Standing In Power, Recovery and Integrity. Not Affected When Criticized 5/8/13

"He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help."
Abraham Lincoln

Gratitudes for Wednesday
1.  Someone judged me tonight, after I attended an Al-Anon Family group meeting.  I love it, when that happens.  Really.

      It's not supposed to occur there. Those gatherings are to be a safe place, free from criticism. Then again, the person giving me feedback is new to the program.  She said I was edgy.   Maybe this critic was referring to the edge of my Mohawk haircut.

What Was My Mood?

        I'm kidding, about the hairdo, not about her comments.  I was anything but on edge.  Was I in a great mood tonight?  Yes.  Was I enthusiastic, like a Giants baseball fan, about to see a game at the beautiful AT&T Park, where they play?  Indeed.  Was I energetic?  True, also.   I was on a high from
cycling the shore and lagoons of the lovely island city of Alameda with a friend, earlier in the day. That's how I felt during the meeting.

     Why am I thankful about her criticism?  Because her unasked for comments allowed me to carefully contemplate my composure and emotional maturity while she corrected me.  I told her I was not in agreement.  It was wonderful noticing I did not let this woman determine my moods or affect how I perceive myself. 

      It is liberating not being externally referented.  Life is more navigable when are responsive to, but  do not feel responsible for the feelings/perceptions of others.  Only we know what's going on inside ourselves, don't you think?  (You probably noticed I was making an externally referented related joke about needing your validation, in the last phrase of the previous sentence.)

     "What could I have said differently, so that I would not be edgy?  I asked.

     "It wasn't anything you said, it was your tone."

       Wow. I didn't know she was a mind reader and interpreter of tones.

        It's amazing she was certain she knew my mood.  This individual was sincere, but sincerely mistaken.

        It would have been better if my critic had connected with me, finding out what was alive within me, before correct-ing.  I let her know that perception isn't necessarily reality.  I also calmly let her know that I never gave her permission to judge me.

       I appreciate my growing awareness about this person and her values.  I was also happy that while she spoke I valued myself for the person I am, not how I'm perceived by others.  I love the growing peace and self-esteem I have when I'm internally referented.

2.  I rode my bike today, at length, this afternoon.  It was fabulous, matching the weather.  Better, I cycled with a female friend.  She's hardy----let me tell you.  We went for 13.5 miles.

     Returning to her place, we shared a dinner she cooked.  A more terrific afternoon and early evening could not have been had.  I'm thankful for my friend's hospitality, kindness, sense of humor and the variety of experiences we shared today.

     Afterwards, I rode five more miles.  As I write this entry, I'm energized, upbeat and happy, the result of today's beautiful ride and the friendship I enjoyed with those at the meeting and my cycling buddy.

3. I saw someone special tonight, when I met with friends.  It was terrific being with her.  It was the first time she joined the gathering. She felt welcomed and enjoyed the warmth she felt from everyone. It's a good thing she wasn't criticized.  I am glad she had a wonderful time, it was nice connecting with her in a different way.

4.  Tonight, the group did something new----we read from, From Survival to Recovery.  Heart-felt, open discussion followed.  I always appreciate the growth, empathy and warmth and vitality this group offers.  I'm thrilled the gathering remains dynamic.  It is not ossifying.
How About You? 
What is a fine how-do-you-do that you've received from someone, lately?  I just told you the one I received from a self-appointed judge of my moods.

A Happy Innkeeper