It was interesting being with a violently hostile person. He used several approaches, justifying behavior that is not in his or his family's
best interests. This individual's life is filled with ongoing drama and heartache. He looks fifteen years older than he is, being worn out by the tension, unhappiness and violence that is a weekly feature of his family. He's miserable, so are his wife and adult children, for that matter.
People usually don't see me because they are healthy. Such is the case with Bob and his wife, who also joined us.
I usually don't work with individuals who are aggressively defensive, when we meet. A common mantra of mine is that a client's desire to get better has to be stronger than my desire to help them. Our tumultuous session required discipline, applying principles to maintain my sanity, and tranquility while assaulted by his anger.
Was it fun. Really.
On the other hand, I'm not interested in working with someone who is strongly oppositional. I have no desire assisting someone against their will. My joy and the thriving I know is not worth losing, because of one session I have weekly.
When a person lives disastrously, it's sad seeing them justify their actions. When confronted, he used extreme and exaggerated arguments to deflect my observations. Big mistake. I don't get intimidated. Ever. By anyone. Nope, never. Lucky me.
He's infantilizes those dear to him. Too bad. His wife and children are seriously harmed, hampered by his controlling and demeaning nature. Wow. It's been a long time, probably five years since I've experienced rage directed at me, during a session. He also vented his frustration at his wife, too.
Instead of addressing the infantilization, Bob tried presenting himself as a victim, that he was being criticized. It's important to focus on the topic. I didn't budge. Bob was not happy. That's okay. He's not going to grow characterologically if he remains the way he is.
By the way, this client is not a Safe Person. Unsafe People do not grow. This person is stuck with rigid habits and has little desire to improve. It may be that I'll have to let Bob know that I can't help him. I don't need my work to be filled with unnecessary tension. I don't mind helping those who want to grow. I can't help those who rationalize behavior that does not serve them and are unwilling to listen.
How About You?
Are you relating with someone who avoids reality? I'd love hearing your time with such a person. Tomorrow, I'll write more about principles that were brought to the forefront while relating with Bob. Right now, I need to sleep and get ready for Christmas Day.
Wishing you the best and a Merry Christmas,
Pablo
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