Acceptance, With Empowering Options, & Grace, Not Condemnation or Resignation .............................9/21/12

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just
 realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” 
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

      The following is a comment I wrote at Morgan's blog, who has been dropping by here recently.  It was a response to a post of hers about letting go of the past. I thought I'd share my
musings with the guests who visit the Attitude of Gratitude Inn.  I've added  a few more thoughts. 

        I pray that this weekend you have a great time.  I know I will.  I hope what I share here encourages you.  It's easy, if we have low self-esteem, to pummel ourselves allowing the coulda shouldas of life to plunge us into despair. 

        There's no need for that.  Self-loathing is counter productive.  It doesn't help a bit. When we find ourselves in its grip it reveals we are experiencing truth without the counterbalancing power of grace; that's a very dangerous condition for our emotional safety.  As has been said, 

 "Our mind is a very dangerous place for us to travel alone." 

         There's no point to that.  Give yourself credit.  You are a good person.  God loves you and so do your dear ones.  Isn't it amazing how easy we allow others or external factors to define us?  I trust God will use what's written here to lift your spirit and help each of us to be gentler towards ourselves.     The Innkeeper

     Here's what I posted elsewhere: 

        ..... I've found that acceptance is key.  I don't consider acceptance as being passive, where I say, "Oh well, this was my plight, I need to accept it."   Nope, I don't see acceptance this way.  

      Acceptance, does not mean submitting to a degrading situation, but coming to terms with my circumstances, feeling my emotions---loss, regret, remorse, anger, sadness, or grief, letting them go and deciding what steps I can take next  to move forward.  (Courage to Change, p.256) 

       Looking at my options is the Part B of acceptance.  I consider what I can do to meet my needs for sanity, serenity and healing.  It may mean reaching out to another, talking with a friend who is a good listener.  I may need to process my loss, venting it out with someone who won't give advice.

       Another choice is exercising---riding my bike, discharging my pent up frustrations or anger. Or, I can take incremental steps that return me to a place in life I once enjoyed.

       Realizing I have choices, I have options, empowers me and reminds me that I am not a helpless, hopeless victim. 

 "Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny.     Hope for Today, p. 189 

“If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.”  Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free  

       This quote is also true about ourselves. We have to let go of that demanding, critical parent that lives within us.  It's important remembering that that voice is a liar.   Acceptance doesn't involve condemnation or resignation.   I've learned the value of  having acceptance with grace, towards myself.   I say, "that's okay, sweetie." I've done my best, considering my circumstances. I give myself credit.

       Another thing, all I have is now---this very moment.  Dwelling on the past hinders me with the weight of ancient emotions.  Ruing my history usually reveals I have a problem with forgiveness,  towards myself.  Beating myself doesn't help. 

"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life nor has it helped me to love myself more."          Courage to Change, p. 19.

          Doing what I can to improve my present circumstances is the best option.  When stumped or frustrated with myself, I've learned to take it one day at a time, sometimes, fifteen minutes at a time.  Enjoying the present , doing what I can do to create the great big life God wants me to enjoy, is preferred.