The Innkeeper Was Thrown for a Loop. Do You Have Any Suggestions?

      Good evening one and all,

I hope your day filled your heart with gratitudes. The weather was overcast, but that's nothing compared to what many on the East Coast are enduring. Those touched by Hurricane Sandy have my prayers and of many who visit this inn.

       It's great seeing many posting comments. Thank you!

       I will take chances with tomorrow's weather and head over to San Francisco.  I'll leave early.  My guess is that hundreds of thousands will join me in cheering the Giants baseball players as they enjoy a victory parade in the City by the Bay.
 
       I met with friends this evening and was thrown for a loop.  I'm still processing what happened. Someone made a request that blew my mind.

      She wasn't inappropriate, but her request was confusing and strange.  That's where my Balcony People come in. I'll check in with them and get their perspective.  I'm very glad that I have other who help me understand life.

      I had a busy day, seeing several clients. It's important I exercise: it helps me cope with the demands  my work places on me, emotionally. Today's sessions were positive and productive. But, my introspective nature needs recharging after I put out a lot of personal energy, actively listening and dialoging with those I see.

My Gratitudes for Today:
1.  I had an awkward conversation with the person who made a request.
       I stepped back and ended our talk when it became uncomfortable.  Part of my problem is that this person struggles with anger.  I find it best to stay away from others who are emotionally toxic.
       I'm thankful that I did what was necessary for me to have emotional safety.  I'm also grateful for character discernment.
2.  One of today's clients was new, her first session with me. Our time was rich, we worked through several significant issues in our limited time.  It's an honor seeing a person grow, right before my eyes.
3.  I had a good conversation with a friend. I was touched by her encouraging feedback.
     It's funny though, how the unpleasant conversation that I had with the angry person created an unpleasant space within me. That usually doesn't happen. I think I was more vulnerable because of the intense day at work and I'm exhausted.
     I'm glad I know about being in HALT.   You can read more about this subject here.
4. I rode my bike today. Putting in a lot of hours at work has reduced my chances at cycling. I'm glad I made time today.  It helps me discharge stress.
How About You? 
What do you do when you are in an unpleasant conversation? I have my ways of handling them, but I would appreciate any suggestions you have. I can always grow and approve. 

Re-Visioning

       Thank you for dropping by. How are you? I'm still decompressing from the Giants' victory yesterday. I even took a nap this evening.

       I'm about to ride my bicycle. Hearing the waves slapping the shores of the island town where I live, the roar of the wind in my ears and seeing the moon casting its beam upon the dancing bay waters as I cycle is a wonderful moment---I feel connected with the world around me. 

       Yes, I have a headlight and tail light for my bike. In this town, you get a ticket if you don't, and ride at night. That's a good thing.

My Gratitudes for Tonight: 
1. I am rested. I've been on the go, too much so. Having a tranquil home and resting this evening was a terrific way to invest in my welfare.
2. I look forward to a good night's sleep. It usually happens when I cycle.  I think more clearly, when my mind is rested.
3. I'm enlarging my vision.  "Without a vision the people perish."  I've been reviewing my professional, personal, relational, physical, spiritual and financial goals. As the ancient Greeks said:

   "If you aim at nothing, that's exactly what you get."

4. I appreciate the more than two hundred people who dropped by today. Thank you. This inn is here to encourage you and is a place for you to exercise your gratitude muscles.
5. I'm thankful for those of you who drop by and enhance the community we share here, with your comments. I like it when there's reciprocity and mutuality.
6. Tomorrow, I meet with a new client. That's always a good time. I love my vocation. It allows me to use many different parts of me. Best of all, I appreciate making life better for others.
7. I have a busy schedule Tuesday. Knowing my priorities keeps me focused and provides clarity for the day.
How About You? 
1. What are your three gratitudes for today?
2. What is your vision for your life? Where do you want to be in five years?
   
                                   I'd love hearing your answers.

Grateful for Victory, Celebrating Life 10/28/12

         For those of you who don't live in the United States, please bear with me.  I know my enthusiasm for baseball may not resonate with you.  However, if you look at the bigger picture, the lesson this team offers, perhaps you can relate with that. More about that in a second.

I Prefer Joy to Happiness ...............................10/28/12

“Without pain, how could we know joy?' This is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

We Are Responsible for Our Feelings
 Happiness is Oversold

       I'm thankful for God's provision and his deep, committed love for me. Apart from Him, I can do nothing.  Because of my relationship with Him I have confidence in tomorrow and joy for each day.  
       Joy is way different from happiness. Happiness, for many, is

Taking Care of Self, Having Fun

       Just a  moment ago, I wrote about communicating our needs, rather than being passive or indirect about them. Being friendly, if we want a friendship with another person, was also covered in the previous post.

My Gratitudes for Saturday

1. My baseball team has won the first three games of a best of seven contest, the World Series.  It's always fun

He Who Has Friends Must Show Himself Friendly 10/27/12

         How was your Saturday?  I rested, gearing up for gathering with friends and watching the evening game of the World Series. It  pitted the San Francisco Giants, my baseball team, against the Detroit Tigers.  I can't complain about the results---they won.  My team is awesome.

         I relate with someone who is emotionally scarred.  I'll call him Bob.  As a kid, his mother constantly created drama and topped that off by yelling at him, frequently.  Unfortunately, his hearing isn't the best, the result of

End of the Week Inventory: High and Low Points for This Week: Please Share Yours

Image: "Autumn Bouquet" by Tim Blessed.
Copyrighted photo, used by permission

       My leg is ready for Halloween. Now, if only the rest of me was.  It's been gruesome
looking---infected, with a long open wound from above my ankle to my knee.   I've taken steps to eliminate this

Doing What Needs To Be Done, Budgeting Time

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege
and our adventure to discover our own special light. ~Mary Dunbar

    Good evening everyone,

How was your day? One good result after another has been

Can't Beat Days Like Today ...... 10/24/12

       Good evening,

I just got in. Tuesday was good, ethnically different, challenging, challenging (deliberate repetition), irritating, encouraging, full of intimacy and wonderful. 

       Other than that, not too much to say about the day. :->

Kisses From God: Unexpected Pleasant Surprises 10/22/12

      I had a great second session with a new client.  It's heartening seeing her progress, in such a short time.  Accep-tance is the first step towards healing.

Futility: Worshipping the Mind, But a Great Day Was Had, Nonetheless ........................10/21/12

       Today, I rested, celebrated and had fun.

       Yesterday was something else. I went to bed at 2:00 a.m., Saturday morning, awoke at 5:30 a.m. and spoke

Making My Life Count While Standing On One Leg

     Good evening,

How did your day go?  I visited a doctor. It was an interesting experience. It's been years since I waited in a doctor's office, because I was ill.

       An infected leg, I have.  I'm getting

Parading the Elephant: Expressing What Troubles Us, Revisited.

      I'm bumping up this post. I found it one of the musty boxes left in the attic of this inn.  It was written last year in May.  I'd love hearing your response.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? (Answer below)

       It's been a tough week. I didn't think it would be, but

Making Time for Me 10/17/12

Where I stolled today, with a friend

       Good evening,

My Gratitudes for Tonight: 
1.  I rested today. It's good maintaining balance, I've been working pretty hard, seeing clients and preparing for a

The Value of Boundaries: I'm Less Frustrated, And, Priming the Pump

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last
of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any

A Source for Greater Gratitude: Enjoying the Little Things In Life

    Without knowing it, Carl almost is becoming an

Time With Two Dear Friends

 Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, 
sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate
those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly 
appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.   Ralph Marston

  How was your day?

I spent the evening here, in Alameda.  Usually, I attend a business-related meeting on Mondays. Tonight, I had proper priorities. I watched the

Overcoming the Tyranny of Needing Approval from Others

       How is everyone tonight?

I just got in.  I led a meeting this morning and had a chance to practice Spanish afterwards when visiting with a

Celebrating a Special Day

Now that it is raining, the hills nearby are beginning to look like this. 

        Good early morning,

Usually I sneak this in before midnight. Not so, today.  The day was full, joyful, filled with love and celebration.

     How was your Saturday? Mine just concluded. We

Simple Pleasures., Part II Also, Healing Requires Time ..............................10/12/12

The beginning of Pagan's catch

   Good morning,

Thursday night, I got home at 6:30 p.m. and conked out.  I was tired, but it was a good exhaustion.  How are you? Thanks for dropping by.

      It's been gratifying, reading comments from new

Calmness In the Eye of the Emotional Storm, Part VI ..10/10/12

      The past few months have been a inspiring time of personal growth and learning.  More importantly, its been a time where I've seen the value of

The Innkeeper Flew Again---The Landing Had Much to Be Desired .................10/9/12

 No, that's not me, but it captures what I

experienced. My hair is more trimmed than this guy's. 

    Good evening everyone,

Here I am again, just before this day changes its name.  To quote Brittany Spears, "oops, I did it again."  :->

      I have a big bandage from just above my right ankle up to my knee.  My leg is stinging with pain. The front wheel to my bike is bent, and I had another

God Doing for Me What I Could Not Do For Myself

"God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all
sufficiency in everything; you may have an abundance for every good deed"
Image: "Countryside: Sunlit Canal" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo, all rights reserved. 

     Good evening all,

I want to get back to what transpired last Friday. Man,
was that some day.  It was a series of many, mini gifts and an enormous one that

Connecting With Our Feelings---Not Our Head---Is Necessary, Before Seeing Progress With Life's Problems .................................10/7/12

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides.  I can only go with the flow. . . . When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications, I sink.  If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under.  But, if I let go and float, I am borne aloft.      Marie Stilkind

    I've reworked something I posted earlier this week. I love
it when I do. I like it when something I write takes on a life of its own, moving its way through my fingers, into the keyboard and into

Awareness and Studying Isn't Enough, If We Seek Healing, Sanity or Serenity ...................10/6/12

"Knowledge without action is insanity and
action without knowledge is vanity."

         Good morning

 I've been up since five a.m., this lovely morning. I've been writing, studying---two things I love doing.  And, how are you? Please check in.

        By now, you know that if you post, I reply.  I have answered every comment ever posted.   Let me know if I can improve your stay.

        I'm so grateful for recovery. Mine is from growing up in

Looking at Life Thoroughly, Using the Three A's: The Healing Power of Acceptance ...................10/5/12

You can't undo anything you have already done. But you
 can face up to it.   You can tell the truth.  You can seek for-
giveness.  And let God do the rest.         Unknown

      We celebrate the sanity enjoy-ed when we see life realistically.
      Awareness.  It's a good start, but in-complete.  It's eighty-eight percent of the answer when dealing with prob-lems. There's no remedy without first noticing the problem.

      The ancient Greeks said, "If we aim at nothing, that is ex-actly what we get."  Being intentional about the areas where we want to grow is essential, to get the life we deserve and want. 

       Awareness helps us overcome life's challenges and disappoint-ments.  With it, we enjoy progress.  Our learning curve spikes.

       And life improves.

       Negative circum-stances lingering, for months----perhaps years---are overcome quickly, when using awareness, when our problems have our full attention.

       Awareness is taking ownership of our feelings, attitudes, and behavior.   We take responsibility for our pain, life's difficulties or emotional disappointments.  With honesty towards ourselves, we see our part regarding our plight.

      Vigilance, or awareness about the areas where we want to grow is necessary for a productive, fulfilling life.
   

       Recovery teaches us that no one can make us happy, sad, angry or have any other feel-ing without us giving them permission to do so.  Our feelings are our property, we take ownership of them.  This truth is essential for personal growth.

      Ownership of our emotions is taking our life back.  We move beyond moping over our history.  We deal with the experience of our past.

       We consider what steps we can take to remedy our past pain.  Recov-ery allows us to be present.

     Those who negatively affect us may not be able to change.  They may lack the perspective to see their troubling values or behav
-ior----areas hindering our relationship with them.  Nor may they have the tools to improve their lives.

     That's okay.

     Dealing with the experience of our past pain moves us from relying on those who have hurt us. They no longer need to change or apologize for us to be happy.  Our happiness is no longer conditional, dependent upon a turn around in the victimizer's behavior.
 

      We find ways of moving on.  We are no longer anchored by bitterness harbor-ed towards those who have harmed us.  We show gentleness to-wards ourselves.

      Kindness towards our fears is applied.  We meet the needs beneath them.  We go for a walk, talk with a friend, or curl up with a book we love.

     We associate with emotionally healthy individuals, we apply bound-aries towards those who see us. We nurture ourselves with more rest, better meals, by studying material that empowers and imspires.

    This is staying in the solution. Instead of cursing the darkness, we light a candle.

    We move beyond grief, painful scars and anger.  We replace the inadequate response of bitterness with better behavior, thinking, and forgiveness.  We learn that "Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt." When we do, our lives move forward unencoumbered by the weight of ancient emotions.

  "Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."            Hope for Today, p. 189

"Freedom comes from taking responsibility; bondage comes from giving it away."                        Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal, p. 218

           Happiness and personal fulfillment is ours when we take own-ership for our feelings.  We become emotionally mature when we surrender playing the "Poor Me Victim" role.  Our life vastly improves as we replace inadequate behavior and dysfunctional thinking with new and better alternatives.  (One Day At A Time, p. 280)

Rooting Out the Problem
The Vital Need for Acceptance

      It's vital moving beyond awareness.  Awareness is inspecting our issues from a cognitive perspective.  Acceptance is next.  

       It is taking the perspective awareness provides and dealing with our issues from the emotional perspective, from the heart level.  This step is often overlooked.  We usually focus on solving the problem.  This is trimming the shrub of diffi-culties, not rooting them out.

       Using only our head, our challenges are guaranteed to return.

       Acceptance is being in touch with the issue at the visceral level.  It involves five steps.  It is:
1.  Seeing the vexing area.
2.  Feeling our re-sponse to it.
3.  Taking our feelings a step further. We grieve the loss involved.
4.  Letting the negative sentiments go---often through forgiveness.  Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt.
5.  Seeing what steps we need to take, looking at options that allow us to move beyond our pain.

       This involves connecting with others, getting their support.  It requires determining the fears beneath troubling issues.  Next, is seeing the needs beneath what agitates us and seeing how we can show kindness towards these needs.

       Acceptance is pausing while in the midst of a situational or emotional hurricane.

       Pausing gives us the space needed to choose better responses.  It calms our emotional self.  When we are aware of what is happening in the moment we have vertical integration, our mind comes into play.

      It comforts our agitated feelings.

      With vertical integration our mind goes online.  No longer frantic, we have greater emotional balance.  We also have a better sense of well-being, along with greater executive functioning.

      Acceptance helps remove ten percent of the problem.  Acceptance is not  resignation, "Oh, this is my lot in life.  I have to tolerate it."  It is taking action, not yielding to what's unacceptable.

      It is staying in the solution.

      Here's another critical point: many go straight from aware-ness to action. "I see the problem, and now, this is what I need to do....."  and we design an action plan.  Bad idea.

      When responding this way we are only involving our mind. The heart level plays a part, too.  Acceptance is rooting out the problem.

      When was the last time we made time, determining why we isolate, or inventoried a perturbing area?  Examining  the source for festering issues is critical for mental, emotional and physical health.

      Connecting at the gut level is crucial. If we want healing from pain.  Negative feelings are remedied when they are tended to, not ignored. 

      It is wise looking for the emotional payoff for our unhealthy behavior and limiting beliefs.

     When was the last time we did an inventory of our thinking, checking for false beliefs? When have we noted lingering childhood feelings that keep us caged with depression and powerlessness?  We want to challenge current behavior formed as a child, young adult.

     It's characterologically healing, to ask ourselves if our habitual feelings or thoughts are really true. It's important noting that as children, we may not have had the emotional and psychological wherewithal to process our pain.  As adults, it is more likely we do.

     For this to happen, we need psychological or emotional distance.  It helps us clearly see areas needing growth.  We get this from emotionally healthy friends who accept us.

    When we fail, they are compassionate.  They don't judge us our weaknesses. Instead, they help us discover behavior and thoughts that serve our need to thrive and celebrate life.

       We thrive when surrounded by friends who loves us. Yes, they challenge us, asking hard questions about our feelings, attitudes, and behavior. But they still love us. This is necessary to replace problemed areas in our lives with new and better behavior.

The Shoe Leather of Personal Growth

        Awareness of what triggers us is helpful.  Handling the emotions that surface---meeting the needs beneath them is even more critical.  Next, is applying the shoe leather of practical action.  An action plan is a bridge that takes us from our need to the steps necessary for us to have the life and peace of mind we want.

       Donning the shoes of practical principles and actions help us when we are out in the street of life. They assist us in handling life's demands.  We want to apply healthy alternatives.  We want to move away from unhelpful default modes.  We want to replace unsuccessful former ap-proaches with new and better behavior.

        Practical principles permit us to tread upon the gravelly aspects of life without being harmed.

       Action is the remaining two percent needed for handling painful areas. There you have it, the Three A's.  Awareness deals with the head, acceptance with the heart and action with the feet (what we do).  Applying healthier alternatives---staying in the solution---helps us move beyond what were once monuments of our past pain.

       We will enjoy better relationships, sanity, serenity, emotional health, and ease.

******  

     Recently, life offers more drama than I care for.

     I not sleeping much. No fun.  Am I complaining? I hope not. Inventorying the past few weeks, that's all. Awareness precedes improvements.

Being Kind Towards Myself

"We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves."                         - Joshua Loth Liebman

     I lost a notebook containing important records.  Telephone numbers listed within are not recorded on my phone.  It included a lot of my writings.  I'm frustrated and annoyed with myself.

     Occasions like these allow the practice of patience.  It reminds me to be gentle towards myself.  This means forgiving me.

     I'm human. My recent behavior is like many, when stressed in different areas.  Life has been unmanageable.

     I'm thankful for several supporting me today.  Their insight and wisdom provide clarity I don't have right now.  I feel scattered.  Their humor lifts my spirit when, without recovery, I would be in the dark tunnel of despair.

     I provide myself with greater clarity by spending time with friends today.

     I don't take life's gifts for granted. This includes friends.  Life is tense without them.  Some of you, guests to this inn, are included in this group.

      I value prayer. Without it, I'd be lost.  I've discovered over the years that I'm as strong spiritually as I am in my prayer.

How About You? 
Which of the three A's are you using to deal with a rocky area in your life?

Reducing Clutter

       Good evening,

It's still warm where I live.  How has the week been treating you?  I'm tired.  At 4:00 a.m., I've been rising each morning, this, after going to bed 1:00 a.m., or later. I agree, it's not the best arrangement.

My Gratitudes For Wednesday:

1. A terrific session with

Abundance: Thankful for Health: An Inside Story About The Innkeeper

 “Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise” 

                                     ~Benjamin Franklin 

The problem was, when I was ill,I laid in bed for more than two months. Did it restore my
 health, make me wealthy and smarter? Yes, on the first count,  but not in tangible 

                             ways, for the remaining two. 

My Gratitudes for Today
1. Life is good, the weather in the high nineties---that's unusual, with no humidity.
2. I'm happy, enjoying