Today, I was with someone who wanted me to be responsible for his feelings. No can do. I let him know it.
I am responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others. For more about that you can read here. I'm thankful for boundaries.
Our feelings are our property. Other peoples feelings are theirs. When feeling responsible for the feelings of others, we are trapped in a form of enslavement.
Thinking this way, being codependent, makes us walk on eggshells. We are fearful about the negative reactions of those who blame us for their miseries. Relief is realizing it's not our job placating agitated people.
That's being externally referented, a serious boundary crossing. Others must deal with their disappointment. It is part of being an adult.
We don't always get what we want.
No one can make us happy, sad, or have any other feeling without us giving that individual permission to do so.
Life is good. God is loving. We know loving, caring friends and family members. We relate with emotionally safe people, and live by healthy boundaries."I block my well being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me. Courage to Change, 118
How could we not be happy?
There's a word for the enslavement mentioned above. It's codependency. You can read more about it here.
Let Me Hear From You:
What is your response when someone blames you for their feelings?
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2 comments:
Dear Innkeeper,
On this now thankfully cooling Saturday night, I am grateful...
1. For the distant, festive sounds of pre-Fourth of July fireworks in the Castro Valley foothills.
2. For pre-meeting coffee last night with my wife and Lilly; our new friend and potential mentor for our son Dan.
3. During our regular Friday night gathering with friends, for heartfelt and light-hearted sharing about ways we've learned to take care of ourselves; to have fun, in spite of the drama around domestic addictions.
4. I could pop my locked-with-the-keys-inside, van door open, on the very first try, with an artfully sculpted coat-hanger, through a fortuitious opening in the passengers window, (after buying my aging mom's weekly groceries) in the blazing, 100+ degree, mid-day, Walnut Creek sun. What a miracle that was!
5. To find ourselves unexpectedly caught up in the brilliant suspense of an old, late-night, black and white, 1950's, Bette Davis/Karl Malden murder mystery set in LA, on PBS.
5. For Haagan-Daz Mango, Pineapple/Coconut, and Green Tea Ice Cream, on a hot summer night!
Dear Carl,
Happy weekend to you! It's been years since I've heard of a person getting into a car the old-fashioned way, using a hanger. Wow.
I think you would have enjoyed a speaker meeting I attended in San Leandro Saturday night.
It's encouraging reading your gratitudes. Thank you for consistently adding positivity to this place!
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