Codependency 12/27/13

My Gratitudes for Friday: 

1.  I'm thankful for this year.  I've had many wonderful adventures and have met many kind and thoughtful people.  I love my life.   

2. I like having my mind challenged. No two days are the same.
3.  I appreciate that each day, each week, each month and each season, I grow. I am not the same person I was
yesterday.
4.  I enjoy the material I prepare for my times with clients and a book I'm writing.  Lately,  I've created material on having Safe People.  I share it with clients, they are using it to deepen their relationships with their closest friends.

A Sad Scene

       I am thankful for peace of mind, the result of relating with emotionally healthy people and avoiding those who are not.  Recently---at a restaurant---I witnessed a father's harshness towards his second daughter.  His verbal and physical cruelty was disturbing.  My heart went out to the three young daughters suffering from his loveless parenting.  The biting bitterness of his comments chewed into my serenity.  Nurturing, support and encouragement was totally absent, as he handled a strong-willed child.

       As I observed his behavior, I traveled through the time machine of painful youthful memories.  Shame was shoveled upon the middle daughter---who was around seven years old---simply because she had a mind of her own.  Sadness, fear and anxiety bubbled up to my consciousness as the scene unfolded.  The following quote raced within my mind:

“Furthermore, worrying about people and problems doesn't help. It doesn't solve problems, it doesn't help other people, and it doesn't help us.  It is wasted energy.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

and,

“Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others.  They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors.” ― Melody Beattie, Codependent No More

      The codependency of  the wife and three girls was apparent----they did everything to please this anger-filled, impatient father.  My body tensed as I overheard shaming comments uttered to the middle daughter.  If he continues treating this middle daughter, the way he did that night, depression will be her  constant companion.

      When we are freed from codependency:

“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.”    ― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go

       Observing this family----they were in the booth behind me----awakened unpleasant feelings from long ago.  I'm glad I no longer tolerate mistreatment, unacceptable behavior and am freed from codependency. 

       I am grateful for boundaries that let me know who is safe and who isn't.   Naivete has been replaced with common sense.  No longer are manipulators given free reign.  Now, I know I'm being nice when I let others know my boundaries, revealing who I  truly am.  When I'm authentic, expressing my voice and values, I'm happier.  Most of all, I have self-respect.  And when I have that, I also have an Attitude of Gratitude.

Related Post:
 A Detailed Overview of Codependency
Guarding Our Emotional Sobriety (Second half of this Link)