Making Amends Revisited ........ 4/17/12

Things work better, when repaired. In my Left-Coastal thinking, I find

this repaired bowl has a unique beauty.It definitely has character.

The esthetics of kintsugi. Kintsugi (金継ぎ) means "golden joinery" in  Japanese, and it refers to the art 

of fixing broken ceramics with a lacquer resin made to look like solid gold.  Chances are, a vessel fixed by kintsugi will look more gorgeous and precious, than before it was fractured. The same is true in a

 relationship with a safe, healthy friend. After processing "ruptures,"instead of looking good, the

 relationship will be even more gorgeous. "Friendship is a plant of slow growth," George Washington said, "that must endure many seasons of adversity, before it is worthy of
that appellation."

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    Good evening everyone,
I did it again. I pushed myself
on the bike. This time the outcome was good:
1. It was my fastest ride:
 I hit over 31 miles an hour and rode 21 miles in 1 hour and one minute.
2. It was my best trip on a bike: I discovered new scenic, along the water parts to this island. I mountain biked, handling challenges to my endurance and balance. It was fun making my way through mud, slippery, grassy, sandy slopes and riding along the edge of a hill. (I was careful.)
 3. My ride was the best, ever.
It was the fastest and farthest I've ever gone. Can't beat that.  I celebrated the feat by getting a pizza and watching my baseball team on the TV at the pizza joint.

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    Thanks for dropping by. I'm tired.  I've been busy biking and working.  So, I'll leave you with something I wrote nearly a year ago on 4/21/11. It's a subject that I like: making amends.

Updated Thoughts 
     Before turning you over to what I wrote earlier, I want to share some thoughts I've had since then. The key thing I've learned about making amends is that I do so for my sake. It frees me from guilt that would stay with me if I didn't take care of the problem and admit my part.
     When I make amends, it prevents bad things from the past to drip into the present. It helps me let go of guilt and regret. It contributes to my peace of mind. It allows scars from the past to be healed, allowing me to move forward, unfettered by regrettable actions that could rob me of my joy and self-esteem.
       One trick about doing an inventory of amends is that it also frees me from an exaggerated sense of responsibility. Many areas where I feel responsible, I'm not. Others disappointment in me is sometimes due to their expectations of me, which is their problem, not mine.  There was a great sense of relief when I realized I'm not responsible for the unfulfilled desires of others.

Guilt is a burden that keeps me from giving myself freely and fully to the present. I can begin to rid myself of guilt by quietly admitting where and when I done wrong to people, including myself. 

           Courage to Change, p. 242 

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Here's the original post:  

    This has been an amazingly fulfilling, satisfying, wonderful week.   Other than that, there's not too much I can say.  How have things gone for you?  It's rewarding, having the support of caring friends and family members.  I enjoy the growth that's possible when I place principles above areas in my personality that are vulnerable.

     Earlier today, I met with a dear friend I've known for more than 30 years.  I learned, as a result of our meeting, there are issues that need to be addressed.  I like Goethe's quote:

 "An admission of error is a sign of strength, rather than weakness."

     A sore subject surfaced, when with my friend. I scrounged up the courage to discuss the issue, after our meal.  I was happy we spoke about it.  Still, I want further resolution, then let it go. The outcome is in God's hands, not mine.  I know that.
Being Responsible
     One of the best things I've learned over the years is to clean up my side of the street.  At times this is making amends.  If I have any expectations of the other person's  response to my amends, I'm setting myself up for disappointment:

"An expectation is a resentment waiting to happen."

I've also learned that I want to be careful that I'm not doing what I want to do---making my amends---at the expense of someone else. This is where it's a good idea for me to get feedback from my Balcony People. I've learned that sometimes indirect amends through changed behavior may serve me best.
Being Gentle Towards Myself, When I Goof
       I know it's crucial that I don't avoid doing what I can can, to right a situation, in order to spare myself discomfort.  That only creates more guilt and stymies my healing.  I'm comforted knowing that when I see an area needing growth, I don't have to berate myself.  It simply reveals I'm getting healthier.  I see something that I was unable to see before.

       Wow, life is good.  I'm thankful for healing in areas that were damaged as a child.  In my home, it was frowned upon to admit mistakes. I was punished when I confessed my errors.  I'm thankful, knowing now, that I am not what I do.  I'm loved by God and friends because of who I am, right now, faults included. What freedom that gives me to be myself.  Being courteous, considerate, kind and loving are goals of mine. I want those qualities reflected in my life.  Other than that, I'm free to be the person whoever I choose to be.