, why?   What is an area where you need to speak up?

    I know many drop by and visit this inn without commenting.  Could you make an exception and share your thoughts today?  It's just a request.  

    Just as I've shared with you, it would meet my need for reciprocity hearing your thoughts about today's subject.  It would also contribute to the fellowship we enjoy here.    

Image: "Cumbria: Across Windmere" by Tim Blessed. all rights reserved, used by permission.

Related Post:

Saying No Gently Without Fear