November's Letter from the Inn

     Hi there, friends and guests,

Thank you, Lisa, for dropping by. It was good hearing from you the past few days. I hope your hand gets better.

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     I have a fire going for my guests, the weather is a bit nippy. Let me know if you need one of the afghans my mother made.  If you stand up and walk to your left, and peer through the windows, 
you'll have a terrific view of

Recovering from the Holiday, A Happy, But Busy Innkeeper

“Gratitude is the memory of the heart.”
Jean Baptiste Massieu

It Is Never My Responsibility To 11/27/11

"Amidst the constant turmoil and drama that surrounds us, as we live life, many
stop noticing what is going on with themselves.  Something more important and 
life threatening always seems to intervene.  When we acknowledge a situation as
 it is, we want look at our options instead of looking at the options available to
other people."   Courage to Change, p.359

The following are general principles from Al-Anon Family Groups. I'm sure they
 will help when trying to figure out our responsibility in our relationships with others. 

It Is Never My Responsibility To: 

G

ive what I really don’t want to give

Sacrifice my integrity to anyone

Do more than I have time to do

Drain my strength for others
Listen to unwise counsel

Remain in an unfair relationship

Be anyone but exactly who I am

Conform to unreasonable demands

Be 100% perfect

Follow the crowd

Please unpleasant people

             Bear the burden of another’s misbehavior

Do something I really cannot do

Endure my own negative thoughts

Feel guilty towards my inner desires

Submit to overbearing conditions

             Apologize for being myself

Meekly let life pass me by

Letting Go......... 11/27/11

                                                                                                                  

T

o let go doesn’t mean to stop caring:
       it means I can’t do it for someone else.

  To let go is not to cut myself off:
       it is the realization that I can’t control another.
  To let go is not to enable: but to allow learning 

         from natural consequences.

             To let go is to admit powerlessness,
                 which means the outcome is not in my hands.

     To let go is not to try to change or blame another: I
         can only change myself.

     To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

     To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

     To let go is not to judge,
                 but to allow another to be a human being.

     To let go is not to be in the middle           
                 arranging outcomes, but to allow others to
                 effect their own outcomes.

     To let go is not to be protective:

                  it is to allow another to face reality

     To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

     To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to 
                          search out my own shortcomings
                  and to correct them.

     To let go is not to adjust everything to my 
                 desires, but to take each day as it comes and 
                 to cherish the moment.

     To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone, but
                 to try to become what I dream I can be.

     To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow 
           and live in the present.

     To let go is to fear less and love more.  

A of G Alphabetical Inndex

A

A Spiritual Awakening, What It Looks Like

Acceptance and Difficult Others—An Answer to Thag 4/21/11

Aim of All Guests of This Inn

Reflecting On Gratitudes This Thanksgiving Day 11/24/11

Good morning everyone, I'm tuckered out. I went to bed late and woke up, early. I'm grateful, though. This is the central day of this inn. I leave the following  passage with you. I appreciate what she writes. I echo her sentiments.  

*******************************

      Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! Here's hoping you will have bounteous tables, full of turkey and all the trimmings (or your family's favorites) and a good time had by everyone. For those of you who are missing a loved one this year, may your good memories sustain you through the holidays, and help to fill the emptiness.

The Focus of Thanksgiving Day and Freedom from the Corrosive Power of Bitterness .....................11/24/11

       Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

How are you? This day is fantastic----its focus is what this inn is about.  I like this holiday; enjoying it with family and friends appeals to

Perspective is Everything, Not Just for Photos and Paintings

     A mindset is a set of beliefs or way of thinking that determines our behavior and outlook. Consider the anecdote about the
two shoe salesmen who went to Africa. The first wrote the home office saying, "Nobody wears shoes here," and turned in his
resignation. The second was thrilled with the potential, and wrote, "Everybody here needs shoes!"

Let Me Know If I Can Help

Love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. 

You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it. (John Lennon)

The Innkeeper Experienced Drunkenness of Another Kind (Also, Wrestlings Within the Writing Innkeeper)

Victory and happiness don't come when everything in your life is peachy. They are the results of living more in the realm of the
supernatural than the natural. You're happiest when you choose not to allow the things of this Earth to get you down, when you
choose to rise above. There are no limits to the happiness you can have in life once you've learned to rise above. Obstacles are for
overcoming!  (Image: "Peak District: Between a Rock and a Hard Place"  by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. Used by permission.
Caption is his, too.)

       Good evening everyone,

I'll get to my being drunk in a minute.

Practicing Boundaries Pays Off. When Publicly Confronted About My Position, I Spoke Clearly, Not Like Porky Pig ......................11/20/11

     Good evening everyone,

Three hours ago, I was awakened from the Land of Nod.  A  mind overstuffed with reflections upon today's events, being emotionally drained, along with a low-grade headache prompted me to bed.  I was in H.A.L.T.,exhausted.  In such cases sleep is my best remedy.

      Jarred from it, a few hours ago has me at low ebb, mentally and physically, as I tell you about my day. Physical exertion doesn't get me tired; I have a high level of stamina. Depleting all of the stores of my emotional and spiritual resources does.

Getting Back Some of the Years the Locusts Had Eaten

Water Lilies: Monet

         I just got in. How was your day? I hope it was good.

 1. I spent time with my youngest son tonight. It was good to hear him talk. We don't have many moments together. It's good knowing what's alive within him. I happy for the connection and closeness we shared.  I was happy was able to be  honest with me.
2. I got together with a friend I hadn't seen in 4 years. it was like old times. He wants me to speak at a bookstore he oversees. He wants to promote my books.I was touched that he appreciates my work. The closeness we shared was wonderful.
3. A book I lost in August I replaced yesterday.

     For those who don't know, I suffered a severe tragedy in August. A book that has had a huge influence in my life, I lost, along with seven others that had thousand of hours of notes in them. This one had over 500 additional entries that I had inserted into the index, in addition to the multiple cross-references on each page. I had marginalia going back 15 years, all lost.

     I purchased this valuable tome yesterday. I can't wait to read it this weekend. It's a dear, cherished friend that transformed me and enlarged my happiness. My eagerness to dive into this book is beyond eager.

4. I'm exercising more. This includes riding my bike. I will try to get more in, this weekend. When I do, I sleep more soundly and feel better, emotionally, when I do. Taxing my body also is another way where I get to celebrate life.
5. I finally got compensated I've been waiting for. It was overdue two weeks. I like my well-being taken care of, who doesn't?
6. I've heard from friends that I've written. I delight in connecting with those dear to me. I love the intimacy, mutuality and nurturing we provide for one another. 

  I thank God for his provision and am thankful for abundance.

A Special Celebration

   Good evening friends,

This post is four days tardy. I'm celebrating the eight month anniversary of this inn. Yep, this place is but a baby.

      I've been amazed, thrilled, delighted and inspired by what's happened here. Thank you, for dropping by. Thirty-five thousand and one hundred of you have been my honored guests since this wee inn opened on March 13th, this year.

     Sixteen thousand, seven hundred have checked out this place in the last 30 days (Oct 17-Nov 17). That's forty-eight percent of all who've come by.  Thirty seven out of a hundred guests of those who've dropped by have done so in the seventeen days of this month (That's 11,849 for November, so far.). The word is getting out.

   The growth of viewership over the past eight months looks like this:

Click on the graphic to see the complete image.

   The growth in readership has been dramatic and steady. Only half-way through November, we have already passed the numbers for October. It was  the month with the largest readership.

*********************************************

    Please write me if you have a question. If I can help, I will. Your letter can be the basis for a future post. I can't help you with issues related to nuclear physics or brain surgery, other than that, I do what I can.

    Thank you for joining me of the last eight months. I've used this inn to share reflections, gratitudes and my responses as I go through this wonderful journey known as life. I'm heartened witnessing growth in this place.

     Readers from Sweden just joined us this month and have already dropped by over four hundred times. India, my goodness. Guests from this subcontinent have been around for only a month and a half. Their readership has zoomed through the demographic charts of this place.

      India is hard pressing England for third place in readership. Over 1,600 from the land of the Mahabharata have read the gratitudes posted.  Thank you for adding your presence.

     England, thank you for your companionship. I don't know if you've caught my humor, yet. It's British. Thanks for dropping by this place as this Yank tries doing justice to your amazingly articulate language.

     A large portion of the landscape photos posted here are of your lovely country. I'm grateful for your compatriot, Tim Blessed. He's given me special permission to publish his copyrighted material.

     Pakistan and Greece, thanks for dropping by regularly. I'm  happy to have you as a part of the A of G Family. I'm indebted to riches that have unfolded as an ongoing student of Koine and Attic Greek.

     Spain. You surprise me. The past few weeks there have been times when you've exceeded the U.S. readership, including today and yesterday. We need to have a conversation. I need to confess something to readers from this country.

     You astound me. (Is that enigmatic enough?) It appears that my personality oozes from the pores of my writing.  Thank you for being the second largest readership, with over twenty three hundred visits to this place in the last few months. This has been a delightful surprise. I'm grateful for the translation Blogger provides. It must be good. 

    I can't forget those who call the United States their home. I'm grateful for your company. You've been the primary source of my readership to the tune of 16,670 visitors and 260 comments. Some day, as I travel through the U.S., I'd love meeting with you and sharing some coffee. Does that sound like a deal?

     Bangladesh, Egypt, Kenya, Morocco, Nepal, Russia, South Africa and Tunisia, thanks for dropping by in the past month. I hope you find encouragement and inspiration when you rest in this inn.

      I have a standing offer, one way  of offering hospitality. If anyone, from anywhere----other than the Bay Area---- posts a gratitude and is in town, I'll treat you to Fenton's Ice Creamery. Any takers?  Let me know.

An Un-American Concept: We Are Primarily Spiritual 11/16/11

Image: "Snowdonia: Nantgwynant" by Tim Blessed.
 All rights reserved. Use by permission.

        A few thoughts on an emotionally and mentally de-anding day.

        I prefer days like these to be few and far between.  A calmer pace allows my spirit to breathe easily.  Boring is good.  (You might also want to see this post or read here, for more about antidotes for the disease of busyness.)

      Today, tranquility was not meant to be.

An Intense Day
       At five in the  morning, I studied, meditated and prayed.  At 8:00 a.m. an intense conversation  was had while tired and under the influ-ence of a strong prescription.  There were issues to clear with someone.

       I fought a headache while with someone who troubles me.  We addressed pragmatic, philosophical, and clinical issues.  It wasn't easy, but the conversation was successful.

       I'm glad I held my feelings together.   How, I don't know.

       Time like these are opportunities to practice patience, chances to be gentle while we are emotionally spent.  This is especially true when we are physically stressed.  Such conversations are a spiritual callis-henic.

       They prepare us for challenging times.

       There are times when each moment is intense.  Not good a good place to be. Avoiding being emotionally spent is a good idea.

       Recently, I spent the evening with someone at an Indian restaurant, an attractive way to end the day.  At length, she spoke. That was fine. It required less energy.  I was beat, bone weary.

 Our Nature Is Primarily Spiritual

        While with this person I expressed views not often heard in the San Francisco Bay Area.  I mentioned our primary nature is spiritual.  Next, is our the soulish side, comprising of our emotions, will and intellect.  Thirdly, is the physical side to life, our bodies, I shared.

        I expressed our culture has it backward.  We raise a fuss about a person's looks. That is what grabs most people's attention.  Magazines, movies, the media place heavy emphasis on this.

        I mentioned our body is like the frame to a painting---it's primary pur-pose is drawing attention to what's inside: our spirit

       The recent Kim Kardashian marriage fiasco points out that getting caught up with the frame is pointless, if it there isn't something of significance within it.

       The person I shared dinner with has a MBA and a Ph.D.  He mentioned a relative of his is a compulsive shopper, causing financial pressure within that family.  I said that the hole in our souls cannot be healed through tangible means, in this case, through retail therapy, incessant shopping.
Qualities of A Spiritual Awakening

       Our soul is restored when we have a spiritual awakening.  This doesn't happen through achievement or material means.  Being awak-ened---spiritually---allows us to know serenity while experiencing deeply felt joy at the same time. This serenity is possible, even in the midst of stressful times---it transcends our circumstances.

        I mentioned when we experience a spiritual regeneration we ap-preciate life more vividly.  We are no longer consumed by issues that appear urgent but are not truly important.  When we have a spiritual awakening nature is revealed in all of its glory, I said. Worries and bitterness no longer distract us for the beauty the world offers.

       We are less judgmental towards others happens when we have a spiritual awakening.  We find many issues that we once fought for are not worth the effort.  We ask ourselves do we want to be right or do we want to be happy?

      We are also less critical towards ourselves. We discover that our best for today is good enough. That being critical about our imperfec-tions does not enhance our appreciation of life.

       I shared a spiritual awakening helps us enjoy spontaneity.  We also less consumed by fearful control.  We are able to slow down.  We can breathe more deeply, resting our heart, literally.

        He was silent, not knowing what to say.

How About You? 

1.  Has your life been crazily busy? Why do you think we find ourselves in such a predicament? 

2. Do you think we are primarily physical, and spirituality is simply an add-on, an option to living?  Or do you think we are first spiritual---that our spirit wants to spread its wings within our corporal form?

3. When you have a spiritual awakening what does it look like for you? 

We Reveal Our Character With Every Breath We Take (Even While Daubing Strawberry Sauce With a Piece of Bacon) ..................... .11/14/11

My son ate this along
with bacon and sausage.

     Last night, Sunday, I shared dinner with my oldest son.  It's satisfying seeing him develop as a young man. I celebrated with him that he is finishing college this quarter.

     I loved the heart-felt

God is Not My Spiritual Bell Boy 11/14/11

This image does not
reflect God. I'm sor-
ry if you were mista-

 ken.

        Good evening everyone,

Recently, I was schooled in a lesson while la-boring on a project, lugging a suitcase of tasks related to it, up the steep stairs of unseeable results.  This undertaking was foreign to me, but I was confident in seeing this task completed.

       Others told me to give up.  Nope.  No can do.  

       Success often requires faith, and faith goes beyond the dictates of reason and circumstances.  While pushing ahead, if we---as a result of our insecurities---need all the outcomes figured out, where's the faith?

Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow.

“To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the 

source that stands behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course.Everything originates in a will for

the good, directed towards you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action that allows you to express gratitude.”

     Albert Schweitzer         Image: "Countryside: Autumn Walk" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Used by permission.

    Good late Friday evening to all,

I'm here at the witching hour, when the day will shortly change its name. You might want to revisit my previous post. I've reworked and expanded it. That's what's great about blogs. What's been done can be undone.

     I'm changing my routine. I've made an effort to rest more. Not long ago I'd ask

The Dance Between Grace & Truth..............11/11/11

Each one of us came to earth on a personal mission to be loved or to give love. We are to learn the value and price of love.
Other parts of our mission include learning patience, humility, self-discipline, and other virtues. These attributes are parts
of love. (Betty Eade)        Image: "Autumn Lake" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Copyrighted, used by permission.

       I'll talk about today's topic in a minute. But first,  I'm speechless, a happy innkeeper.  Three comments by guests in less than a week. Gosh. I had to pick myself off the floor today.

       My dear friend Phyllis wrote last Saturday. Today, Paul wrote a comment in the previous post and Lowry did so an hour ago. Thank you, times three. I invest emotional equity, when working as the innkeeper. I'm paid, by the truckload, when I hear from you..

     Silent Readers, those who drop by without posting, may I ask you to express your gratitudes or add to what's written here? Go ahead, give it a try.

      I believe everyone has insight that would contribute to improving this cozy place in cyberspace.  I ask those who hail from beyond the U.S. to reply in your language. We'll be able to translate your posts. Doing so would add to the community we share here. 

        Today,  Lowry wrote a comment for a post written on July 11th. I'll reply here. It's easy to have comments buried within this inn's archives. Somehow, because I cut and pasted Lowry's comment here, the formatting turned his comments into one paragraph. 

He said... 

 

Greetings Innkeeper – 

I really appreciate the pace and caring lexicon used in your blog. It promotes a peaceful and thoughtful atmosphere to contemplate challenges and options to address them .

It always helps to be reminded that we are Children of God - being humble, grateful, loving, yet firm regarding ourselves and our boundaries is so helpful.

I respect and appreciate your discipline to keep the ideas flowing in such graceful and grateful language.

Thank you,

Lowry                    

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ************************************    

       Lowry,                                                                                                                                                       

 I appreciate your kind words. They make me blush, which is hard for me to do. :->   I'm glad to see you back.                                                                                                                                                                        

       Life is about balance. I prefer mine having a combination of love and truth. Seeing the truth, without love, can easily bring judgment. Honesty alone is often harsh. Knowing love, without it being balanced by truth, often prevents me from taking an accurate look, being discerning and seeing reality with clarity.

      However, together, they perform a fine dance.       I grow when I view reality (truth). I become aware of areas where I want to improve. It's tempered, however, when observed through the gentle lens of grace (love). Enjoying unconditional love from special friends (my Balcony People) and family is transforming.  Their support makes it easier to love myself. The grace I receive from them enables me to be more patient with self, and by extension, others.                                                                                                                                                    

      Thanks for your comments, they mean much to me.         

                                                                

      Wishing you the best and a grateful day.

             

Alone, Enjoying Serenity. Fulfilled, Not Distracted or Lonely ........ 11/10/11

 George Burns said it well: "When you stop giving and
 offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to
 turn out the lights." The worth of our lives comes from
 what we give. What we keep, we squander. Look for
 ways to impart value, be generous with encouragement
 and kindness, hand out hope and help to those you meet.
   Photographer Tim Blessed's caption.

         Did you have a grateful day?

      I did. Thank you for dropping by. To-day is special in that this inn had frequen-ters from all five continents.

      On this glorious Thursday, I invested in creativity.  I rested, napped, meditated, prayed, wrote, and studied.  But, primar-ily, I slept. 

     It can be hard being available for self.  Conscious effort is required, but it's worth it. The media of modern society presents being alone and not using an electronic gadget to amuse or distract ourselves----from ourselves---as weird.

The Borg

        Wow.  We've become Borgs. If you know Star Trek, you know what I mean. 

       For the uninitiated, they are a semi-robotic society where individuals have electronic implants. This was for them to function better.

        In the U.S and many other parts of the world, iPods, Bluetooth, Smart Phones, Cell Phones, DVR, CDs, video games, et al., provide many opportunities. They allow individuals not to perform better but to isolate themselves, even when they are with others.

Not electronic moments

       I saw a boy, no older than five, walking alongside his mother.  She pushed a stroller containing her latest addition to the family. A quaint scene, right?  

       Not really. The mother had the cell phone to her ear, animatedly engaged in a conversation. She ignored the little lad, her infant in the carriage, the glorious weather, and the beauty of autumn leaves engulfed her as she walked along a park. 

       And that's not all; the youngster had a cell phone.  He was talking with someone else. I'm sure you witness such moments.  

      I often meet others in public places: I'll see a couple sitting together, in a restaurant, on a bench at a park. Perhaps on a date.  One is on the phone. 

     The one not using their cell phone tries to not look awkward as they are ignored.  Fifteen years ago, this type of social scenario was unfathomable. 

       I find slowing down for solitude, silence, and meditation invigorating. 

      Constantly yielding to the white noise of distraction, not focusing inward----spiritually, emotionally, or mentally----is to not be aware of our feelings. I've found that depression is our psyche silently knocking that we need to pay attention to our needs and feelings. It deserves this attention and needs it for us to be healthy and whole.

    I have been alone. But it's been decades since I've felt lonely. We feel that way when we cease to be at peace with ourselves.

     Please let me know your thoughts and gratitude; I enjoy hearing from you.

Copyrighted image. "Cumbria: Hardknott Valley" by Tim Blessed. Used by permission.

Making an Impact: A Source of Joy

The German Countryside

    Good evening,

My day went well. It was fulfilling and emotionally satisfying. In the morning I took care of business. Later, I met with a friend.

    Afterwards, in the evening, I spoke before a group. My body is still out of synch---the Daylight Savings Time has done a number to my body's sense of rhythm.  I'm exhausted and in HALT.  After these sharing these gratitudes I'm heading for bed.

1. I got a report from someone I help professionally. I'm happy hearing she's using the growth she's gained, as a result of our time together, to deal with issues she has with a professor in graduate school. I appreciate her honesty, integrity and presence of mind that allowed her to arrange a meeting with her, three other professors in her department, along with the one that has been a source of conflict.

       Learning how to have her voice has made her happier and emotionally stronger. I'm grateful I can help others as they go through their journey here on earth
2. I'm glad that I pushed through and prepped for tonight's talk, even though I'm mentally tired. I was happy to speak on a subject that I like---restoring the years that the locust have eaten: overcoming difficult moments in our past.
3. Today, I met with someone I mentor.

       Our time was marked with cooperation, healthy, open communication and closeness---times like these add zest to my life. I'm amazed at the growth I witness in this person's life. He is much happier, less dependent upon others for the source of his joy. He's taking a good look at areas in his life that have hindered him from enjoying life fully.

      That's it for tonight. Would it be possible for me to hear your gratitudes? That would be terrific!

Being Gentle But Effective When Expressing Our Point of View 11/8/11

When the last drop of rain has fallen, and the final
 note has drifted away/When the Earth ceases to turn
and the last fire is burned/When the wind stops its
ceaseless blowing, and the last wave has come into
shore/When the sun’s called it a day and the stars
 have all floated away/When time is no longer tick-
ing and the hourglass runs out of sand/His love
 remains, like an endless flame burning, God's
love remains! (Avalon song ‘Love Remains’)

         A few weeks ago, my character grew.

      It happened at an indoor sports arena that has a  bar. It's the Bladium, in Alameda. It has rinks for hockey and lacrosse. 

     There are courts for basketball and volley-ball. Indoor rock climbing happens there, too.  I went there to exercise my eyes. 

         There's a large screen TV in the restaurant. 

         I don't miss the contraption. I haven't had a TV in eight years.  But, seeing my team play football is a sacred event. 

         You know where I live.  

         You guess correctly if you think I root for the team representing the City by the Bay.  You probably can hear Tony Bennett singing in the background.  I settled in.  

         I took in the game at the table closest to the large screen TV.  There were others there, enjoying the contest.  My team competed against the undefeated Detroit Lions.

        A thrilling game it was.  Not decided until the final seven min-utes.  In the last quar-ter, my team's quarter-back threw a clutch touchdown pass. 

        The receiver barely flopped across the goal line, adding to the lead.  With a few minutes remaining, the restau-rant owner changed the channel.  He put on the Oakland Raiders game.  

         That is his team.

                  Seven years ago---without recovery---I was passive. I would give in to the owner's lack of consideration.  I might have given a feeble protest.  

        I would have reasoned it was his business.  He could operate the TV any way he wanted.  Today, with better self-esteem and now living with healthy boundaries, I stood my ground, speaking my truth. 

        I had been watching the game for two-and-a-half hours.  Many in the room were actively involved with the football game from San Francisco.  None in the crowded room were asked if they wanted to see a different game.

         The owner changed channels because he wanted to. 
     

         I went to his wife.  She worked behind the bar.  I inquired about the change of games.  She didn't know any-thing about it.  "My husband is in the back, cooking," she said when I asked where he was.  

          I was hot, indignant.  However, I took slow, deep breaths while with her.  I spoke with a measured voice to Mrs. Restaurant Owner.  I placed my palms down, releasing my anger (see this to better understand) and frustration as I spoke.  

          I waited for the proprietor-cook to appear.

                    Mr. Restaurant Owner emerged from the kitchen.  The wife spoke to him in Spanish.  They didn't know I understood that language.  

          I looked around as they communicated.   I did not indicate I understood them.  She spoke as my advocate.

          Finally, he said, looking at me, "The TV is for customers."

                     Only a soda had I bought.  He knew that.  The cook-owner added, "I don't like the Niners."  

          I pointed to the tabled area, where the TV sat.  "Nobody is watching the Oakland game.  There were many people there before," I said.   
   

      Calmly, I looked into his eyes. Clint Eastwood was my mod-el.  I mustered the most even voice possible.

       Abruptly, he jerkily strode across the room towards the TV.  He changed the channel to the Niners game.  I sat down, thankful.  Recovery teaches me to say what I mean, and mean what I say, but not to say it meanly.

           Within minutes, a crowd from nowhere intently and boisterously watching the game.  

     They cheered on the San Francisco team as it earned their win.  When the channel featured the Raiders, this crowd left.  Included in the returning group were young, uniformed sailors rooting for the San Francisco team.

     They were groomed for combat, willing to lay their lives if necessary.  
 

     But they feared confronting the owner of the bar.  Not a word did these sailors say.  Sheepishly, they qui-etly, with their heads down, left the restaur-ant. 

      They allowed one person to overrule the desires of more than forty people.  

       Passively, without a word, these men in the naval service surrendered to the owner's whims who ignored the opinions of many.  They did not resist the owner who insensitively changed the channel.  Even though Mr. Restaurant Owner did so during the crucial remaining portion of the game.  

        His actions did not represent democracy for which these sailors are willing to sacrifice their lives. 

               A guy at the table behind me, witnessed my talk with Mr. Proprietor.  He returned to see the final minutes played.  He called out, "See what you did?  You made a lot of people happy by talking with that guy." 

My reflections about this day's events continues in the gratitudes:

Gratitudes for Today:

1. I'm thankful my character is still growing.  Petulance is not necessary when circumstances aren't as we'd like.  As adults, we can disagree, agreeably. 

     We can kindly speak our truth.

2. We can be thankful for staying present when facing controver-sy.  It is a good idea to take deep breaths, releasing our anger. 

    To God. 

      He can handle it. No, we don't get mad at God.  We turn our nega-tive feelings over to Him. 

      We leave what troubles us into his loving care.
3.  I'm glad I was considerate towards Mrs. Business Owner.  Because I was, she influenced her husband.  She spoke on my behalf. 
4. When we make a request, like I did with the restaurant owner, we want to be careful to not needlessly offend others.
        Gently, I approached Mr. Proprietor.  I did this while sticking to my values. There's no need for harshness, when differing with others. 

"The highest form of wisdom is kindness."                     The Talmud

        When expressing a different perspective, that can be hard for others to take.  Adding discomfort, emphatically twisting the knife of our perceptions of what we think is right within the person we disagree with, is unkind and unne-cessary.  

        Nor is it effective.  

        It does not provide the emotional safety, courtesy, and harmony required for healthy relationships.  I value St. Augustine's perspective:

"The truth is like a lion. You do not have to defend it. Let it lose. it will defend itself."

             The truth has its own teeth.  It is often uncomfortable, as it is.  I honor another's dignity when I'm courteous while stating my case.
5. When I watched my team play a week later, at the Bladium, I bought a com-plete meal.  I gave a 35% tip.  I got along superbly with Mr. and Mrs. Business Owner. 

            And my team won its sixth game in a row.

            Oh yeah---the TV was turned on to the San Francisco Forty Niner football game, when I walked in.

Image: "Cumbria: Across Windmere" by Tim Blessed. all rights reserved, used by permission.

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Saying No Gently Without Fear