Owning Our Feelings

        Hello Everyone!

Tonight your assistant innkeeper Carl, welcomes you to our warm hearth and hospitality. Pablo has the night off to engage his independent-minded, vintage
laptop in a "come to Jesus" conversation. You see, his electronic quill pen unexpectedly  decided to go on strike, and is in need of an "attitude" adjustment!  Hopefully, Pablo and his chastened pen will return in a day or two...

       I'll share some short and sweet principles that may be of help. As always, here at this Inn, "please take what you need, and leave the rest."

      Our upset adult son was at the dining room table tonight having dinner, when a perky musician lady friend of his younger brother, hopped in to grab an extra guitar for the "songfest in the backyard BBQ pit.  She cheerily invited him to join them outside, saying "you're a great singer," and "you'd add to the spirit..." something like that.

      His well-meaning Mom, puttering around the kitchen, heard her and echoed the sentiment, saying, "You are a good singer/musician, used to do this all the time, enjoyed it and should join in the fun!"  Historically, these two easily trigger each other's emotions, without either intending to do so.

       He told her, "Mom, when you say things like that to me you make me feel like poop!" She was surprised and disappointed, not knowing where that came from, As such, she, (and we all) can tend to personalize these moments via codependency and external referenting, thinking, "what did I do wrong?...why is he mad at me?...I did not deserve that, etc." More on that topic can be found at other past posts, and going forward.

       Here is my message to him...

       When your brother's friend invited you to join in, your Mother agreed.  If her encouragement made you “feel like poop,” that is your issue, not hers. This was not her intention and the fact it hit you that way, should be a red flag, giving you pause to reflect on why you are blaming someone else for the way you fell about yourself!

       You feel like poop.  Could the real reason be that you cut yourself off from your brother's friends, a healthy, positive lifestyle and have chosen a different path?  Well, my son, that was your choice. If the consequence is that "it makes you feel like poop, maybe its time to get off the pity pot!"

       You have to first give someone else "permission" to make you feel badly, even though that wasn't even the case here.

The following relevant pearls of wisdom are drawn from Courage to Change;

“When the applause of others becomes the reason for my behavior and necessary to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me.”

“I block my own well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do, or what others think of me.”

“… part of my self-worth can be based on my ability to love other people. Saying a kind word, writing a considerate note, or just taking time out from my other thoughts to appreciate another human being, enriches my entire day. I have the power to feel good about myself, regardless of my achievements, whether or not other people validate my worthiness.”

And, finally...

“Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life, or helped me to love myself more.”

      There are many more our good thoughts our Innkeeper Pablo may weave in upon his return, but this is what I can share for now.

       Let's go forth into tomorrow's dawn deciding we will stop letting others define who and what we are.  Let's "Own and Celebrate How I Feel About Me."  What others think of me in absolutely none of my business!!!

Until we meet again, may you remain wrapped in the warm embrace of God's Grace and enjoy a healthy, happy, and prosperous New Year!

       Blessings,

          Carl

     Assistant Innkeeper