Friday, March 7

Peace, Progress, Purpose, Pleasure. Care and Feeding Of Healthy Relationships .................. 3/7/14

        This is the time when we review the past week, sharing the high and low points that emerged.  Here are mine:

High Points:
1.  I am pushing forward, developing my craft.  I help many in an interesting area: dating, an important subject.  Offering a different perspective, one motivated out of fullness and clarity, not desperation, is
what I do.

      Like all areas of life, clear personal boundaries and values are essential.  (This includes listing our must haves and can't stands.) Especially true if seeking success in finding someone special to share our lives with.  To their own pain, many unattached people go from relationship to relationship. They do so without creating an inventory of what caused difficulties and the dysfunctional tendencies in previous relationships.

      Providing a basis that enables clients to create authentic relationships, where they can also be their real selves, is fulfilling.

      Co-dependency and low self-esteem make many in the dating scene easy victims for unhealthy relationships, especially emotional vampires, predators and narcissists.  Producing material that helps others have dates worth keeping is a enjoyable change of pace from lesson plans I usually develop, when serving others.

2. I visited a dear one yesterday.  We visited for an hour and forty-five minutes.  Having to tend to an appointment shortened the normal length of time we spend----three to three-and-a-half hours.  The openness, joy and the depth shared during our time together invigorated both of us.  I value the insights, connection, bonding, open and poetic communication shared.

3.  My life has never been better.  In almost all areas, peace, progress, purpose and pleasure are hallmarks.   The serenity enjoyed when I do not react, but respond to what life throws at me is marvelous.  I am grateful for knowing principles that allow me enjoy tranquility, peace of mind, thrive and celebrate life.

4.  Even though I have some intelligence, I deeply thankful that I do not dwell within my head.  Heck no.  Our mind is a dangerous place for us to travel alone.  I apply all of me, my limbic system, too.  This area deals with my felt sense.  I feel life.  I have ridded myself of obsession and constant crises. Instead, I enjoy more inner peace.
     Less judgment toward myself and others is a fruit of the hard work done for my personal recovery.  Moments of fun and spontaneity, even during stressful moments, is a routine part of my life.  And am I glad.

     Arriving at the place where I enjoy equanimity, clarity, abundance and emotional safety is the result of investing thousands of hours, and decades, in me, my emotional, spiritual and mental welfare.  Living life with joy and serenity has been more than worth the effort.

     Transcending generational, negative familial legacies is not the result of spending one hour a week in self-improvement, minimal, half-hearted effort.  Good luck to you, if that is what you are doing. No, getting freedom from unhealthy default modes----catastrophizing, passivity, co-dependency, rage, isolation--- requires effort, study, and constant practice in staying in the solution.  It involves vigorous effort, learning and applying healthy alternatives to those areas vexing us.

5.  Progress with my car.  I was angry with someone who lied to me, stating something was fixed, that wasn't even worked on. Geeze. Golly, even.  :->  My anger is subsiding. My life was put at risk last Sunday, while taking it for an intended ride of 280 miles.  Wow.

     The vehicle died on a very dangerous freeway.

6.  I love what I do for a living.  I am lucky and happy.  Yesterday, someone saw me who was suicidal.  After our session there was a big difference.  He was radiant.  Wow.  I am glad that I'm practical in the work I do.  Easily, clients could railroad a conversation.  I like taking the conversation back, focusing on the solution.  That happened with this client. He was delighted, even joking, smiling, re-invigorated with hope for his future.

     The key: his being reminded that our core need is bonding with emotionally healthy others. We were made for connection.  He was experiencing the Second Law of Thermodynamics: entropy.

      What does entropy look like for a person?  Despair, anger, anguish, frustration, self-loathing, self-rejection and depression.  Our time of therapeutic connection was timely.

       He and I are working on his connections with others.  First, is learning how to grow healthy relationships. We will not find them in the world.  We have to tend to the plant of friendships, nurturing them, helping them to grow into safe relationships.

My Low Points

1.  Nearly being killed last Sunday.  See number five above.
2.  I need to work on a project and I don't have the time.  I've been focusing on other practical matters.  See number five above.
3.  I have not been riding my bike much.  I need to.  I want to.  Saturday, I shall cycle for an hour and-a-half.  I look forward to it---it is a tremendous stress reliever.
4.  I would like to visit someone and held back by practical realities.   Such is life. I am taking steps addressing this problem.
5.  I better sleep.  I am powerless over my inabilities in remedying this important need. I'm turning this problem over to  God.   I trust He can do what I can't do for myself.

How About You? 

      I challenge you who drop by regularly to please introduce yourself to this innish community by leaving a comment. May I hear the highs and lows you had this past week? That would be terrific.


Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

On this Saturday night, I am grateful...

1. To grab dinner out last night at Val's Burgers (an old Hayward institution!) with my two youngest sons, while wife away at a Pacific Coast woman's retreat at Point Montara Lighthouse Hostel.

2. Time this morning to catch up on paperwork, filing, and home office organization. Also, the clarity gained from taking stock in our current financial landscape.

3. Time with my 90 year old Mom today to share a meal, catch up, and laugh at minor household calamities.

4. Helping plan her 90th Birthday Celebration two weeks hence, with my older sister. Inviting my Claremont cousin and his wife as house guests that weekend, and anticipating the high-minded fellowship we share.

5. Knowing my efforts for this one day can be enough. Knowing I don't have to do it all today, right now. Knowing that "Progress not Perfection," "Easy Does It," and "One Day at a Time," can be helpful slogans guiding a more sane, measured and serene approach to daily life goals and achievements.

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

On this Tuesday night, I am grateful;

1. For the grace and blessing of an unexpected resolution to a worrisome, weekly, Tuesday morning situation at work. A lesson learned for all; chapter and book closed. And, I need to remember that vindication should humble me.

2. For the joy of giving an account away to a deserving, junior colleague, knowing the Golden Rule is a karmic spiritual law, with its own, unseen rewards.

3. That to try to live by the motto; "give and forget you gave;" not keeping track or score, can be the most simple, clean and liberating way to live.

4. That its OK if I'm still triggered by another's petulant behavior, as long as I react less each time, and progress further each time toward a wise, measured and benevolent response.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.