We had lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant for two and half hours. It was totally unexpected. She wants to visit again.
I'm not sure about that.
I was troubled by several things this young lady interjected when we chatted. Not a few times, she told me, "You're wrong."
That concerns me. I am uncomfortable relating with dogmatic or judgmental people. Those with black or white thinking scare me.
Other than the desire to run away from her when she did that, she was okay.
Life isn't safe for them. It is for me. That's what emo-tional resiliency offers. When we have it, confidence is born. We know regardless our circumstances, we can surf them.
We own our feelings. We don't hide from them. If we disagree with someone, we voice our concerns.
Firstly, we separate from what is unsafe. We have our armor of boundaries. We clearly know who we are. We are in touch with our thoughts, feelings and desires. We also know what we will not tolerate, our limits, what is not us.
Secondly, what enables us to speak up is that our emotional health is ongo-ingly fed. By bonding. No, not superficially through Facebook. But with others with whom we can be our authentic selves.
We know and enjoy an environment where when we are vulnerable, we receive compassion. We are not judged. We live in a community that is safe, where we can reveal the vulnerable parts of ourselves and are still loved and supported.
We separate from what violates our boundaries. We do not need the support of those we oppose. We already have it, from those who care about us. We are bonded with safe, emotionally healthy others.
In fact, because we have this support, we can oppose others without fear of rejection or ridicule. This enables us to separate from values we disagree with. A good network of friends emboldens us to boldly stand our ground with manipulators, controlling people, or individuals not good for us.
We are shielded by our boundaries. We will not surrender chunks of our values because we fear those who oppose, intimidate us. And we are covered with the love of a healthy community when we face the hurricanes of life.
It is the best of both worlds.
Gratitudes for Saturday:
1. I'm thankful for rest. I slowed down today. My emotional equilibrium was out of whack. I paid attention to my body and took it easy. I napped.
2. I met with friends for lunch. I enjoyed their stories. It's amazing how you see a person and have no idea regarding the journey they've had. Such was the case today with a young woman who was with us who enduring cancer.
3. This morning, I was with many people I didn't know. There were twenty-four people. That is an daunting environment for an introspective person.
That type of setting once intimidated me. Not long ago, it was hard expressing my point of view in front of so many strangers.
My default controlling nature, which rears its head, when I am not living by recovery, is checking out the lay of the land. To see if the group I am with is safe. I didn't do that today.
In fact many appreciated what I said. I'm thankful for increased boldness that allows me to express my opinion, my voice. I am now internally referented.
I clearly know who I am and who I am not, what I don't agree with or what disturbs me. (There can't be any "yes" if there isn't any "no.")
My default controlling nature, which rears its head, when I am not living by recovery, is checking out the lay of the land. To see if the group I am with is safe. I didn't do that today.
In fact many appreciated what I said. I'm thankful for increased boldness that allows me to express my opinion, my voice. I am now internally referented.
I clearly know who I am and who I am not, what I don't agree with or what disturbs me. (There can't be any "yes" if there isn't any "no.")
4. I enjoy seeing those I help getting better. I love when others find that zest that was lost due to self-loathing or experiencing abuse in their younger years.
5. I'm glad that I am comfortable in my own skin. It helps the authentic me to appear. I can disagree with others.
Albeit gently, with kindness and courtesy. Recovery taught me I can say my no as gently as my yes.
Albeit gently, with kindness and courtesy. Recovery taught me I can say my no as gently as my yes.
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4 comments:
I like this idea for a list of gratitudes. It's a good way to stay grounded and humble. I may a list of these for myself.
Sounds as if you had a good day. Being authentic and in balance are surely good things. Thanks for stopping by.
Keith,
As an old saying mentions, I'd rather light a candle than curse the light. What we focus upon affects our thoughts. I'd rather dwell on the blessings I receive every day, almost, moment-by-moment, than dwelling upon the dreariness of life.
I use old-fashioned composition journals to record my daily list of thanksgivings/gratitudes. I only try for three. Some days, additional joys flow from my heart to my hand, and ultimately through my pen. They are the result of the dam of my heart bursting with joy and appreciation.
Regarding humility, that's one thing I like about my name. It reminds me that I'm small, it's meaning in Latin. It's the same route we get for the words paucity, pablum, or pause. A sense of few, small or nothingness.
I find it difficult saying that "God is in my heart." That limits Him so. I prefer asking if I'm in the heart of God.
My name prompts a healthy perspective. Thank you for dropping by and the joy you bring to this inn.
Syd,
I like your place. I'm there many a time. I hope you had a great Easter day.
I'm aware of your recent loss of your trusty dog and the new one you have.
Did you know I wrote a series on a cat I loved, Alexander the Grey? He died last June. It's the second all-time most popular post here. It's part of a four part series.
Thanks for your honesty, your posts here and at your place.
From one coast to another,
The Innkeeper
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