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“The six most important words:'I admit I made a mis-
take.' The five most important words: 'You did a good
job.' The four most important words: 'What is YOUR
opinion?' The three most important words: 'If you
please.' The two most important words: 'Thank You.'
The one most important word: 'We.' The least
important word: 'I.' ” Author Unknown
Image: The California coast: Point Reyes
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We are lucky when there are opportunities to practice pa-tience. We want to especially be this way towards our-selves. Driven and motivated, we may be.
Helping others, improving our community, and enjoying life thoroughly operating on all cylinders. Even more than most. We want to make our life count. We don't care to be a loafer.
For many, our drive since youth was prompted by insecurity. We had a strong need for approval. We weren't affirmed enough to know we have value simply because we breathe the breath of humanity.
Each of us has an amazing personality like none other on earth or at any additional time in history. It is difficult seeing we are uniquely crafted. Personal growth helps us to accurately see our worth.
With recovery, we discover peace and serenity. This happens when we realize we are humans, not circus ani-mals. We are free from jumping through hoops, seeking applause through performance.
When we feel comfortable with our likes, dislikes, dreams, wants, and choices, we are comfortable in our own skin, able to risk disapproval from others.
Recovery helps us see the good in ourselves. Faults and weaknesses do not define us. We view them as areas needing growth, that's all.
Knowing God's love and enjoying self-forgiveness helps us move beyond being stuck. They are essential and often neglected antidotes for depression. The support received from our network of emotionally healthy friends and healthy principles is critical, too.
Each undergirds us. They grow our confidence. These reliable pillars of support can be leaned upon when we are tested emotionally or physically.
Recovery allows us to reframe areas needing growth from a positive perspective.
Replacing inadequate thoughts and behavior with new and better qualities---which is the core of recovery---silences the voice of the critical, demanding, Tyrannical Ideal Self. Cultivating the Compassionate Ideal Self is the foundation of recovery.
With it, we gently address our vulnerable, undeveloped parts graciously, patiently, with humor, too. No longer are they viewed with frustration or despair---as ugly parts defining who we are.
Recovery begins with viewing our vulnerable areas with positivity. We see them as areas where we can grow!
Emotional maturity hap-pens when we treat ourselves with kindness. We see our lives getting better. We recognize our progress.
As we do an inventory of the past month, six months, or year, we look for the growth in our character, personal strength, and resilience.
We want to be patient with ourselves. It helps to remember growth happens in millimeters, not inches, yards.
"Progress, not perfection," is our outlook.
Recovery is being kind towards our character defects. We say, "That's okay, sweetie," when viewing areas needing characterological growth. That's a significant improvement from the hateful, critical voice of the Tyrannical Ideal Self. It condemns us if we allow it to speak.
Personal growth uses healthy, affirming alternative perspectives and actions to heal tortuous sabotaging thoughts and behavior. Instead of giving in to social pressure, we remind ourselves that:
"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and neces-sary for us to feel satisfied, then we have given them power over us." Courage to Change, p. 9
How? By relating with caring, supportive friends.
When we are compass-sionate towards the areas within us needing growth, this wounded part of us comes out from the shadows of shame, self-judgment, and guilt. It emerges from the belfry of isolation and fear. We want to be kind towards the Hunchback of Notre Dame of our vulnerable selves.
Our less-than-best parts of ourselves experience healing. It enjoys transformation. Why? Because the wounded parts of us are tended to by the loving Esmeralda of grace.
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| I know it's hard to see, but she has a water skin bottle in her right hand. Please click on the link below to view this scene. |
Looking at areas where we want to grow is loving ourselves. We are removing splinters from our souls. We replace the negative default areas in our life with new and better qualities. It is a time of healing regeneration.
The tendency of youth is being full of self-judgment hurts. Every time we use recovery tools in our lives, we create a better today. We are moving beyond past pain by staying in the solution.
Being gracious towards ourselves has benefits:
1. We are happier.
2. We experience less depression.
3. Condemning ourselves diminishes.
4. We are more motivated.
5. We sleep better.
6. We draw better friends into our lives. How can we have others who respect us if we don't respect ourselves?
7. We are less defensive.
a. We are more comfortable in our own skin.
b. We get along with others more easily.
Courage to Change, p 19"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life nor has it helped me to love myself more."
8. We have an Attitude of Gratitude because we are kinder towards ourselves and others.
9. Grace permeates our lives.
We begin asking, "How important is it?" Circumstances that once irritated are now seen for what they are: not worth losing our serenity.
10. As we grow in gentleness towards ourselves, our compassion towards others increases. We give what we have received ourselves.
How About You?
b. What do you find as healthy alternatives to frustration, disappointment, or self-loathing?
c. What do you do that allows you to be gentle towards your weaknesses?
d. What silences the critical Tyrannical Ideal Self screams at you?
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2 comments:
Dear Innskeeper ;),
The past few months have brought excitement, anxiety, ups and downs like a rollercoaster ride!!! Wooooo!!!! Finally, things have somewhat settled and the future looks so bright for my baby boy....who is no longer a baby...but a college bound young man. There are still some things to work out, however, the blessings have been somewhat astonishing.
I have been blessed to live in a community where there is much help, as for now, help is needed. Visiting a new place to provide nourishment for my son and I, I was feeling low at first, the negatives going through my head, this is not a place for me, I should not be here, I did not grow up with challenges of basic necessities, but now at times, the challenges arise. I met a couple who were challenged, so sweet and so in love. I chatted with them and it was a reminder to me, the services provided to our community are so necessary and appreciated by many. That we are blessed, if services are needed. And that love, does exist....even in couples with challenges of disabilities or illness. I needed these reminders and have been coming across such reminders at the quietest of times.
After leaving, I stopped by a mentors home, unannounced, which is not like me. I started thinking that his birthday was near and hoped I had not missed it. I left a note on the door with the only piece of paper I could find to write on. HA! one I had blotted my lipstick on awhile ago thinking it looked too dark. I hope he didn't think I was leaving lip prints, because I was not. It was a raggedy looking envelope leftover from a gift certificate to one of my favorite restaurants ;). For some reason, my phone has been having issues of saving numbers and i have to delete all texts for lack of phone space.
I hope my note was ok to leave ;)
After I left my note, I made another unannounced stop to another dear friends home, hoping to find her home and ask for her phone number once again!! to load into my phone...she was not home, but what a surprise to see her daughter, who has grown so much in the past year ;) and her husband and daughter provided the number I needed.
For all these things, I am grateful......now I will press the Graduation Gown my Son will wear to an assembly at school today...where they will present the Class of 2016 ;)
wcp
Dear Pablo,
I have been practicing being gentler toward myself which is so foreign to me. I am used to being harsh and judgmental, never giving myself grace. What a new concept! Giving myself the compassion I never received as a child is the ointment I need to heal the scars created by the broken people in my family. Little by little it is getting easier to love myself.
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