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| At best, material success will last till the day you die; love lasts for eternity Image: "Primeval" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photograph. Used by permission |
The day was great, relaxing, tiring and exciting. Let me tell you about it. This morning was the same deal as last week, but this time it was
me. In this post, I mentioned how I was with others and a woman didn't get a chance to speak and I spoke up for her, making it possible for her to express herself. Well, today, the same host tried wrapping up our time and I hadn't gotten in a word.
I mentioned I wanted to speak. I'm glad I did. Afterwards, several others came to me, appreciating my comments. That's a big change from my past. As a child, my voice wasn't valued. I was an afterthought in the family dynamics of my home as a kid. I was the fifth of six, with siblings 10, 12, 8, 4 years older than me.
And, if I differed with the family point of view, I was wrong.
I wasn't.
I simply viewed things differently, which my family didn't understand. One big awareness that increases harmony and reduces conflicts is knowing that if someone sees things differently, that doesn't mean they are wrong.
That is, if we aren't talking about moral issues. Murder is wrong. So is adultery, stealing, lying, showing disrespect, insensitivity towards others---including readers of your blog (:-> ), low self-esteem (it destroys any chance of happiness), gossip and hogging up a pathway when a cyclist wants to get by. I had to add that last one, it felt good writing it. Moses forgot to include that in his list of evils.
Eating pistachio ice cream or wearing sweater vests aren't sins, or wrong. Although, if you want to get dates with women, don't do the latter, unless she's a geeky professor, then it's okay. (Can you tell I took a nap this afternoon? I can.)
Such activity, while different, is acceptable, not morally wrong. My family saw things black or white. That was a shame and a rather limiting perspective. The permutations of possibilities to moral, sensitive, exciting perspectives to life where confined to my dad's view of life, at least for my mom and siblings, not me.
Getting back to this morning, as a child, in my home, I wasn't given the chance to speak. Today, I did. It felt good. It wonderful having and expressing my voice. It counts. Others like it. I'm glad, and for that I have an Attitude of Gratitude.
Afterwards, at the conclusion of today's gathering, an attractive, diminutive woman and I spoke. And spoke. She liked what I said about taking care of ourselves emotionally. I had shared about being self-supporting in this area, not relying on others to rescue us. That's our job.
Others walked with us, as she and I continued chatting on this brilliantly clear day that had the cool breezes from the Pacific Ocean. We headed towards the Wine and Art Festival on Park St., in the amazing island town known as Alameda. This young lady and I, paused on the sidewalk, talking about our love for our family, especially the little ones we know and my sons. Those with us went on without us. Twenty minutes later some returned, heading for their cars. The woman and I were still enjoying our conversation.
I love great, from-the-heart, open conversations. This gal hugged me about four times, occasionally tearing up while we talked about her young nieces and nephew. She liked our time. So did I. :> lol Anyway, she and I made plans to get coffee this upcoming week.
Those I coach in dating are encouraged to take it slow. For me, I want to know if a woman gets angry easily. Is she a narcissist---does she just want to use me as an audience so that she only talks about herself. When considering a relationship, I look for those who reciprocate the care I offer. I know several who do. Our friendships are rewarding, deep, caring, our times are fulfilling. We enjoy silence, we are comfortable with it. In these relationships there's no need to perform. Is that rare, or what?
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. I feel good. I enjoyed standing for myself while not standing against my fellows.
2. I'm happy. The day was terrific, beyond wonderful. I enjoyed my conversation this morning, after being with friends.
3. I like seeing women tear up, when they feel passionate about something. Vulnerability expressed by women is a rare commodity nowadays. Fortunately, people feel free to open up to me.
4. I liked the fair today in Alameda. I had amazing conversations with three people I didn't know until I met them among the crowd. Richard, Sally and Elizabeth were great people to meet. Richard's has lived in this town since 1929. He filled me in on several bits of Alameda history I was dying to know. Wow.
5. I'm happy with my life. I face additional daunting tasks this week, but with God's help, I'll do fine.
"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we would oft might win, by failing to attempt." Shakespeare, Measure for Measure, Act I, Scene 45. I'm thankful for hanging out with positive others.
"Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny." Hope for Today, p. 189
"If you feel like a doormat, you have to get up off the floor." Courage to Change, p.3616. I'm thankful for people with whom I have active correspondence.
7. I had an interesting and respectful theological conversation with a friend yesterday. I'm glad that we had it. Courtesy gets a person to many places where insensitivity doesn't. It permits connection, even when there are diverging viewpoints. I'm glad that as adults we can say what we mean, mean what we say without being mean in the process.
8. The music at the fair was outstanding, amazing, excellent. I checked it out for two hours. If I need to book a gig, I know who I'll ask for. I spoke with the band and lead singer afterwards. It was superb. As a former professional musician and singer I appreciate extraordinary music when I hear it.
9. Watching people boogeying in the streets, to this phenomenal band, was fabulous. Seeing community in the town where I live is very nurturing and gives me hope for mankind.
10. I took a long nap this evening. A smile was on my lips, hope for future times with friends, knowing God's gracious and embracing love made my sleep sweet.
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4 comments:
My father and I read your post together. It made my day.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Vanessa
Thank you for sharing your day and weekend with us! I had to laugh at the 11th Commandment Moses forgot to include; "Hogging the Bike Trail!" Excellent!
I'm grateful...
1. For Juanita's killer tamales and(new-found)1/2 order's. The regular combo while superb, was sending me into a "Taqueria Coma."
2. For my mentor's passion, self-less dedication and commitment to healing.
3. For the shared adventure of movies "on the big screen," and how they can move, give us pause, and cause reflection.
4. I could say no to an unreasonable, last minute client request, late on a Friday afternoon. I was reminded "Its Never My Responsibility..." to have to respond to someone else's poor-planning.
5. I could "let go" of a scheduling constraint, and my timing and location errors, open up the evening, and let it unfold under its own power. Very liberating indeed! This is serenity!
6. For the gradual yet gratifying healing of family members; healing in heart, mind and ways of relating and living.
7. I can engage in lively yet respectful dialogue and debate with my mentor, and learn to be able to disagree as gently as I agree. I'm reminded of the question, "Ask yourself - would you rather be right, or be happy."
8. For the "appreciative inquiry" I've learned through interfaith dialogue, cooperation and harmony. That there is but one God and that my personal faith tradition does not hold a monopoly.
9. Patience with the process of managing, through swimming, cycling and vitamins a bad knee that will need replacement sooner or later.
10. For so many meeting and fellowship choices here in the SF/Bay Area, in our recovery/healing circle. Also for being in a community of those earnestly seeking sanity and using practical tools to gain serenity, and genuine happiness in their daily lives.
11. I could complete Ed Viesturs third book titled "The Will to Climb." He is the first and only American to ascend all 14, 8,000 meter peaks, and he did so without supplemental oxygen! There are numerous relevant metaphors in these readings to the challenges we all face in our daily lives. There are (I believe), among others, brilliant Russian, French, Italian, British, Polish, Swiss and Slovene mountaineers in this elite club we can all be proud of!
12. For this quote from the late, great Russian climber, Anatoli Boukreev, "Mountains are not stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve. They are the cathedrals where I practice my religion."
13. My (until recently petulant) #3 son made a delicious salmon, green bean and rice meal for five, with home-made plum and honey tea, while my wife and I took a much needed, early evening nap. What a pleasant surprise on a Sunday evening!
Vanessa,
Hey, that's terrific! This is the first time I've heard of a family visiting the inn. I doff my cap to your dad. Please let him know, if he didn't see me.
How was your weekend? Did you go swimming?
Carl,
You and me, both. I like Juanita's, too. Great place. We have another thing in common: enjoying movies. What did you like best about the last film you saw?
Good for you, applying boundaries is important.
I agree with you: sometimes life turns out different than we planned. This is where the slogan "Let Go and Let God" comes in handy.
Part of being an adult is that we can see things differently.
Carl, in the East Bay, there's a lot of healthy groups and recovery. We are lucky to live in a dynamic area.
How lovely, your son served you and your family. Kudos to him!
As innkeeper of this inn I am authorized to grant you, in advance, the Attitude of Gratitude Award for this week, ending 8/4/12. I've never had anyone post thirteen gratitudes. I don't think anyone is going to match that record,either.
Thank you, you've made the innkeeper very happy!
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