He Who Has Friends Must Show Himself Friendly 10/27/12

         How was your Saturday?  I rested, gearing up for gathering with friends and watching the evening game of the World Series. It  pitted the San Francisco Giants, my baseball team, against the Detroit Tigers.  I can't complain about the results---they won.  My team is awesome.

         I relate with someone who is emotionally scarred.  I'll call him Bob.  As a kid, his mother constantly created drama and topped that off by yelling at him, frequently.  Unfortunately, his hearing isn't the best, the result of
his childhood home environment. Yes, that's sad and it is emotional and psychological abuse.

        What is also tragic is how Bob's childhood shaped him. :- |  My heart goes out to him. Yet, I've learned that I want to be responsive to, but not feel responsible for his feelings, reactions or past pain. To do otherwise is crossing boundaries, big time.

        If you didn't know it, my personality is an odd mix.  That's fine with me.  Although I love investing hours alone, studying, researching, it is easy for me to engage others, connecting, and having a really good time.  I figure you've gathered that about me.

        I'm able to do this with total strangers, like tonight. I met Gunter, from Germany. If I had an umlaut I'd use it over the u in his name.  But I don't.  Not long ago, he moved to the island town where I live, Alameda, after spending time, working in Switzerland.

       Our bikes introduced us to one another.  He was on his way into Juanita's, the Mexican Restaurant, and I was on my way home, leaving Bowzer's next door.  I saw the sizzling defense and pitching of the Giants deflate and defeat the downtrodden Detroit team.

       Gunter and I exchanged greetings at the mutual inverted "U" pole used for attaching locked bikes. It's in front of Bowzer's.  One thing led to another and we ended up talking for twenty minutes, before I said I had to go----I had to cycle home to take antibiotics, I'm on a regimen, needing to follow a schedule.  It's wonderful meeting others. I'm pretty happy with who I am.

       Why this story? Well, because of Bob.  He stays to himself; I understand that. I might respond that way if I hadn't the spiritual awakening I had as a youth or the growth I've experienced, as a result of inventorying and overcoming character defects in my life and having amazing mentors in my life.

       For the past two days, Bob and I have crossed paths.  Not one word has been spoken.  He's accustomed to me greeting him.  Well, I haven't.  I've learned that to have a friend I need to be one (Proverbs 18:24).  He hasn't been much of one.  For the past couple of days I've tended to business while near Bob, but haven't said much.

      Today, we addressed the silence.  I mentioned my need for reciprocity and the point about us needing to be friendly, if we we want a relationship with another.  He got my point.  As I've said many times, we get what we tolerate, we train people how to treat us.

      It's thrilling, being freed from the passive manipulations of others.  I enjoy speaking my truth calmly, not using judgment when expressing my needs.  To read more about this subject, click here.