10 Benefits When We're Gentle Towards Ourselves 5/23/16

         “The six most important words:'I admit I made a mis-

take.' The five most important words: 'You did a good 

job.' The four most important words: 'What is YOUR 

opinion?'  The three most important words: 'If you

 please.'  The two most important words: 'Thank You.' 

The one most important word: 'We.' The least

 important word: 'I.' ”   Author Unknown     

 Image: The California coast: Point Reyes 

        Showing grace towards ourselves.  

      We are lucky when there are opportunities to practice pa-tience. We want to especially be this way towards our-selves. Driven and motivated, we may be. 

      Helping others, improving our community, and enjoying life thoroughly operating on all cylinders. Even more than most.  We want to make our life count. We don't care to be a loafer. 

     For many, our drive since youth was prompted by insecurity.  We had a strong need for approval.  We weren't affirmed enough to know we have value simply because we breathe the breath of humanity.

      Each of us has an amazing personality like none other on earth or at any additional time in history. It is difficult seeing we are uniquely crafted. Personal growth helps us to accurately see our worth. 

     It is not humility, denigrating ourselves.  Humility is accurately seeing the areas needing growth and our strengths, giving ourselves credit. 

      With recovery, we discover peace and serenity. This happens when we realize we are humans, not circus ani-mals. We are free from jumping through hoops, seeking applause through performance. 

      When we feel comfortable with our likes, dislikes, dreams, wants, and choices, we are comfortable in our own skin, able to risk disapproval from others.  

      Recovery helps us see the good in ourselves.  Faults and weaknesses do not define us.  We view them as areas needing growth, that's all. 
    
     Knowing God's love and enjoying self-forgiveness helps us move beyond being stuck.  They are essential and often neglected antidotes for depression.  The support received from our network of emotionally healthy friends and healthy principles is critical, too. 

     Each undergirds us.  They grow our confidence.  These reliable pillars of support can be leaned upon when we are tested emotionally or physically.  

     Recovery allows us to reframe areas needing growth from a positive perspective.  

     Replacing inadequate thoughts and behavior with new and better qualities---which is the core of recovery---silences the voice of the critical, demanding, Tyrannical Ideal Self.  Cultivating the Compassionate Ideal Self is the foundation of recovery. 

     With it, we gently address our vulnerable, undeveloped parts graciously, patiently, with humor, too.  No longer are they viewed with frustration or despair---as ugly parts defining who we are. 

      Recovery begins with viewing our vulnerable areas with positivity.  We see them as areas where we can grow! 

       Emotional maturity hap-pens when we treat ourselves with kindness.  We see our lives getting better.  We recognize our progress.  

        As we do an inventory of the past month, six months, or year, we look for the growth in our character, personal strength, and resilience.

       We want to be patient with ourselves.  It helps to remember growth happens in millimeters, not inches, yards. 

       "Progress, not perfection," is our outlook. 

       Recovery is being kind towards our character defects.  We say, "That's okay, sweetie," when viewing areas needing characterological growth.  That's a significant improvement from the hateful, critical voice of the Tyrannical Ideal Self. It condemns us if we allow it to speak. 

        Personal growth uses healthy, affirming alternative perspectives and actions to heal tortuous sabotaging thoughts and behavior.  Instead of giving in to social pressure, we remind ourselves that:

 "When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and neces-sary for us to feel satisfied, then we have given them power over us."                        Courage to Change, p. 9

        For many, sinister, condemning voices were born from home, school, and church judgments.  They are now muted by the ongoing affirmation from a loving God and recovery principles, like the quote above.   The hateful voice of self-loathing is muted. 

       How?  By relating with caring, supportive friends. 

       When we are compass-sionate towards the areas within us needing growth, this wounded part of us comes out from the shadows of shame, self-judgment, and guilt.  It emerges from the belfry of isolation and fear. We want to be kind towards the Hunchback of Notre Dame of our vulnerable selves. 

        Our less-than-best parts of ourselves experience healing.  It enjoys transformation.  Why?  Because the wounded parts of us are tended to by the loving Esmeralda of grace. 

I know it's hard to see, but she has a water
skin bottle in her right hand. Please click on
 the link below to view this scene.

      We want to love our warty, unattractive, frail inner selves.  Sensing condemna-tion, the vulnerable parts of us that dwell within will flee and hide.  When that happens, no healing takes place. 

       Looking at areas where we want to grow is loving ourselves.  We are removing splinters from our souls.  We replace the negative default areas in our life with new and better qualities.  It is a time of healing regeneration.  

      The tendency of youth is being full of self-judgment hurts.  Every time we use recovery tools in our lives, we create a better today.  We are moving beyond past pain by staying in the solution. 

Being gracious towards ourselves has benefits:
1.  We are happier.
2.  We experience less depression. 
3.  Condemning ourselves diminishes.
4.  We are more motivated. 
5.  We sleep better. 
6.  We draw better friends into our lives.  How can we have others who respect us if we don't respect ourselves? 
7.  We are less defensive.  
       a.  We are more comfortable in our own skin. 
       b.  We get along with others more easily.

"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life nor has it helped me to love myself more."

                              Courage to Change, p 19

8. We have an Attitude of Gratitude because we are kinder towards ourselves and others.  
9.  Grace permeates our lives.  
    We begin asking, "How important is it?"  Circumstances that once irritated are now seen for what they are: not worth losing our serenity. 
10. As we grow in gentleness towards ourselves, our compassion towards others increases. We give what we have received ourselves.

 How About You?

a. How are you when the dragons of despair raise their heads in your soul? 
b. What do you find as healthy alternatives to frustration, disappointment, or self-loathing? 
c. What do you do that allows you to be gentle towards your weaknesses?
d. What silences the critical Tyrannical Ideal Self screams at you? 

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        What does it mean to feel elated, frustrated, excited, and disappointed simultaneously?  That we are embracing emo-tional maturity.  With it,   dif-ficulties do not distract us from life's beauty. 

          When living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises do not shock us.  We do not dive into the greasy chute of despair created by our nega-tive thinking, and challenges no longer distract us from the good surrounding us at all times.

         Recovery teaches us the value of connecting with healthy others. When we are internally referented and grounded with God, our nega-tive outlook becomes positive. As we do, our emotional fortitude develops. 

        As we work on our character, we establish our "Must-Haves" and "Can't-Stands."  It provides the oxygen necessary for our relationships to move in a wholesome direction. 

        As we cultivate clarity about our values, our sense of direction and confidence grows. 

         Recovery encourages us to link individual successes with every difficulty we face.  Over time, this practice of resourcing crowds out dread; confidence begins to replace fear. 

         Routinely exercising this practice of resourcing pro-motes strength of character during crises we never dreamed possible.  

         One of the fruits of recovery is stopping negative mental chatter from depriving us of the ongoing beauty life offers.  Being confident in ourselves and knowing freedom from the need to please, we delight in parts of life we once routinely ignored---like the beauty of skyscapes---the formation of clouds.  

         Recovery helps us develop the habit of having a grateful, joyous heart even when the roots of our emotions are shaken by stress or relat-ing to unpleasant people.  We can enjoy life even when rattled and processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anx-ieties become a thing of the past when internally referent-ing becomes our default mode.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within the territory of our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us of delighting in life's treasures. Recovery principles prevent us from letting others define us or determine our moods.

        With recovery, we become comfortable with discomfort.

      Personal growth allows us to know ease when encounter-ing emotional distress. Our feel-ings function like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

       We use the discipline recovery offers to overcome anxious thoughts and perseverating.

Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives us something to do but it gets us nowhere.                                  Hope For Today, p. 98

        We dial in on the soothing music of the good surrounding us, even during tough times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who support us.

2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves that prevents us from having a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love, smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

         We can choose.  We can tune into the frequency of fear or choose the mental bandwidth that provides solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two-year-old before becoming aware of life's complex nature.

        With emotional resiliency, we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and pre-sent scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

       With personal growth, flowers along country roads can be taken in because mental chatter no longer distracts us.  Once produced by the ugliness of life, mental dialog becomes replaced with a new and better quality: gratitude.  We. Slow. Down.  

      We enjoy the now, the present, relishing life's beauty.

      Savoring recovery, we become free from the mental stream of worry.  Walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying exercise.

      Wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks, once easily over-looked, can be appreciated.  Recovery frees us from the dis-traction that despair and fear create.

    Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking that origin-ated in childhood.  When this happens, obsession no longer rules us.  Instead, we develop a greater appreciation for na-ture.  We replace unsatisfactory cop-ing patterns with new and better alternatives.

       We taste joy and strength we did not know existed when we do this.

      Living with the strength, confidence, and optimism personal growth offers, we no longer become distracted from life's beauty because of the grip of fear and apprehension.  Our perspective becomes balanced; we take in the excellent and satisfying parts of life along with its thorny issues, including emotional vampires. 

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  With it, fear loses its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happens, dread disappears. It is replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and an open but discerning heart.
       Simple things once ignored get no-ticed.  New colors to life surface we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before when we have recovery.

       With presence, we drink in the riches life offers the laughter of a baby, the cooing of an infant pas-sing by in a stroller, a wildflower springing from a city sidewalk. 

       Smiles of others are appreciated because we no longer go through life mechanically, without feelings.  No longer do we go through life trying to please others we do not know, spending time and money we do not have in ways that do not nurture us.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini spontaneous celebrations become a natural part of our daily routine.  Simple pleasures abound when we enjoy presence, free from worries and the need to control.  Spiritual regeneration takes place.
     

       Simple pleasures be-come ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life often disappears when we become captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can devel-op, rich, and textured.  When that happens, authentic con-nections heal emotional scars.  These deeper friendships occur when we become codependency-free.  

        Liberation from this disease creates authentic connections because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         We become healed when we weave recovery into the fabric of our lives.   Using discernment, we re-move the frayed threads of unsafe people who have attached to us.  Toxic relationships develop our distorted thinking, includ-ing negative self-judgments. 

        Healthy relationships help us unload false beliefs. They rid us of twisted think-ing that our defensiveness and fear load into the truck of our minds when we are inse-cure.

        When codependent thinking is replaced with boundaries, fears diminish when we spend time with others.  Banished is the need for approval, and we have confidence in our best efforts whether others agree or not. 

         We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive vali-dation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior no longer becomes our default mode.  Freed from the baggage of trying to please others, our mind enjoys greater peace.

         We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Obsessive fear becomes replaced with calmness.  We surf the uncertainty entailed in any relation-ship.

        We become more comforta-ble with discomfort.

        We now respond, and there is less reaction when life's drama ap-pears.  Our friendships are enriching.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  These connections become a soothing balm from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe com-munity of friends.  Recovery helps us navigate away from the treacherous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        Living with healthy princi-ples, the result of recovery, we remain present when challenged in a relationship.  We don't let "what ifs," fears, and assump-tions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        Because, again, we do not let others define us.

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and necessary for us to feel satis-fied, then we have given them power over us." 

                                  Courage to Change, p. 9

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life require more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are wel-comed friends.  With it, we have enduring peace of mind. 

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stres-sed when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding the clouds of life, exploring our personal stars, and climbing the moun-tains set before us as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

        Recovery involves em-bracing what we encounter. We discover our role within life's circumstances.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's situa-tions.  We listen carefully to God and decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Being stagnant creates an end to our character development, and it happens when we remain the same, not pushing ourselves to evolve for the better.

        We stagnate when we do not replace unfulfilling and ineffective habits with new and better behavior.  A safe person, however, con-stantly grows.
         

       With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we are our au-thentic selves, we enjoy what life offers, including its chal-lenges.

         We have no need for control; our focus is on the com-mon welfare of everyone when fac-ing a problem.  We do not feel the need to protect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes richer and more satisfying than we ever dreamed.

Today Is A Big Day 3/13/21

      Today is special. 

      It is the 10th anniversary when this place opened.  Thank you for popping in, joining the innkeeper as we cele-brate this milestone.  So many things have happened during this time. 

      I'm older.  Hopefully wiser.  Tend-ing this place stretches me.  

      I've grown in expressing my

Thriving, Living Fully: Awareness, Acceptance, Action Needed.................. 5/14/15

You can't undo anything you've already done.  But you can face up to it. 
You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And let God do the rest. 

  Awareness
       I enjoy sanity when I look at life realistically.

       This is aware-ness.  A good start. It's also incomplete.  It's eighty-eight percent of the an-swer when hand-ling life's problems. There's no remedy if we don't

Expressing My Voice, Doing So Respectfully ..........5/24/13

Where we'll be tonight. The Laurel Court Restaurant at the Fairmont
 Hotel in SF, listening to Eric Shifrin play jazz on the piano. 

       Good evening everyone,

What a day, but good!  It is heartening when witnessing my personal growth.  Old habits die hard, true, but:

"It is never too late to do what is right."            Charles Swindoll 

    I faced a problem this week, resulting in

Growth: Removing What Makes Us Comfortable With Unacceptable Circumstances ................................9/18/12

My default mode, in relationships, if I'm not careful.  

     Good morning all,

Have you missed me? I'm tired. My head is pinching me, from

Discernment and Boundaries Spare Us From Grief 12/31/15

Craziness, joy and growth.

       
         Best words describing 2015.

"The prudent man sees a danger and withdraws.  The simple continue and suffer for it."                                  Proverbs 27:12.  

          This observation is an antidote. 

           It helped me handle over-the-top circumstances faced this year.  I was insane during portions of this year.  During the year, I let go of the reins of caution.

           I was seduced by circumstances too good to be true.  The golden proverb above helped me retain a grip on common sense.  More than once, it guided me when I was drunk this past year. 

           I was imbibing too much joy.  The passage above helped me regain emotional sobriety.  I was able to focus once again upon reality.  This proverb guided the growth spurt I had this year.

        Thank you, for joining me as the end of this year draws near.  

          Within min-utes, my town will celebrate with a half-hour cacophony of fireworks popping within the community.  A new year filled with mys-tery and promise will be ushered in a moment normally known for silence and slumber.  The hopes of many soar during this witching time when the year changes its name.  Many anticipate 2016 will be better than the one just ending.

        Goals are pledg-ed for the new year. Many are not true goals.  Not if the aspirations do not have a time frame-work.  Not if they lack a plan with concrete steps attached.  For most, their aspira-tions are wishes, dreams.  

       They lack specificity. Having such plans is flying in a cloud bank without an instrument panel. We won't arrive at our destination.  If the dreams we have do not work in the new year, change them.  Make them measurable.

      Make the goals realistic.  But never change the goal. If necessity is the mother of invention, persistence is its father. Accomplishing what we want requires ongoing effort.

        Observations of this year from the innkeeper:

1. People com-plain. But, doing the work to make their life better, many don't do.  If we are not scared, it isn't courage we need.  Growth requires effort, discipline and pain. Or progress does not happen. I won't rescue some-one who does not want to rescue himself.

2. We scar others and ourselves when we avoid harmful people.  Having a blind eye towards angry people only fans the fire of harm they create.  It allows them to continue on, consuming others with their manipulative, predatory ways. When we ignore their behavior, we allow the bull of their selfishness to continue raging.  They have nothing stopping them from inflicting pain on those who cross their path.

     Emotional vampires suck the life out of others.

      They are those who brighten a room by leaving it.  They are curmudgeons, sarcastic, critical, and manipulative people.  These emotional Draculas are only stopped by the wooden stake of confrontation.  Our passivity emboldens them.  It lets them bite into others with their selfish agenda.

3. We scar irresponsible people by ignoring their behavior or compensating for it.  Making excuses for slackers is looking the other way.  We let them escape the personal load of duties. We are not making them responsible for their lives.

     We do not help bullies by being nice.

     We cross bounda-ries when we enable others through our passivity.  People need to ex-perience the natural outcome of their negative behavior. They need to reap what they sow. Otherwise, there is no motivation for changing their character.

    It's a poor idea, co-signing another person's life, bailing them out. We pay the price for their misdeeds. We pay for their false beliefs. We enable unacceptable behavior. How?  By covering for their poor choices and lack of character.

4. Often we are not being nice, when we think we are.  It isn't loving, overlooking abusive or lazy behavior.  It is not being kind ex-cusing irresponsible people.  No, it isn't being altruistic.  It's putting lipstick on the pig of unreliable and thoughtless behavior.

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."                                                              Proverbs 27: 6

     It is still unattractive.  Even though we glam it up with our rescuing efforts.  We are naive.  It is lacking courage, not confronting.  We fear speaking the truth, saying what we want.  We fear upsetting manipulators and narcissists.

     This is being boundaryless.  It is passive and gullible behavior.

     It is important, standing in our power.  When we do, we are applying the recovery earned through work on our char-acter.  It is critical being true to our values.  This is integrity.  We do not want to relent to the manipulation of others.  If we do, we sell ourselves short.

     When we act this way, we are guaranteed depression.  Our resent-ments will grow.  See this post for more info about speaking our truth.  It talks about winning the Grand Prix of life---daily.

    "Do not relate with an angry man       or you will learn his ways."                                       Proverbs 22:24

      Not only that, we are letting that person influence/damage impres-sionable others.  Like your children, or others who hang around him.

5.  It is good, re-lating with strongly motivated, disci-plined people.  We are the average of the five people we relate with.  If others don't want to make the effort to improve their lives, our rescue efforts will not help.

     Personal growth comes from inter-nal motivation, not prodding.  We save ourselves grief when we admit this fact.  I relate with someone who is blind.  Not physically.  He's blind to common sense.

       I leave this person in God's hands.  There's only one God. I am not Him.  This is Step One in recovery.  We realize we are powerless over others.

6. Being passive is not being passive.  It is dishonesty.  It is lying.  Often, it isn't doing what we said we would do, or being true to our values.  It lacks honor.

     We are not living with authenticity when we are passive.We are not respecting ourselves.  It lets down those who  trust us.

7. Growth is not internalizing a problem.  It is not a matter of more research.  It is not solving issues apart from others.  Growth happens as a result of living in a compassionate, loving com-munity.  By ourselves, we do not have all the resources to handle what life dishes out.  In community, we do.  What I lack, others have.

8.  Growth happens when we move from our Victim Story.   This story consists of the excuses we give for failure.  It is seeing life from the scars of our past.  Our Victim Story is a flashlight with a de-fective lens.  It is viewing life negatively.

      It is not acknowledging the good qualities we have.  It is not view-ing our successes, when we struggle.  It is seeing life from all our past failures and pain.

      We want to see from the searchlight of who we truly are, now.  All the positive qualities we have.  They far outweigh the nega-tive we see in ourselves.  Especially when we are troubled.  We are not living in recovery when we allow the past to damage our self-image.

      Wishing you a fantastic New Year!

Lessons Learned After Relating with a Negative, Critical Person................... 2/27/21

      A project I finished yester-day. 

     I did tasks I don't care for: it involved facts, figures, and sum-maries. Not my typical work.  Seven hours

Attitude & Principles: Sources for Serenity During Tough Times 7/24/13

You'll notice my knees are not shaking. 

     How is your attitude?

      Like an airplane, is your attitude nose up, climbing?  Or is it nose down, head-ing for a crash?

       Mine?  You know the answer.  Hopefully, it's a reason why you drop by.  The thing is, our disposition can be positive----even when times are dire.

     We can delight in peace of mind that transcends our cir-cumstances.

     During tough times, we can fly using the instrument panel of healthy principles.  It's best being guided by the rudder of a loving God.  We set a stronger course in life when enjoying dynamic, positive, discerning, friends.

       Having a sense of humor during difficult times improves our attitude.  Life also flies smoothly when we are free from emotional vampires.  We avoid them.

Growth: Moving Beyond Knowledge

       How can we have a smoother, satisfying life?

       By consuming information slowly.  We are careful about what and how much we feed our mind.  Like eating food, it's best digesting what we learn, slowly.

      It takes time for our brain to signal the stomach of our comprehension.  After an hour of study, we usually have enough meaty information requi-ring exercise--- ap-plication.  Living what we learn pre-vents us from being mentally fat.

       Gobbling food causes indigestion.  It contributes to packing more pounds than needed on our mortal coil.  The same with learning.

        Personal growth is not stuffing our head with ideas.  It is more than how many pages read at a sitting.  It's about three things.  Ap-plying, applying and applying.

        This is how unhelpful youthful patterns are overcome. This requi-res effort.

        Schools teach us incorrectly.  Learn-ing is not acquiring information. Wisdom is using what we study.  Otherwise, what is the point?

Changing Familial Legacies
 Overcoming Ingrained Characterological Patterns

      Books are not given to increase our knowledge, but improve to our lives.  Application accelerates personal growth. Ruminating upon what we learn, practicing it, internalizing it is better than storing informa-tion.

      When difficulties arise, antidotes help us triumph over to-day's or tomorrow's looming difficulties.

      Catastrophizing doesn't help.  Staying in the solution, tak-ing action with pro-ductive alternatives is far better than panicking.  Life is smoother when also drawing from our supportive network. This is far better than isola-ting.

      Support from my Comfort Circle of friends who have EQ is the bug spray that wards off the gnats of life's irritations.  Without connecting with others, we suffer from the Second Law of Thermodynamics.  Our joy decays.

      Freaking out only makes problems worse, more disturbing.  Fear informs us we want to use recovery.  We want grace balancing any negativity we perceive.

    It is better, re-sponding, not reacting.  It's easy condemning our-selves.  Many of us grew up with con-stant judgment.  Without recovery, it is easy using our default mode---allowing the fearful child within to fly the plane of our lives.

      A bad idea.

The Instrument Panel of Healthy Principles

      Being mindful of healthy principles, and living by them, allow the airplane of our life to fly straight, calmly, preventing our daily experi-ences from crashing into the sea of despair.

"If thy law [or healthy prin-ciples] had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction."    Psalms 119:92

Specific Dials On the Instrument Panel, You Ask?

     You want to know specific principles that help?  Okay.  Here's one:

"When the applause of others is the reason for my behavior and necessary for me to feel satisfied, then I have given them power over me."

        Another you ask? All right. How about this: 

"I block my well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me."

        You are persistent.  I hear you asking for more.  You are gobbling up these principles like potato chips, although they are healthier.

        Fine. Here's another principle that provides serenity:

"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more."   

 You want more?  Here's a final one: 

"If you feel like a doormat, you need to get up off the floor." 

        If you use the instrument panel of principles like these, you'll fly straighter.  The buffeting storms of life will not throw you off course.  You will arrive at a life filled with more serenity, emotional ease, and joy.

         Happy flying.

How About You? 
      Are you nose up or nose down?   Please share what state your attitude is in, and why.  

One Second of Response Time for Every Year Invested in Personal Growth ..............................4/14/12

A smile of encouragement at the right moment may act like sunlight
 on a closed flower. It may be the turning point for a struggling life.
Image: "Wetlands: Day Is Done" by Tim Blessed. (Caption by the photographer.)
All rights reserved, copyrighted photograph. Used by permission. 

       In Friday's post, "Emotional Aikido, A Great Way to Handle Stressful Moments With Others" Keith commented:

  "I find the concept of Verbal Aikido quite fascinating-thanks for introducing me. Also, I completely agree with the concept of detaching yourself emotionally while in adversarial scenarios-a sort of "emotional compartmentalization.: so-to-speak.”

      I'm giving this important subject---that can greatly contribute to our happiness---the attention it deserves. So,

Happiness Is An Inside Job, Part II 2/18/14

      Where to begin?  Many stories to tell.  Adventures, physi-cal exertion, personal growth, along with romance thrown in, for good measure.

       I'm beat. Bushed. Wiped out.

       The past two days have been hectic. On top of that, I'm speaking Saturday at the monthly fellowship for the local district of Al-Anon Family Groups.  I'm squirreling away parcels of time, preparing for that occasion, also.

       There are other pressures I'm wrestling with, as well.  And such a life is the case for most of us.

        We are often overwhelmed with all the responsibilities doled out to us.  It helps to take life fifteen minutes at a time.  This is being present.

        We'll know more serenity.  It comes with living by recovery principles.  At times we need to HALT.

 "Fear makes true that which one is      afraid of."   Viktor Frankl. 

        The good thing is, we can still be happy, delighted with life, when pressured.  Joy isn't externally related.  It is not based upon the job we have, being in a relationship, the type of car we drive or how we are doing financially.

        Happiness is an inside job.  It is attitudinal. our pre-sent, persistent pressuring predica-ments can be at a pitch that without recovery, can push us towards perseveration.

        Our happiness is not because our circumstances change.  We change.

      This is the difference between surviving and thriving----enjoying life deeply with joy, knowing how to have a peace that transcends our difficulties.

       We are responsi-ble for our feelings.  We want to checkout how we can nurture ourselves when stressed.

       One outlet is ex-ercise. Going for a walk, cycling, work-ing out with weights, or doing yoga.  When we do, stress is released from our bodies.

       Keeping ourselves active, there will be no need for a windbreaker or vest on cool days.

        Despite the pressures faced, we can still be happy and thrive.  And no, we won't be crazy.

      Helping others overcome trauma is traumatic for me. This is where acceptance with recovery is the balm for healing the difficulties we experience.  It is not passivity, taking what comes our way. 

      Awareness is clear-headedness, seeing our circum-stances, accurately.  Then, we decide our options---what can be done to overcome our challenges.

      Staying in the solution regard-ing our fears, troubles, and anxieties, transforms our daily quota of betes noires. They become approachable, less frightening.  Our character grows, our life becomes manageable, our joy increases. 

      We move from the ghetto of child-like responses to won-drous valleys of emotional maturity. 

 My Gratitudes for Tuesday:

1.  Perseverance, the fruit of physical exer-cise and maintaining spiritual disciplines. It helps us to draw strength from our relationship with God.

       We are happier, we celebrate life, even when the storms of urban living shower us with ongoing pressure.

     Growth requires going beyond our comfort zones. It is realizing our limitations and appropriating a Power Greater Than Ourselves. Doing this, we are seizing life.

     Life is richer when we move beyond our limited understanding.  Inspirational literature helps us mature and become wiser. We gain a wider perspective.
2.  For writing. It provides mental clarity. This is especially true when we do an inventory of our lives.

      We empty what percolates within. Scribing is self-care, it is making time to get acquainted with our inner selves.
3.  Daily working on our recovery makes us grow.  We will be stronger than we were last week, more level-headed. We handle challenges more successfully than we did a few months ago.

      Working on our personal growth daily, life becomes more dynamic.

       Our days become more fulfilling with each passing month, day, hour, each minute. Recovery helps us move from being reactive to having greater executive functioning.  When we work on ourselves, "each character flaw [is] replaced by a new and good quality."  (One Day at a Time, p. 280)