Friday, July 6

Dealing With an Emotional Bully, Part IV .......7/6/12

God's love is like an evergreen tree; it thrives through every season.
Image: "Woodland" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photo. Used by permission.
Caption is the photographer's. It fits well with today's post.
         Good morning everyone,

I'm tending to the inn early today. Has you week gone well?  I hope so. If not, please allow me to offer you the calming tea of
encouraging reflections.   :)

        A roller coaster ride of emotions was the story of this week.  Thankfully, it ended as well as it could.  Relating with an emotional abuser is tough, my situation for the past six days.  No fun.  I don't like anger, foul words or abuse.  I'm a junkie for harmony, tranquility and serenity. Additionally, the tough, gritty, practical unpleasant demands all business owners and self-employed people encounter, I faced.

       When my emotions are assaulted or I am occupationally challenged, I realize my life is unmanageable.  In recovery this is called Step One.  I'm there. And how.  I'm powerless over all the nouns and pronouns in my life: people, places and things. This is when I take a deep breath.  Turning my circumstances over to God is my best recourse.  He can handle them.

       I can't. 

      Prayer helps. To God, I release my burdens.  I know this approach isn't the rage---it's not popular, nowadays. But it is effective.  Letting Go and Letting God has been a terrific anti-aging, wrinkle cream for my soul.  Creases on my physical brow and my soul are reduced when I release my pressures into God's care.  I rely upon His strength, mine is inadequate.

       Years ago, I realized I was powerless over my worries, depression, my past, abusers (including the angry person I wrestled with this week.  The dragons from his abusive past raised their head and roared mightily, at me.) and the outcome of my life.  You can imagine my relief when these areas---and many others---no longer weigh on me.  Sanity returns when I surrender to my Higher Power's care, experienceing His loving support, as we dance the dance of life.

       When I yield to God, joy returns.  It visits me, staying by my side, as I tend to the tasks of life and its demands.

       Harboring anger doesn't help.  But feeling it does.  I acknowledged the pain of relating with an abusive person this week.  I felt all the tumultuous emotions within my body, and let them go.

       I rid myself of toxic emotions by dealing with them.  I journaled about what was going on, here. My bike, I rode; I spoke with good friends, processing with them what I experienced.  But, I did not lock horns with the victimizer.  I did not engage the wounded person whose inner anguish moved him to torment me.  I'm not interested in adding to my grief.  Heavens, no.

       Sanity is not believing in a fantasy: there's no way I can help this angry man who wanted to make my week difficult.  I see reality.  I see what spiritually took place while relating with this unhappy, tortured individual.  Pigeons do what pigeons do.  I'm just not going to sit under a tree that has roosting pigeons.

        I see this fellow as emotionally intoxicated.  I've learned to not argue with a person when they are drunk.  That's exactly the case here.  Seeing the situation for what it is allows me to detach with love.  I don't take it personally.

        It's not my job to fix or correct this person.  The best thing is, I don't have the desire, either. That shows tremendous growth on my part.  I realize there's only one God, and I'm not it.  I've retired my cape.  If I were foolhardy enough to try, I'd be as successful as attempting to withstand an atomic blast.  It would be rather futile.

       Instead, I do self-care by detaching with love.  If you want to learn these principles I'm sharing, consider going to an Al-Anon Family Group (AFG) meeting.  You'll find one nearby.  For more about AFG check out my previous post. Here it is.

        Okay, I have to go to work.  Wish me the best.  I have many calls to make and appointments to set up.  Your prayers will help.  Yes, yours.  Really.  I appreciate your support.

4 comments:

aileen said...

Gratitudes for today include:

The lovely fragrence of just picked lavendar wafting on the soft breezes blowing thru my window curtains as I study.

The uplift and inner smile that makes its way to my lips as I look up from the computer and text for an eyeball break to be greeted so soothingly by the full bodied purle and purply-pink hydrangeas above a small simple tho ornate silver picture frame gently hugging a picture of my Mom.

That I have a laptop and wireless access to study in a (sometimes too)comfortable space in my apartment.

Thankful my bathroom is finally painted and up to code.

The ease w/which I immediately gave up my morning hours spent studying to help my friend going through chemotherapy prepare food for the next several days. We had a delicious, rich and love-filled visit.

Thank you this practice which has a way of perculating into other areas as well! Kind regards and good evening!

Vanessa Higgins said...

Amazing post. Each word was like a sweet taste of honey. I will take these words with me to sleep. Thank you!

Pablo said...

Aileen,

You are getting poetic at sharing your gratitudes.

I'm happy to hear your bathroom got fixed. I know that was a concern for you.

Kudos to you, for helping a suffering friend. I'm really glad you are noticing a change within yourself as you practice sharing your gratitudes, and that it is having a positive influence in your life!

Pablo said...

Vanessa,

You keep encouraging me like this and I'll be writing a book on gratitudes, before you know it!

I hope you have sweet dreams. I enjoy getting to know you better. You have my prayers, during this season in your life.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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