Regaining Our Dignity, Revisited .......5/20/13

  I'm bumping this up. It's an entry from 3/7/12. 
         
      Good evening everyone,

This afternoon, I met with someone I mentor.  Our time was intensely good.  The subject was "seeking the approval of others."  Isn't it amazing, how easily we revert to our childish selves, if we aren't

careful?  Without removing unhealthy principles established while growing up, it's easy finding ourselves in "one-down" relationships with others, where we surrender to loved ones, bosses, parents, older siblings. (I know all about this, being the fifth of six kids.)  

      Often this results from a lack respect we have towards ourselves and our boundaries/values.  As I am more comfortable with my own likes, dislikes, dreams, decisions and desires, I'm increasingly able to risk the disapproval of others. (Courage to Change, p 207) 

       Asserting ourselves can be difficult, we may encounter resistance.  You might want to check out another post I wrote about this subject: "Winning the Grand Prix of Life."  It talks about exercising our personal power and maintaining our dignity.  You can read this entry here.

      We camped on today's topic for an hour and a half.  It is such an important issue we revisited it today, having looked at it the week before.  It's not an behavior pattern that can be overcome in a week.  Nope, this is about transforming familial---generational---legacies.  Growth and healing from faulty principles takes time.  It is a challenge where daily work is necessary. It's an ongoing effort. With practice, we can move beyond errant ideals absorbed during our younger years. 

      When we reduce our need for approval----external referenting----we'll lie less. We also reduce our depression, isolate less often, won't get angry as frequently, nor surrender our values to others like we would, without personal growth. 

      I was happy helping someone who is working hard and applies what she learns. This person regularly drives 100 miles, from Los Altos to Alameda and back, to work on issues that enhance her life.  She's enjoying fulfillment like never before. 

      We discussed the futility of pleasing unpleasant others.  Most people we relate with, without recovery----without working on their issues----are narcissistic. We won't find much approval from individuals whose primary focus is themselves: they lack empathy. 

      Seeking the will of a loving, gracious, affirming God is better.  

    

My Gratitudes for Monday, 5/20/13 

1. I love how I'm able to serve others in the work I do. 

2. I love autonomy.  Having my own business is challenging, fun and satisfying. 

3. I'm going to Yosemite tomorrow. With a friend we'll spend the day riding our bikes there. 

4. I look forward to adventures in cycling.

5. It was refreshing to laugh and smile, while with friends on Saturday, helping them with a garage sale. 

6. I happy hearing from Carl. He's wonderfully consistent in posting gratitudes. 

7. I'm grateful for those who drop by. Please feel free to share your experience, strength and hope at this place. I value your insights and wisdom. 

    I appreciate getting to know you and look forward to meeting new guests.  I'm glad you find this place helpful and encouraging. 

     Let me know if you'd like us to cover a particular topic. I aim to please. 

How About You? 

1. What helps you keep balance in your relationships?  

2.What do you think motivates to seek approval from others? How do you combat it? 

     I'd love hearing your responses.