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| Image: "Lakeside: Rudyard Lake" by Tim Blessed |
Today,
humility, intelligence and kindness was on view. I experienced, tangibly, a complementary yin, to my yang, or however that goes. "A desire fulfilled makes the heart glad." That was my experience today.
People hungry for growth and authenticity, I witnessed today. These are qualities that I enjoy seeing in others and myself. Some cried tonight, when I spoke. Many opened up, sharing their response to my comments, after I was done. I had not been before this audience in more than seven months, maybe a year.
It is humbling, the touching, heart-warming opportunities that pop up in my life. They satisfy my need for wholeness and celebrating life. I'm happy making my life count.
From time-to-time Marcus Aurelius's words haunt me, prompting me, encouraging me to continue to fight the good fight against the darkness that wants to pervade this world. This inn is a small corner where the light of hope and gratitude pierces a world that can be overwhelming, if we don't use healthy alternatives to overcome our fears, character defects and those who would cause us harm. Oh yeah, what did Marcus Aurelius say? This:
"What man should fear is not death. What man should fear is never beginning to live."Making the day more remarkable was being immersed in a delightful interchange with another, earlier in the day. We engaged in a relational dance. If you told me months ago, today would eventuate as it did, I would have laughed at the absurdity of it all.
It thrills me, seeing God at work. The gifts and blessings he bestows upon us surpasses whatever we could imagine or conjure. His gifts are better than anything I could create, if I relied upon my abilities alone. This fact humbles me and reminds me I'm small. For more about that, please read here.
I drank today. No, not liquor, it was better and healthier than that. I imbibed upon the nurturing fellowship I had with others. Tonight, as I spoke. I noticed I'm not the Pablo I was even a few months ago. It's scarey, but good. There's an unfounded calmness I have, despite my circumstances.
This evening I spoke about feelings, the evolution I'm experiencing, as I find myself increasingly connecting with healthy principles, friends and a loving relationship with God. It's easy staying in my head, if I'm not careful. It is a territory too dangerous to travel alone. This was my curse as a younger man. Expressing my feelings was not allowed as a child. I learned to bottle them up. Not a good idea. A great recipe for depression.
I shared about the need to be loving towards our character defects, those areas where we want to grow. Only then will these lurking, vulnerable area come out from hiding, experience healing and become transformed. When judged, they wear a psychological fig leave, become defensive and hide. As I've written elsewhere, life is not an inside job, something we can do by ourselves; life is not a correspondence program. It's impossible to attempt to mend ourselves. We haven't the emotional and psychological distance necessary for an honest appraisal of our character defects.
Knowing God's love, I released my life into His care today. As a result, I enjoyed His warm embrace, through His incarnational ambassadors. When I look at what he brought into my life, in spite of myself, I'm humbled.
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Recently, I did an invigorating exercise. I inventoried what I've tried to achieve this past twelve months while relying on my resources. The results were minimal.
This was only part of my inventory. Secondly, I listed what my Higher Power has done for me---the gifts He's provided in last yar. I had nothing to do with these results. Here is a short list of what I uncovered:
1. I have made new friends, delightful ones who care for me, are authentic, empathetic and reciprocity reigns. My friends are the BBQ sauce to the sizzling steak of life.
2. People are calling me, wanting my services. This is the results of referrals.
3. The second largest group of guests for this inn are my Russian guests. How they discovered me, I haven't a clue. Thank you, to those from the land of Dostoevsky, Chekhov, Tchaikovsky, Tolstoy and Rachmaninoff, for dropping by!
4. I was asked to speak at numerous venues. I didn't do anything to make these opportunities happen.
5. I was given a bike. I never asked for one. It is one of the best things that has happened this year. Physically, mentally and emotionally, cycling has been amazingly therapeutic. Last month I rode 600 miles (966 km).
6. My ex-wife joined my sons and me for a special luncheon. This was a miracle. I've held no rancor towards her. This was the first time in six years. Progress, Not Perfection.
7. A colleague made a suggestion, creating the birth one of the two books I'm writing.
8. A prominent man, the founder and director of an organization that has done much good in the local community became an advocate for me, without my prompting. He's seeing about this organization using my abilities.
9. Two people successful with finances reviewed my work. Their consulting helped my business run with greater clarity and order. They approached me, offering their services for free.
10. I got support from marketing professionals in the business community. They provided free analysis of the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats to my business.
The results of this inventory drives home the importance of maintaining my connection with Him, the futility when I rely upon my mind and machinations alone.
Presently, despite dire circumstances, I'm happy. My mind alerts me I shouldn't be. September's outlook offers relentless challenges. But, in spite of them, I'm remain joyful.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no fool. Happiness depends not in the positivity (or negativity) of my circumstances but in how much I enjoy, and where I choose to place my attention. To read more about that, please click here.
The good thing is that I don't face difficult times alone. This week my Higher Power brought several angels who ministered to me, cheering me on as I run the sometimes arduous, confounding, fear-inducing marathon of life. Experiencing their love and support, I have an Attitude of Gratitude.
How About You?
1. How are you seeing God work in your life?
2. Are you gentle towards your character defects?
3. How have you grown, since six months ago?
I look forward to hearing your answers.
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2 comments:
Hello Pablo,
Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us all! Rich and warming "food for thought" and reflection, like a hot bowl of homemade soup on a chilly, foggy San Francisco Labor Day holiday weekend.
1. God is working in my life through stretching my heart and concepts via new challenges in care-giving for my quickly aging Mom. After nearly 90 years of sacrificial living for our late father and her five children, its our time to give back. Also an excellent opportunity to model filial piety for our children, as our golden years will be upon us all soon enough!
2. My older brother unloaded his worn-out Mustang Cobra convertible on two of our
sons without telling me. This unexpected "gift" and its related, potential liabilities needlessly triggered my anger and judgement (life-alienating communication). Once again God surprised me with simple wisdom from my formerly petulant #3 son, HALTing me in my tracks. Some know the acronym H.A.L.T. to mean Halt if you are H-ungry, A-ngry, L-onely, or T-ired. I began to vent on him, about my brother and this inconsiderate event, when he "put a bookmark" in the conversation, and asked to discuss it later, after I'd cooled off! I went upstairs, ate a delicious, late-in-the-day, Korean lunch of Bulgogi, Kimchee and Rice (ironically he had brought from a Healing Garden-Eagle Scout Project he, his Mom and his two Eagle Scout siblings had been working on), and realized I truly needed to HALT. I had been hungry, angry, tired, and even a bit lonely after spending 6 hours alone with my Mom,(or out shopping for her groceries) trying to help her eat, cope with her pains, and periodically move about her flat. What I needed was to take a break from worrying about my Mom's health, obsessing about the Mustang, my brother, my sons and all the drama I was frantically screenwriting in dark and scary neighborhoods in my mind! I needed to eat, relax, and go to the gym! HALT helped me remember to be gentle toward my flaws. Here's to slogans of recovery that help us regain our sanity and serenity!
3. Grown? I'm slowly learning to place principles, like patience, tolerance and forgiveness above the personality flaws in myself and others. I'm learning to "don't just do something,(but to) stand there!" That is, to slow down, breathe, not react, and thus often avoid overreacting in the moment; to take a break, and come back to it later. I'm reminded daily what I am and am not responsible for, per your earlier post on this topic. To "Let Go, and Let God," and The Serenity Prayer has also been an enormous help in stressful moments.
Gratitudes: Today, I am grateful for...
A. New perspectives on aging, and that I may have another 25-30 years to prepare in ways my parents could not.
B. Unexpected moments and ways the God of my understanding speaks to me through my sons, my wife and situations.
C. The healing power for a Water-sign Scorpio of cool swimming pool water, hot, bubbling, jacuzzi water, dry sauna steam and even a fleeting nap!
Hello Carl,
It's great reading about your care for your mom.
Slogans do work miracles. HALT is a good one.
You continue to grow, good for you. Placing principles above our personality is a road to certain growth. Kudos to you!
I'd love to hear when God speaks to you through your sons, wife or circumstances. The next time that happens, would it be possible to share. I recall one time when you third son spoke truth at the dinner table.
Thank you, Carl, for your insights and gratitudes. They make the innkeeper happy!
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