Hi there, everyone,
How was your Wednesday? I running a bit behind. Usually I get my entries before the midnight witching hour. Not so, today.
Tuesday, I handled the
day on foot, walking several miles. (I have not driven my car in six months.) My bike was out of commission. I strolled for more than and hour, wearing dress shoes. I saw several clients during the day and needed to dress accordingly. Afterwards, errands were done, including getting a tire repair kit and two new inner tubes for my bike.
One client on Tuesday was a first timer. Such occasions are always interesting. It's like a blind date. We had a great time. He decided he wants to continue meeting. Afterwards, I was exhausted. I'm introspective by nature. I needed time to unwind from the energy I put out when meeting with others.
The rapport we established and his openness made for a good session. I find it remarkable that others easily open up when meeting me. I could write a book about those I've met and have counseled over the past twenty plus years. My career has been an amazingly fulfilling ride.
I have an exercise I use with clients, unique to my practice. The new client liked it. In fact, he was enthusiastic. I call it the "5X8 exercise". Using 5x8 cards, we deal with issues like resentment, anger, self-loathing, isolation, procrastination, you name it.
I liken the help I offer to shoe leather. My job is being a cobbler helping my clients (who are apprentice shoemakers) fashion shoes. The footwear created allows them to comfortably walk the varied, dramatic and often intense streets of life. Those who see me learn principles that can be used immediately, as soon as they walk out the door of my office. The practical, encouraging principles learned help them thrive, no matter their circumstances. It is always wonderful, being empowered and experiencing greater clarity regarding the problems they face.
I may share some of what I do with clients here, in this inn. These exercises are simple but profoundly move our lives in a positive direction, allowing us to overcome our character defects. Are you guys interested in learning more? Let me know. If there is enough of a response, I'll share steps that can done that will allow us to stand in our power, integrity. They permit progressive growth in areas where you struggle.
Again, let me know if this sounds appealing to you.
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Now, to a practical matter. Monday, I rode on my bike twelve miles uphill to attend a business meeting. I scooted along a busy street, Buenavista, in Alameda. Unfortunately I rode across thorns that deflated both tires. The thorns didn't do their work until the meeting was over, at 9:30 p.m.
Earlier, I wondered why my tires were tapping along the asphalt, after I rode over weeds in the road. I now realize the sound were the thorns digging deeply into the rubber, puncturing the tubes beneath. The meeting was in Oakland, a town you don't want to be in, alone, late at night.
I reached one person by cell phone. She suggested the bus. That was a great idea. I walked a few blocks towards Broadway and hitched a ride back to the island city of Alameda thanks to a bus running the 51A route. Two bucks and ten cents. Couldn't beat that.
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I'm more conceptual by nature. That part of my brain is well developed. Today, I had the opportunity to use a less used part of my mind, the practical side. I hadn't changed tires on a bike in more than 25 years, but I did it! It was easier than I thought.
Unfortunately, I have to change the sensor for my cyclometer to my new wheel. All the riding I did today, counted for naught---I wasn't able to add to my log.
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Today, I gathered with others, after meeting with someone I mentor. Several complained, two in particular were rather negative. When it was my turn to share, I mentioned that I met with this group to learn from their experience, strength and hope, that complaining does not provide any growth at all. I read from literature that this organization approves, that stated as much.
Afterwards, one woman who was particularly negative asked if I was talking about her. I mentioned that I wanted to uphold the values of this organization, that what I read was not my talking about her, but what the co-founder of Al-Anon Family Groups (AFG) stated was the focus of AFG meetings, that we need to place principles above our personality, our nature that often sees ourselves as victims.
I mentioned that I want to be responsive to, but I am not responsible for the feelings of others. We are responsible for our own feelings. She said as a child that wasn't true for her, that her mother made her upset.
My reply was that it may have been true when she was a child, but as an adult we are responsible for our feelings, that no one can make us angry, sad, lonely, depressed or any other feeling without us giving them permission to do so. (Paths to Recovery, p. 13, penultimate paragraph.)
Expecting others to be responsible for our emotions is to try to coerce others into being codependent. Not only is is not healthy, but it's a serious boundary violation. She was quiet. I shared with her that acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny. (Hope for Today, p. 189) That processing our past and dealing with it is not to deny the woundings of past. But doing so allows us to put our history where it belongs---in the past. (Hope, p. 27)
When we do, we are not allowing ancient feelings to encumber us. We can move forward. When we us principles of recovery in our everyday living, we allow ourselves to create a better today. She remained silent.
My Gratitudes for Wednesday:
1. I put together my bike.
2. I met with clients.
3. I'm taking steps to strengthen my business.
4. I rode my bike! I celebrate life every time I get on my bike and ride among God's beautiful country. I live along the shore, on a beautiful island, in a quaint, friendly town, where I'm loved by many.
5. I took a stand when with others who wanted to take tonight's group down the slippery slope of despair and negativity.
6. I enjoyed a delightful dinner with someone I'm mentoring. I'm proud of his growth. As a father, husband, son and brother his life is having a strong impact on all those around him.
7. I'm thankful for a fantastic conversation with my friend Stuart. I appreciate his companionship.
8. I laughed several times today.
9. I more clearly see the boundaries I want to have with those I consider as friends. I don't want to struggle within the quicksand of rescuing others who don't want to take care of themselves.
10. I'm happy for guests of this inn who are posting comments. It contributes to the community, communication and closeness we experience within this inn. I'd love hearing your gratitudes.
11. I'm grateful that I'm gentle with myself. Lately, as a result of a severely stressful time, I've lost two pairs of sunglasses, my keys, riding gloves, and the side-view mirror that attached to my riding glasses (I lost this last item on BART, the local train service we have).
I let these losses go. They do not define me. Life happens.
I still have my smile. I still have a God who loves me dearly. I still have friends who are strongly committed to my welfare. Flowers still are blooming and the birds still serenade me while flowers perfume the air I breathe. And for all of these gratitudes, and many others, I have an Attitude of Gratitude.
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