The Vision of The Inn 7/31/13

       Hello everyone,

How was your day?  This month the inn had the most views ever----nearly 20,000.

      The following post is being bumped up.  It's a important one.  Accomplishing anything requires perspective. What you'll read next is the vision for the Attitude of Gratitude Inn.

Here is the post:

Welcome!

        Can you think of a better way of starting this

A Joyful Recovery 7/30/13

     Hello everyone,

I'm doing a happy dance.  Am I ecstatic.  Someone had hacked this inn and deleted my most sentimental and

A Momentous and Humbling Time 7/29/13

 

     Good evening,

Today was a busy but excellent day.  I saw five clients today.  Whew!  The sessions were good, varied in content and took their toll on me, emotionally.  I put a lot into my work, today was

He Who Has Friends Must Show Himself Friendly .... 7/27/13

         How was your Saturday?

It's a day off for me, from the inn. So, today, I'm bumping up this post written last year in October. Here it is:

         I relate with someone who is emotionally scarred.  I'll call him Bob.  As a kid, his mother constantly created drama and topped that off by yelling at him, a lot.  Unfortunately, his hearing isn't the best, he has tinnitus---constant ringing in his ears--- the result of

Tactfulness: Making a Point Without Making an Enemy............ 7/25/13

     How are you?

Barely got this post in before this day became Friday.  I just awoke from four hours of slumber.  Whew.  My mind shut down, upon arriving home.  It was depleted from a day of intense work.

     Today required every bit of my

Attitude & Principles: Sources for Serenity During Tough Times 7/24/13

You'll notice my knees are not shaking. 

     How is your attitude?

      Like an airplane, is your attitude nose up, climbing?  Or is it nose down, head-ing for a crash?

       Mine?  You know the answer.  Hopefully, it's a reason why you drop by.  The thing is, our disposition can be positive----even when times are dire.

     We can delight in peace of mind that transcends our cir-cumstances.

     During tough times, we can fly using the instrument panel of healthy principles.  It's best being guided by the rudder of a loving God.  We set a stronger course in life when enjoying dynamic, positive, discerning, friends.

       Having a sense of humor during difficult times improves our attitude.  Life also flies smoothly when we are free from emotional vampires.  We avoid them.

Growth: Moving Beyond Knowledge

       How can we have a smoother, satisfying life?

       By consuming information slowly.  We are careful about what and how much we feed our mind.  Like eating food, it's best digesting what we learn, slowly.

      It takes time for our brain to signal the stomach of our comprehension.  After an hour of study, we usually have enough meaty information requi-ring exercise--- ap-plication.  Living what we learn pre-vents us from being mentally fat.

       Gobbling food causes indigestion.  It contributes to packing more pounds than needed on our mortal coil.  The same with learning.

        Personal growth is not stuffing our head with ideas.  It is more than how many pages read at a sitting.  It's about three things.  Ap-plying, applying and applying.

        This is how unhelpful youthful patterns are overcome. This requi-res effort.

        Schools teach us incorrectly.  Learn-ing is not acquiring information. Wisdom is using what we study.  Otherwise, what is the point?

Changing Familial Legacies
 Overcoming Ingrained Characterological Patterns

      Books are not given to increase our knowledge, but improve to our lives.  Application accelerates personal growth. Ruminating upon what we learn, practicing it, internalizing it is better than storing informa-tion.

      When difficulties arise, antidotes help us triumph over to-day's or tomorrow's looming difficulties.

      Catastrophizing doesn't help.  Staying in the solution, tak-ing action with pro-ductive alternatives is far better than panicking.  Life is smoother when also drawing from our supportive network. This is far better than isola-ting.

      Support from my Comfort Circle of friends who have EQ is the bug spray that wards off the gnats of life's irritations.  Without connecting with others, we suffer from the Second Law of Thermodynamics.  Our joy decays.

      Freaking out only makes problems worse, more disturbing.  Fear informs us we want to use recovery.  We want grace balancing any negativity we perceive.

    It is better, re-sponding, not reacting.  It's easy condemning our-selves.  Many of us grew up with con-stant judgment.  Without recovery, it is easy using our default mode---allowing the fearful child within to fly the plane of our lives.

      A bad idea.

The Instrument Panel of Healthy Principles

      Being mindful of healthy principles, and living by them, allow the airplane of our life to fly straight, calmly, preventing our daily experi-ences from crashing into the sea of despair.

"If thy law [or healthy prin-ciples] had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction."    Psalms 119:92

Specific Dials On the Instrument Panel, You Ask?

     You want to know specific principles that help?  Okay.  Here's one:

"When the applause of others is the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me."

        Another you ask? All right. How about this: 

"I block my well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me."

        You are persistent.  I hear you asking for more.  You are gobbling up these principles like potato chips, although they are healthier.

        Fine. Here's another principle that provides serenity:

"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more."   

 You want more?  Here's a final one: 

"If you feel like a doormat, you need to get up off the floor." 

        If you use the instrument panel of principles like these, you'll fly straighter.  The buffeting storms of life will not throw you off course.  You will arrive at a life filled with more serenity, emotional ease, and joy.

         Happy flying.

How About You? 
      Are you nose up or nose down?   Please share what state your attitude is in, and why.  

We Are Met By the Traits We Show 7/22/13

    My Gratitudes for Monday: 
1.  I had a fantastic day at work.  The work I do is satisfying and rewarding.  It's not my job---- it's my joy.
2.  I rode my bike at length today. After working in San Leandro, 12 miles from my home, I went to a business meeting in Piedmont, and rode home another 8 miles.  It is

Going Easy On Ourselves, When We Goof 7/21/13

     I worked.  The San Francisco Giants lost.  I have a rash on my right arm, a result of the hot weather.  Other than that, and adding two new persons to my clientele today (I'll see them Tuesday), and my brain is fried, it was typical day. 

     Oh yeah, there were

I Had Dinner With Four Amazing Women and They All Wanted Me to Touch Them. What Do You Think of That? 7/20/13

Image: "Scotland: Loch Garry
By Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. 

     How are you?

Did the title intrigue you?  I'll get to this incident in a second.  Please be patient.

       Yesterday, I was exhausted.  I took time off from recovery by ending the day with fun: I saw Red 2 and RIP Police at the local movie theater.  Tonight, after being groped and touching other women, I saw Despicable Me 2 with two of them.

      This afternoon, I went to a

Surveying the Past Week: Highs and Lows. Let Me Hear Yours 7/19/13

Image: "Cumbria: Mountain Walk"by Tim Blessed.
Copyrighted photo. Used by permission.

  Good evening,

Here I am, again.  The day is almost over, I'm slipping this post under the wire, before Friday changes its name.  As many of you know---frequently, towards the end of the week----I ask if

Back At It

   Good evening everyone,

It's terrific coming back and reading comments from guests to this inn. Thank you.  Yesterday morning, my computer crashed and I took it in for repair.  This evening I picked it up.

    There was a loss. All documents on my laptop were erased, and the photos I've used for this inn------------hundreds.  No, I did not have backup copies. Ouch. But, it's not the end of this world.

     I was out of communication with you on Wednesday and most of today, but we survived and are connected once again.  I hope you got a chuckle out my story about Ellie in my previous posting.

     I will reply to comments, starting tomorrow.  Today was a tough work day. The sessions were intense, leaving me drained.

 My Gratitudes for Today: 
1.  I'm writing again. My laptop is back in action.
2.  Rest is on tap for tomorrow, I'll try to sleep in.
3.  I'll cycle tomorrow. Wednesday I rode 23 miles, taking my computer to Union City.

How About You?  
What three gratitudes do you have for today?  

Meeting a New Friend. She Was Completely Undressed At the Time, Revisited ...................7/17/13

Try to bear patiently with the defects and infirmities

of others, whatever they may be, because you also

have many a fault which others must endure. 

 Thomas à Kempis,  (Photographer's caption)

      Hello, how is everyone?

I just got in from a trip to San Rafael where I met with others regarding business and finances. Afterwards, a friend, prepared an unexpected meal in Novato.  We had a nice time, fulfilling in more ways than one.

      But, little did I know that I was about to meet an unabashed friend of hers that would parade around, undressed.  Usually, hairy females I'm not drawn to.  With this new friend I was.  And how.  In this case, there were reasons that drew attention.

Life Is Good, When We Don't Live It By Our Power Alone 7/15/13

    Hey, how are you?

My eyes droop, my brain aches and my body is worn out, but, in a good mood, I remain.  Today was interesting.  Mondays have gone from a day off to my busiest day. Often, I decompress on Tuesdays, being exhausted from what transpires on Monday.

    Life is terrific.  I met with someone today who was depressed.  But he was down in a way I haven't seen in a long time.  It was fascinating noticing how effortlessly I felt like it was my job to make him feel better.  Detaching was important, if I wanted to maintain serenity and joy.

    Applying what I tell others---I was responsive to, but not responsible for this individual's feelings.  Easily, I could have been drawn to this negative emotional vortex encountered in the afternoon.  He was reminded that his desire to get healthier had to be stronger than my desire to help.  To have it any other way, would be codependency on my part.

My Gratitudes for this Fine Evening,
1.  I found my cyclometer!   My life is complete.  As far as I'm concerned, if my cycling isn't measured, it didn't happen. (Don't try to understand.)  I love measuring progress.  I'm ecstatic I have it.   Ya ay!

     I was distraught yesterday, thinking this device was long gone.

Downtown Niles. It's four blocks long.
 Don't blink or you'll miss it.

2.  I rode with Theresa yesterday. We encircled the small town where I grew up. Between a channel on the right and a lake on the left, we rolled around where I used to haunt as a youth.  It had been more than thirty years since I rode a bike in this town.  Sharing this moment with a friend was marvelous.

As a kid I climbed this hill and would eat lunch from
 a paper bag while sitting on this cement sign.  I'd climb
over this bump and venture into the countryside of Sunol. 

    I showed her the homes I lived in, the old jail from the cowboy days and parts of town where Charlie Chaplin lived and filmed his silent films, the ones that made him renowned.  In my boyhood town, downtown is only four block long.  To this day, there still isn't a signal light.  But this place made me, me, creating the small-town, midwestern personality and concern for people that I have.  I love the place.

3.  Memories flooded back. Remembrances of childhood chums danced within my head as I rolled through Niles.  When I'm not so tired, I may rework this post with more details.

4.  Afterwards, we rode six miles to the Century 25 Theater in Union City, catching a comedy.  If felt good laughing and sharing this communal event with all those sharing the same darkened room with flickering lights, including my cycling companion who hails from the Island City, too.

5   I love life.  It's treating me well.  I'm thankful for having my voice, knowing a loving God and the emotional strength derived from support I get from my Balcony People and the principles that allow me to see life clearly, making the most out of it.

6.  I'm speaking at two events soon.  I love doing so.  It's my first love, in terms of service.  At one event I was asked to talk on overcoming anger with compassion and spirituality.  A great topic that is in keeping with my interests and experience.  I can't wait.

7.  I look forward to my future with eagerness.  I am strong because I'm not lving my life by my strength alone.  I rely upon a Power Greater Than Myself who does for me what I can't do for myself. And, I'm very grateful He does.

8.  Tomorrow, a son and I head off to Piedmont.  We're meeting someone who is a provost at the university I attended.  She may help him get into U.C. Berkeley's graduate business school.  Boy, do I love this son, as well as my other two. 

     We'll drop by Fentons, too, afterwards.  Am I glad.   It's a terrific ice cream parlor that has lines even at midnight. What is concocted within this place is heavenly.  The portions are ginormous; the place has been around for 119 years and if you eat there, you'll know why it will last another 119 years.

How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today?  Please share them.  Adding to the positivity of this inn  happens, when you do.

Good night. I'm tired.  I need to hit the hay.    

Looking Back .....7/14/13

      Good morning,

Yesterday, was an anniversary for this inn.  Yep, this place is still a youngster, a little over two years old.  Much has happened in

A Full Week

   Good evening,

Have you missed me?  The past few days I've vacationed from my duties as innkeeper.  So hectic was this week that I've crashed when arriving at home each night

My Gratitudes:
1.  I met with the board of directors who oversee my work, yesterday.  A good time was had.  The result is having greater clarity about the direction of my business and the vision we have for it.
2.  I'm helping my son as he's making inroads into going to graduate school. I know key people who work at the U.C. Berkeley Haas School of Business, where he wants to attend. I'm arranging for him to meet them, this upcoming Tuesday.
3.  I rode my bike plenty this week. Cycling is helping me get fitter, sleep better and make time for me.
4.  This evening, I played Pit, a fun game, with friends. We had plenty of fun, laughter and a three hours of bonding.
5.  This week I spent time with my oldest son. I love him a lot. Our times together meet my need for connection, support, love and mutual respect. I'm fortunate having amazing sons.
6.  Wednesday I cycled for a sixteen miles with a friend. Was it lovely. The view was crisp, clear. The air was scrubbed by a bracing wind. Visibility was thirty miles.

    Even though the ride was amazing, the connection with my cycling buddy was even better.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?

Expressing Our Voice: A Great Antidote for Depression, Revisited............... ...................7/9/13

Image: "Scotland: Ben Nevis With His Hat On"

       I wrote to a friend I've known since twelve.  A disap-pointment needed processing.  Expres-sing our concerns is the best approach.

      Non-violent communication (NVC) helps. We get better results when expressing needs without using Life Alienating Communication. For more about this subject, you can read here.

       Its five forms are blame, shame, fear, guilt, or judgment.  Rela-tionships improve when using NVC.

      The letter worked: my friend responded to my needs.  I strongly expressed what disturbed me and what I wanted in our relationship.

      Our life improves, when we take care of the needs beneath what troubles us.  It involves standing in our power, recovery and integrity.  You can read here (the second half of this post), for addition-al thoughts.  

      We needn't be stuck or panic when life presents unwanted circumstances.

      It's our responsibility, handling life's disappointments.  Resentment builds if we expect others to rescue us. 

      A child, we are not. Responsibility for effecting outcomes we want is ours.  We are the only per-son on earth who can make our needs our number one responsibility.  (Courage to Change, p. 229)

     One key point: it helps seeking God's will, along with asking Him for the power to carry it out. This is applying Step 11 in recovery.  If things don't go our way, we don't sulk.

  We trust life's out-comes after our best ef-forts at following His will.

     Asking God to do what we want is asking him to perform our will, not His.  In Twelve Step recovery work, making a decision to turn our life over to the God of our understanding is the Third Step.  It grants us serenity.  

     We will be happier campers.  A crucial point: if I'm disturbed by a person or circumstance, I haven't turned that person or situation over to God.  I'm still at square one, Step One, in recovery speak.

     We'll be encouraged, seeing new legacies rooting in our lives, the result of exercising constructive actions.  Expressing our needs, while also being respectful towards others is a difficult characterological skill.  It is a skill not taught to us as kids.   

     It isn't our family's fault, alone, this inability to express our values and needs while simultaneously being kind and courteous.  Churches and schools contributed to our social ineptness, as kids.

Unhealthy Principles Often Taught in Childhood:

1. We are to unquestioningly obey others.

2. Expressing our opinion is not allowed. 

3. To not speak, unless spoken to versus being respected for what we have to say. 

4. Others know our needs better than we do.  We are to trust and defer to the opinion of others, even if we ar uncomfortable or disagree with the views presented.

              a.  This is the beginning of being externally referented.

5. Ignore our feelings. Comply, even if it doesn't feel right, because we should.

6. Disagreeing, is disrespectful. This is especially if the other person is an authority figure.

7. Passivity is encouraged.

     Often we are coerced as children to open our minds. Allowing values to be poured into our minds.  They are not to be challenged.  This was being a good child, student and parishoner.  There was a small problem. We are individuals.  

     The above listed values are unpalatable, now and back then.  Holding onto our dignity and self-esteem, by swimming against the current of childhood authority figures, was courting punishment and shame while growing up.  As a result, we face disappointment, the crushing of our spirit.   

     The values listed above make us timid, not a driven or confident person.  Defiance towards authority figures subjected to shame, punishment and ridicule.  Our independent self is tamed, squelched.

     We want to live in relationships where we enjoy reciprocity, mutuality and independence.  Being respectful while maintaining our individuality allows us to be authentic and peace of mind.  We'll be happier while maintaining our dignity, too.  We'll enjoy improved, balanced relationships.

      Our vision clears, allowing us to make decisions that are fair for everyone, others and ourselves, too.  Frustration is replaced with satisfying relationships. What a gift it is, being freed from the disease of codependency. 

Expressing Our Voice

      We have integrity when voicing our boundaries.  We being at home with ourselves.  Boundaries declare our values, likes and dislikes. 

       It lets others know the "Must Haves" and "Can't Stands" that define who we are.  If we want to be happy, we need to be adults.  Adults disagree with others.  Boundaries are normal and necessary for equanimity and peace of mind, and emotional safety.

       We risk disapproval when we are clear about our boundaries and are mindful our worth is not based upon what others think of me.  (Courage to Change, pps. 9, 118, 217)

      Others can think and feel however they please about us.  But, we are happiest when our behavior is congruent with our internal clock.  We enjoy greater satisfaction when we live consistently with our worldview.   

      Will rattle others, though. 

How About You?

1.  Is there anything that prevents you from expressing your views?
2.  What allows you to overcome the negative conditioning you experienced as a child? 

Recapping the Week: Highs and Lows, What Were Yours for Last Week? 7/7/13

     Good evening everyone,

I'm back, after putting in 22 miles on my bike today, this, after working a full day.  I was exhausted, before rolling along the San Francisco Bay shoreline with a friend this evening, upon arriving in Alameda.  Occasionally, my work does that to me, I get

Resiliency: Embracing Negative Reality. Ridding Self-Defeating Thoughts. Seeing Our Emotional & Spiritual Bankruptcy 7/6/13

 

       This week is challenging.  Today, I face unpleasant circumstances.  What is there to be grateful for, when life is tough?  How about this:

An Unusual Week 7/6/13

The sky reflects my mood  But, it is lovely, isn't it? 

This and That

     This week has been most unusual, in an unpleasant way, sorry to say. This inn was burglarized. Someone accessed this inn, erasing

Calmness in the Eye of the Emotional Storm, Part II, Revisited. Triumphing Over Stress ........7/2/13

I wrote this nine months ago. Today's topic is important, especially for those going through stress.  Let me hear from you.

      The past few months have been a inspiring time of personal growth and learning.  More importantly, its been a time where I've seen the value of

Thievery

     I'm sorry to say that someone burglarized the inn.  Somehow, they emptied the contents of my longest post, Buddy of Mine, a series of four posts woven together with a special chapter written just for that page, "A Loyalty Lesson," along with the photos and graphics.

    Wow.

    Ugh.

    I'll be honest with you, that page still brought a tear to my eye, each time I read it. I loved Alexander the Grey(t) so.  Unfortunately, I don't have a copy of the extra chapter or of some of the photos. I'll try cobbling it together, when I have time.

    I'm sad and surprised someone would do that.  I've written 699 entries. It looks like I will need to save them, elsewhere.

********

    The good new is that this place had 7,000 visitors in July and it looks like this month the numbers may be higher, much higher.

    Welcome to the new guests.  Thank you, for dropping by.  I hope this cozy place in cyberspace meets your need for peace, ease and encouragement