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| Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul. Henry Ward Beecher Image: "Single Rose" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Used by permission. |
Good evening,
I wrote the following last year in May. I'm bumping it up. I'd love hearing your responses to the questions at the end of this post.
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Welcome to the inn. Thanks for dropping by. May I offer you tea?
My Gratitudes for Tonight:
1. I avoid abusive relationships. No, that's not a gratitude, but in a way it is. I'm glad that I don't accept unacceptable behavior. As a result, I enjoy serenity and emotional safety, as well as rich, caring intimacy in my relationships with friends and family. I'm thankful for the nurturing I receive from them.
2. I'm thankful for relationships that demonstrate:
a. Mutual Caring
b. Mutual Honesty
c. Mutual Respect
For more about this click here.
It's my default mode, if I'm not careful, to give---plenty---in my relationships, and neglect my needs. Those days are over. Thank God for personal growth and applying principles above the vulnerable parts of my personality.
I was groomed to be this way, as a child. It was a great recipe for depression and disappointment. Now, if someone I relate with is unable to care also for me, I bless them and send them on their way. They are not God's gift for me.
I'm not interested in being used. I no longer have "use me" written across my forehead. I no longer surrender my dignity---pleasing insensitive people, just to keep that relationship.
It's never my responsibility to give more than I humanly can and to let others take advantage of me. I'm worth having relationships that are mutual---not one sided.
We get what we tolerate. I'm glad that by diligently using boundaries, through applying nonviolent communication and drawing from the support of loving reciprocal friendships, I'm able to detach from others who would use me, causing harm emotionally, mentally or verbally.
For more information about the nature of Destructive Relationships please read this. For another perspective, here's a source regarding symptoms of an Emotional Bully. Although it refers to a woman, these characteristics are certainly true for a guy, too.
3. I celebrate the beauty in each person, including you. Thank you, for dropping by. You make this place better with your presence. You also have my prayers. Really.
4. I'm thankful for Alexander, a Russian Blue cat. He and I are buddies; I'm happy he's still around. You might want to check out my post about our relationship here.
5. I like the wonderful universes created, when relating with others, often, the result of my work.
Anais Nin tells us each couple creates a new world that never existed until they met. The complexity of friendship is marvelous no less so than a beautiful canyon or work of art. To know the healing of deep belly laughs, the comfort of a listening ear, and the support of a gracious, compassionate companion is to indeed be wealthy.
I'm grateful for the support, joy and strength I derive from my friends and my relationship with God. My relationships humble me. I always regard my friends as incarnational ambassadors of God's love for me.
Join me in letting those dear to us know how much they mean to us. We'll be glad we did.
How About You?
1. How do you know when a relationship is out of balance?
2. Would it be possible for you to describe one of your best friends?
3. What do you look for in your relationships with others?
I look forward to hearing your insights,
Posts
2 comments:
Interesting questions Pablo... As strange as it sounds, relationships are something that I am still working on... friendships and otherwise. I am trying to put in more of an effort in the good ones and trying to distance myself from the negative ones.
1. How do you know when a relationship is out of balance?
I start to feel unhappy. That is usually how I first notice that it is out of balance.
2. Would it be possible for you to describe one of your best friends?
My best friends are indescribable. That's what makes them perfect.
3. What do you look for in your relationships with others?
In my relationships with others, I look for compassion, kindness and connection.
Interesting answers, Morgan.
You and me both, I continue to work on my relationships. I have quoted this passage before, it's still good:
"Friendship is a plant of small growth which must endure many seasons of adversity before it is worthy of that appellation." George Washington
Relationships require ongoing vigilance. My default mode---if I'm not careful and don't exercise character discernment or recovery principles---is being addicted to unhealthy relationships and losing my life of centeredness---you know, if someone is agitated, I let it affect me.
As I stay in the recovery I've gained, due to Al-Anon Family Groups, that is no longer the case.
I'm in agreement with you. I've learned that all negative feelings are a result of an unmet need. Big needs for me, in relationships, are: loyalty, authenticity, humor, a mutual celebrating of life and reciprocity/mutuality.
My best friends meet the needs I just listed above. Also, they are not drama kings/queens, they are empathetic and good listeners, as well as individuals who love nature and are spiritual. I'm a lucky guy, to have such friends.
One of my best friends drove two and a half hours,in the midst of his busy schedule, to bring a homemade birthday cake, even though he didn't know how to bake. We were both single, young and in college. He didn't want me to be alone.
His effort, even though the cake was lumpy, made it the best I ever had. I'm still touched when I think of what he did.
My friends are available, if I need them, even if it is 2:00 in the morning---and they have responded during such odd times. Am I glad.
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