Good evening one and all,
I hope your day filled your heart with gratitudes. The weather was overcast, but that's nothing compared to what many on the East Coast are enduring. Those touched by Hurricane Sandy have my prayers and of many who visit this inn.
It's great seeing many posting comments. Thank you!
I will take chances with tomorrow's weather and head over to San Francisco. I'll leave early. My guess is that hundreds of thousands will join me in cheering the Giants baseball players as they enjoy a victory parade in the City by the Bay.
I met with friends this evening and was thrown for a loop. I'm still processing what happened. Someone made a request that blew my mind.
She wasn't inappropriate, but her request was confusing and strange. That's where my Balcony People come in. I'll check in with them and get their perspective. I'm very glad that I have other who help me understand life.
I had a busy day, seeing several clients. It's important I exercise: it helps me cope with the demands my work places on me, emotionally. Today's sessions were positive and productive. But, my introspective nature needs recharging after I put out a lot of personal energy, actively listening and dialoging with those I see.
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. I had an awkward conversation with the person who made a request.
I stepped back and ended our talk when it became uncomfortable. Part of my problem is that this person struggles with anger. I find it best to stay away from others who are emotionally toxic.
I'm thankful that I did what was necessary for me to have emotional safety. I'm also grateful for character discernment.
2. One of today's clients was new, her first session with me. Our time was rich, we worked through several significant issues in our limited time. It's an honor seeing a person grow, right before my eyes.
3. I had a good conversation with a friend. I was touched by her encouraging feedback.
It's funny though, how the unpleasant conversation that I had with the angry person created an unpleasant space within me. That usually doesn't happen. I think I was more vulnerable because of the intense day at work and I'm exhausted.
I'm glad I know about being in HALT. You can read more about this subject here.
4. I rode my bike today. Putting in a lot of hours at work has reduced my chances at cycling. I'm glad I made time today. It helps me discharge stress.
How About You?
What do you do when you are in an unpleasant conversation? I have my ways of handling them, but I would appreciate any suggestions you have. I can always grow and approve.
I hope your day filled your heart with gratitudes. The weather was overcast, but that's nothing compared to what many on the East Coast are enduring. Those touched by Hurricane Sandy have my prayers and of many who visit this inn.
It's great seeing many posting comments. Thank you!
I will take chances with tomorrow's weather and head over to San Francisco. I'll leave early. My guess is that hundreds of thousands will join me in cheering the Giants baseball players as they enjoy a victory parade in the City by the Bay.
I met with friends this evening and was thrown for a loop. I'm still processing what happened. Someone made a request that blew my mind.
She wasn't inappropriate, but her request was confusing and strange. That's where my Balcony People come in. I'll check in with them and get their perspective. I'm very glad that I have other who help me understand life.
I had a busy day, seeing several clients. It's important I exercise: it helps me cope with the demands my work places on me, emotionally. Today's sessions were positive and productive. But, my introspective nature needs recharging after I put out a lot of personal energy, actively listening and dialoging with those I see.
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. I had an awkward conversation with the person who made a request.
I stepped back and ended our talk when it became uncomfortable. Part of my problem is that this person struggles with anger. I find it best to stay away from others who are emotionally toxic.
I'm thankful that I did what was necessary for me to have emotional safety. I'm also grateful for character discernment.
2. One of today's clients was new, her first session with me. Our time was rich, we worked through several significant issues in our limited time. It's an honor seeing a person grow, right before my eyes.
3. I had a good conversation with a friend. I was touched by her encouraging feedback.
It's funny though, how the unpleasant conversation that I had with the angry person created an unpleasant space within me. That usually doesn't happen. I think I was more vulnerable because of the intense day at work and I'm exhausted.
I'm glad I know about being in HALT. You can read more about this subject here.
4. I rode my bike today. Putting in a lot of hours at work has reduced my chances at cycling. I'm glad I made time today. It helps me discharge stress.
How About You?
What do you do when you are in an unpleasant conversation? I have my ways of handling them, but I would appreciate any suggestions you have. I can always grow and approve.
Posts
8 comments:
Pablo, I have had many unpleasent conversations lately mostly with strangers, which doesn't bother me. When it come to friends/family this is where I seem to struggle. I either allow myself to get pulled in or I withdraw and don't say anything. I'm having a rough year for 2012. I say remain calm and cut all ties or talk it out when they can handle being an adult :-)
Hi there, Cary,
Good to see you back! I like your new avatar. I'm sorry hearing about your rough year. If you feel like talking, send me an e-mail.
I'll heed your advice.
What has been your high point for this week? For me, I just got in from being in SF and attending the victory parade for the SF Giants baseball team. There were hundreds of thousands there.
Hope to see you again, soon! You make this a better place, when you drop by.
When I'm in an unpleasant conversation, I try to ease my way out of the conversation as smoothly as possible. I will usually just try to transition to something else. It doesn't always work smoothly but it's the only thing I know how to do.
Keith,
I'm with you. Often, if I'm not liking the nature of the conversation, I'll say, "I'm having a hard time connecting with this subject matter, would it be possible for us to talk about something else. In the case I wrote about, above, there was something odd. Rarely do I get caught off guard. But, I was.
It left me feeling uncomfortable and confused. Then again, I noted tendencies in this person that indicate she might struggle with anger. It's best staying away from such people. I'm not interested in drama.
Thanks for your help and support, Keith. It means much to me.
Dear Innkeeper,
I can relate to what Cary shared. That has been my response/reaction in the recent past as well!
My mentor has been patiently trying to coach me to use OFNR; to share my Observation, my Feelings; how what I observe the person is saying or doing makes me feel, my Need (for equality, dignity, respect, civility, etc.), and my Request to them. This works well when, in the heat of (strained communication) battle, I can remember to do this. In the past I have often been sucked into the other persons negativity and bluster, or cut off altogether, and walk away, as Cary mentioned.
Another of his wise suggestions is to simply say, "You know what, I can't relate to, (or connect with) what you are saying. Let's put a bookmark in this conversation and revisit it, when we are both in a different space." I love both approaches; OFNR and "Bookmark," but it truly takes practice and discipline to execute when needed!
Today, Thursday, November 1 (All Saints Day) I am Grateful;
1. I could finally get back to an important weekly gathering with friends to share experiences, strength and hope in personal growth and healing. I've been away for two weeks; totally caught up in S.F. Giants fever, but back down to earth now.
2. That in seeing my old friends again this evening, I could share my manic, martyr-doormat, obsessive, compulsive moments during work-related travel today, see them nodding and smiling knowingly, and be reminded of, or rediscover my own answers in the quiet serenity of their simple love and support.
3. That I can be patient with postponements and rescheduling because they teach me to be flexible and keep the big picture in mind; progress not perfection. I was reminded of something along these lines during tonight's meeting; a quote from the daily reader; Courage to Change, page 36, February 5; "When the student is ready, the teacher appears," from a Zen Buddhist saying.
4. That I'm taking the next two Monday's off from work to invest needed time nurturing my 33+ year relationship with my eternal soul mate who hails from the beautiful Baltic Sea-side town of Gdansk, Poland.
5. That among the three of our four sons, and their two buddies who live in our home (five young adult men, including at least one who looks like an NFL linebacker!), someone, somehow saw fit to leave just the right amount of Double Fudge Brownie ice cream on the bottom of the round, cardboard tub!
6. Knowing it is not selfish, self-indulgent or arrogant to revel in and allow family and friends to celebrate my birthday with and for me tomorrow, on All Souls Day!
7. That if I embrace daily an Attitude of Gratitude, I will always be able to feel much younger than my years on this good, green earth would suggest.
I have choices when in an unpleasant conversation. I can choose to engage and speak my truth or I can decide to walk away. The choice I make depends on how well I know the person and what I am feeling on the inside. I have to realize that comments made in anger to me may not really be about me at all. I may simply be a target in the way. Hope that you have a good day.
Dear Carl,
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! The world is a better place because you are here. I appreciate your enthusiasm and your consistent posting of gratitudes.
I really enjoy the fellowship and community we have here, when you and others drop by, read and leave your comments. Thank you!
Thanks for bringing up using the principles of nonviolent communication (NVC), what I taught at the peace forum a couple of weeks ago. I also refer to it as verbal Aikido.
Yep, I'm in agreement with you. It takes discipline and practice to be able to respond and not react, when in the heat of an emotional moment, with another.
You and me, both, in terms of having been caught up in the whirlwind of playoffs and the World Series. At least we both knew our priorities. :->
Hey, it's GOOD feeding our inner child, having fun, rooting on our team, the Giants.
Carl, that's a marvelous summary of the fellowship you attended Thursday night. You are a lucky guy!
You are doing so many good things; taking time off, to be with wife and family sounds like just what your Higher Power ordered. You must be living right---you even had a chance to indulge in caloric fun.
You are right on several accounts, today. Gratitude is wonderful for our physical, emotional and mental health and longevity.
Wishing you a special
birthday celebration with your family and friends tonight!
Syd,
I really enjoy your common sense. I like what you say. During the occasion I mentioned in my post, I felt very weird and uncomfortable.
I sighed a breath of relief after reading your comments. Thanks for reminding me that many times, another's behavior has nothing to do with us.
I appreciate your perspective. May day is better, thanks in part to you.
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