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| Boundaries, like the ones I exercised Thursday morning, are like this door. They allow me to keep out the bad and let in the good. |
It's late. I just got in from going to the movies with friends. I'm tired, so I'll go straight to my gratitudes. Just a reminder, I believe you'll enjoy checking out the Alphabetical Inndex (click here) or Favorite Post Inndex (click here).
They provide
helpful posts. The inndexes are arranged by subject. They lead you to posts that help you enjoy life and grow in your personal power----especially in relationships.
Gratitudes for Thursday:
1. I met with a new client today. He is referring me to two others. Can't beat that.
2. I exercised for an hour. You can guess what I did. I felt tired when I did. My body is informing me that I need to balance my workouts. I eased off the intensity of today's workout.
3. I'm getting to know new friends. It's encouraging seeing the quality of my friends improve as my character discernment gets stronger. I enjoy the insights and concern my friends have for me.
4. I'm getting frustrated with my bike.
Lately, I've been making adjustments to how it fits me. I didn't realize how much it's like having a tailored suit. Yesterday, while riding my bike I strained a tendon in my left leg----the seat height was not right.
A friend who is bicycling enthusiast had adjusted it. Unfortunately, it was set too low. It also had been pulled forward. The results were a disaster for my body---it had shortened the distance between the seat and the pedals, cramping my body. I have long legs. It was the least comfortable ride, ever.
My body informs me when it is abused. Last night, for the first time ever, I was limping after my ride. I'm thankful I'm not bullying ahead. I paid attention to my body's complaints. Today, before riding, the bike was adjusted once more. The ride was better, but still needs further tweaking. Progress not perfection.
5. This evening, I saw a diverting movie. Better yet, I was with friends. Best of all, we got in for free, having soda and popcorn at no cost, too.
6. I'm thankful for the joy of expressing my opinion and leaving it at that. This leads me to....
Relating With an Angry Man
I interacted with a less than pleasant person this morning, a man filled with anger that existed way before I ever met him. It was an opportunity to practice grace, kindness, boundaries and detachment from his mood, while still being kind towards him. I'm thankful for not taking his comments personally. What he said was a statement about him, not me.
"When I need the applause of others, to feel good about myself, I give them power over me." Courage to Change, p. 9Fortunately, that was not my problem.
I calmly, with a genuinely pleasant voice let this guy know I disagreed. I also told him I had not given him permission to judge me. I told him it was unacceptable; I finished by asking him to stop doing so. I was thrilled with the serenity I felt while letting him know my response to his comments. I was happy to see that I did not let this man determine my feelings.
"Being challenged in life is inevitable; being defeated is optional."
He wanted to engage in an argument. As I mentioned to Keith earlier this week (see the comments section), another person cannot play tug-of-war with me, if I let go of the rope---the argument. That's what happened. I simply expressed my feelings and let it go of the rope of the argument that he so eagerly desired. It was not my job to convince him. No is a complete sentence.
I'm delighted with the joy I have because I know it's not my job---nor my desire---to change or convince others. I simply stay true to my values (my boundaries). I live by them and leave the results to God. I do not desire to control others but I can control how I respond my circumstances.
The Alternative to Surrendering Our Values
Calmness in the Eye of the Emotional Storm
The Demon of Denial
Posts
4 comments:
"No is a complete sentence"...I'm definitely going to save that to my list of quotes Pablo.
I LOVE how you see that encounter as an opportunity to learn. Angry people can really shake me up, but I try to remember that they are only trying to be heard. I often let people rant and just breathe, knowing the storm will be over soon. If I stand in the eye of the storm I will never be overwhelmed by the winds.
Keith,
I love that thought too. I also like the quotes:
"I can say my no as gently as my yes."
and,
"The highest form of wisdom is gentleness."
Both quotes are from Courage to Change, p.104.
Hi there, Vanessa,
I'm always glad when you drop by the inn. I enjoy your honesty---always expressed with kindness. Btw, you probably know that I respond to all of your comments. Thank you so much for your kind words---the other day---about me being a healer.
Re: encounters: isn't that what life is all about? It provides opportunities for us to grow and expand.
Re: angry people. When I am with them, I think of James Kavanaugh's pithy phrase, "the hidden hurt of anger." Anger is someone letting me know, in an aggressive way, that they are hurt.
Once again, I love your imagery. Yep, standing in the eye of the storm is the most peaceful place to be
I'm thankful when I'm grounded. I, too, am glad when I remember to breathe in what could be tense moments. It's good to know that whatever a person does is a statement about them, not me.
Have you read Don Miguel Ruiz's book, "The Four Agreements" ? It helped me to have perspective when relating with others.
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