Friday, June 28

We're Not Responsible For Other People's Disappointment 6/28/13 (123)


“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life.  And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” Sarah Ban Breathnach.  Image: "Ooh!" by Tim Blessed, copyrighted photograph..
I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this in January of 2012; it still has relevancy today.  Have a great day! Let me hear your response.

My Gratitudes:
     
      Today, I was with someone who wanted me to be responsible for his feelings.  No can do, and I let him
know it.  I am responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others.  For more about that you can read here

1.  I'm thankful for clear boundaries. Our feelings are our property and other peoples feelings are theirs.
     
       When feeling responsible for the feelings of others, we are trapped in a form of enslavementThinking this will make us walk around on egg shells, out of fear about the negative reactions of those who blame us for their miseries. Relief is found when we realize it's not our job to placate agitated people.  That's also being externally referented. 

2. I'm grateful knowing such thinking is a serious boundary crossing. Others have to deal with their disappointment. That is part of being an adult.

3. I appreciate that no one can make me  happy, sad, or any other feeling without me giving that individual permission to do so.  It reminds me of this quote: 
"I block my well being every time I base my self-worth on what I do or what other people think of me.  Courage to Change, 118
4.  Life is good. I know a loving God, have loving, caring friends and family, enjoy closeness with emotionally safe people, have an excellent mentor, and live by healthy boundaries. How could I not be happy? 

            Oh yeah, there's a word for the enslavement I talk about in gratitudes one and two:  it's called codependency.  You can read more about it here.  

Let Me Hear From You: 
What is your response when someone blames you for their feelings? 

2 comments:

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

On this now thankfully cooling Saturday night, I am grateful...

1. For the distant, festive sounds of pre-Fourth of July fireworks in the Castro Valley foothills.

2. For pre-meeting coffee last night with my wife and Lilly; our new friend and potential mentor for our son Dan.

3. During our regular Friday night gathering with friends, for heartfelt and light-hearted sharing about ways we've learned to take care of ourselves; to have fun, in spite of the drama around domestic addictions.

4. I could pop my locked-with-the-keys-inside, van door open, on the very first try, with an artfully sculpted coat-hanger, through a fortuitious opening in the passengers window, (after buying my aging mom's weekly groceries) in the blazing, 100+ degree, mid-day, Walnut Creek sun. What a miracle that was!

5. To find ourselves unexpectedly caught up in the brilliant suspense of an old, late-night, black and white, 1950's, Bette Davis/Karl Malden murder mystery set in LA, on PBS.

5. For Haagan-Daz Mango, Pineapple/Coconut, and Green Tea Ice Cream, on a hot summer night!

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

Happy weekend to you! It's been years since I've heard of a person getting into a car the old-fashioned way, using a hanger. Wow.

I think you would have enjoyed a speaker meeting I attended in San Leandro Saturday night.

It's encouraging reading your gratitudes. Thank you for consistently adding positivity to this place!

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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