How did your day go? I'm tired. I'm bumping up the following post. It's easy to lose track of our own lives.
I know. I counsel many who live on the ragged edge of life. Their days are chaotic----swinging from one activity to another, with no clear sense of priorities.
Such is the case, when living without
boundaries. May the following post help you live with more serenity, joy and abundance.
Originally written 9/4/11
Being BusyI'm busy with work, I'm changing the nature of the relationships I've had with several friends. I mentor several people.
Do you know what it means when we are too busy? It means we are too busy.
I've been too busy. Today, I took time investing in my sanity and serenity. I luxuriated in Sabbath rest, normally I don't on Saturday.
I let my body, and more importantly, my mind and soul catch up with the activity I've been immersed in. It isn't exciting being involved in a swirl of activity. I've learned that being involved with too many projects is a form of self-abuse. Society and my family encouraged me to live this way, when I was growing up.
It is no longer acceptable.
Busyness as a child and young adult was my way of not coming to terms with my feelings. Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good.
Boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity
Today, I took time, investing in me. I cooked nutritious meals, the result of slowing down. I read at length, books that inspire and nurture me.
Deep breaths, I took. The crisp air of this time of year was inhaled; I delighted in the skyscape of clouds and chirping of birds. All day, I did not speak, either by phone or in person.
I made time for me. You might want to check out this post, it's a good one about this subject.
My focus as the innkeeper of this inn is adding positive contributions to this lovely world by sharing my experience, strength and hope. There's no growth when we complain, continually revisiting our miseries.
Healthy principles are the slate stones that allow us to cross the boggy areas of life. (For more about these slate stones, that help us get through the morass of life, read here.)
Critical is our attitude; optimism and a heart of thanks goes a long way towards reaching goals and enjoying life fully. You might want to visit this post about this inn's vision. One quote from this link:
This passage warn us of the negative power contained within complaining. There's a healthier alternative; giving thanks---sharing our gratitudes.All happy people are grateful. Ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that being unhappy leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that complaining leads people to becoming unhappy.
Regarding the following, what I write about boundaries, please take what you like and leave the rest. I don't ask you to agree. Ultimately, we draw our own conclusions.
BoundariesI'm grateful for boundaries. Without them we'd live chaotic lives, susceptible to the whims of others. And we usually don't think about ourselves.
Boundaries define who we are and our values. They contribute to our serenity; boundaries are neutral; just as a wall is neutral, or the border to a country.
They allow the good in and keep out the bad. They also were crushed and trampled upon if we grew up in an emotional (including lots of drama), verbal or physically abusive home or we live or lived with someone addicted to control, perfectionism, alcohol, drugs or sex.
Boundaries are essential when relating with narcissistic people. Narcissistic people hate boundaries---they want you to do what they want, when they want you to do it. Your hopes and dreams be damned, according to them. Do you know what makes a relationship abusive? A lack of reciprocity. If we remember that, it will spare us many a grief in our relationships.
Some of My Boundaries:
1. I have friendships with those who actively work towards improving their lives---they seek growth, they pursue it.
2. I'm not interested in relationships where they expect others to help them out without themselves making an effort.
With those I mentor, I let them know that their desire to get healthier has to be stronger than my desire to help them. If not, I'd be a codependent.
I have no driving need to push them along in their progress, without them making equal or greater efforts regarding their own development. That's a distasteful thought. There is only one God and I'm not Him; it's such a relief knowing this fact.
It allows me to put down my cape. I've stopped rescuing others. It allows me to breathe. I now enjoy my life.
3. We are responsible for our own lives. We are the average of the five people we hang around with. I choose to be with dynamic, positive people.
4. I relate with dynamic people who want to thrive; who pursue growth. They see change as a vital part of life and do not fight those issues needing improvement. Doing so is called denial, which is very different from being unaware. For more on this critical subject, please read here.
5. Everyone is to be treated with dignity and respect. If I'm in a conversation with someone and they use ridicule, judgment, shame, blame or guilt, I ask them to restate their comments, expressing their needs instead. If they are unable to that, we won't have a conversation.
6. I finish my own sentences. I don't want others telling me what I think or rushing what I say by completing my sentences. I prefer speaking for myself. I enjoy relaxed, not pressured, conversations. I reflect when I speak. I comfortable pausing. If someone is impatient when I talk, I suggest we meet another time, when they aren't.
We can be thankful for clarity in our relationships with others. Stating our boundaries helps. People can't intuit our needs. It's our job expressing them.
How About You?
What are important boundaries for you?
Image: "Switzerland: Mountains Beyond" by Tim Blessed © all rights reserved, used by permission